Forbidden Love

Chapter 5: Change of perspective

Pov Natasha

Seeing y/n again was a shock, to put it lightly.
It wasn't bad, just not at all what I expected.

When I left to take this job five years ago, I thought I'd never see her again, which made me sad. Seeing her again, also as my T.A., pulled the ground from beneath my feet.

She looks older, more mature now. Her hair is the same brown color as always but only shoulder length now. It looks good on her though, everything about her looks good.

I also didn't expect the wave of emotion that hit me when I saw her again. There was a lot inside of me but most prominent was the deep care I still feel for her.
We might not have talked in years but I still care. I loved her and that doesn't just vanish.
I don't think I'll ever stop caring for her and I don't want to stop. She's an amazing woman with a great personality and so beautiful.

I wish, we could have spent the last five years together but breaking up was still probably the best thing we could have done. It wouldn't have worked out in the long run anyway and that way we were able to have a proper goodbye.

Y/n watches one of our colleagues, a pen in her hand, touching her lip lightly. She looks concentrated and deep in thought. I stopped listening a few minutes ago. This isn't the first meeting I attend at the start of a new semester.
We talk about the seminars and lectures we have and how the first week went. It's to catch up on everything and make sure there are no problems.
Sometimes an overlay happens by accident or there is a switch up with the rooms. These meetings are to solve those minor problems so the rest of the semester will go smoothly.

After I told everyone about my classes, I stopped listening, there has been no trouble on my side or concerning me. My attention is on y/n instead. Not too bluntly, I don't want it to be obvious. Looking at her is nothing bad in particular but things are weird between us.

It's not as easy anymore as it used to be, which doesn't surprise me. It's not like we left it on a great note. And she's different now, we are different now.
A lot has changed and I wish, I knew more about her last few years, about the details of it and when she decided to become a professor as well.

I want to ask her which professors she had and how soccer went. I want to ask about her friends, her family, her life. But I am not really in the position to do so. We aren't close anymore, we aren't even friends.
We never really were just friends but still. I'm not a stranger to her but also no one she would trust with details about her life or secrets and I get that.

My eyes are glued to the pen against her lower lip as she parts them, the pen almost slips into her mouth. She notices before it can happen though and retracts it.
I take my eyes off her, not wanting to get caught staring at her lips. And also to take a calming breath because seeing her lips like that made me think back to all the times we kissed.
Not just the first one but all the other ones too, the casual ones. Something in my stomach bubbles up, a yearning. But I push it down, knowing I shouldn't feel like this.

Somehow, we always end up in situations or relations where any form of romance wouldn't be appropriate. We're both adults and as long as we consent, it's not a crime, but it's still not appropriate.

Not that that kept us from becoming girlfriends while she was still my student. Now she's my T.A., which feels less bad but there still shouldn't be anything but professionalism between us.
She's technically working for me, so any deeper relationship could be considered bribing or taking advantage of the situation. It is neither, but I know it can be viewed as such and the dean wouldn't be happy about a report like that. Not that we are anything worth reporting.

The meeting ends and I have zero idea what else was said but I hope it wasn't concerning me.

Y/n and I step out of the meeting room and head for our office. Sharing an office with her is a blessing and a curse at the same time. I like having her in the same room but at the same time it makes my skin tingle and there's always this tension hovering between us.