Complicated Things

Two| Heart in Pieces.

I burst out of the office.

I run, blind to the  crowded hallway. Students curse as i shove past them, my backpack forgotten. I run out of the suffocating hallway as her image fills my mind .

The cold hits me in the  face, leaving a trail of goosebumps down my arms. I gasp for air, my chest tightening but I keep running. The desperation to escape fuels me .The trees and building around me becomes a colorful blur.The rhythmic beat of my feet against the pavement fills my ears.

Why didn't I just stay with her?

Maybe all these could have been averted.

Her smile, scent and voice clouds my mind. Her laughter echoes, making me want to scream. I can't focus on anything, the pain increasing in my chest by the second.

I am to blame.

I couldn't stop being a selfish prick for a day.

And now she's gone.

Forever.

Suddenly, a car collides with me and I become airborne. My body is weightless for couple of seconds before slamming to the ground. The impact is brutal,the pain searing through my head and back. Rain soaks me, one I didn't even realize when it begun. I try to sit but a wave of nausea washes over me, forcing me back down.

"Allison!" Several voices cry out, all which seems faint and distant. The background sounds and their voices becomes a blur. My sight becomes glazed, the world around me spinning furiously.

Then the world becomes dark.

Leaving me with ache that consumes me whole.

*******
I don't know what day or time it is.

Hell, I don't even know where I am.

The entire place is bright, the kind of blinding light. My eyes can't focus on anything, yet I'm sure the space is empty.

She walks float like in my direction, adorned in a white gown. Her shiny brown hair is back to its glorious state, her angelic smile adorning her face.

My Mom

She gets closer to me and I reach out to try and touch her. But she moves further away, shaking her head slightly in disapproval. The smile never leaves her, her white skin illuminating some kind of radiant glow.

Maybe she is an angel now.

Maybe this is heaven.

"This isn't heaven. You are not dead." Her voice responds my thoughts. Her sweet voice that I remember, not the weak broken one in her last days.

"Well I'm going to die anyway. So you might as well take me."

"No, Allison dearest. Don't say that.":Her hands find her way to my cheeks. It's as if I can't really feel her.

Like she's just a breeze.

A  refreshing wind on a warm summer day.

"Mom..." I let out a shaky breath. "Please I can't be without you. Take me with you. Please." Tears stream my face, my voice getting shakier by the minute.

"I can't dear. It's not time yet. You have to discover yourself. There are so many things you must learn.Find love, someone you could tie your forever to. Get settled. The list is endless, honey. There are so many things I want you to do.  I just want you to be happy' The smile never leaves her lips as she speaks.

" No ....no!  I would be only happy with you. There's no one out there ...I can't mom...I can't mom"  My feet buckle down under my weight,
dropping me to my knees.