𝐁𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐁𝐨𝐲

Left alone

You know, it can be pretty chill when you are all by yourself and sitting somewhere alone. I mean the feeling when you are lying one a silent rooftop, looking down at a huge city where all those shiny lights flicker wildly and then your thoughts begin to consum your mind and you don't know if that is a something good or not... because sometimes I just don't want to be alone with my own scary feelings and thoughts but at the same time i kinda like this melancholy feeling in my chest. I know... that shit just sounds so fucking stupid.
I wrote the last period on the page with such aggression that ink stains already splattered across the paper.

I don't even want to know what my friends would be thinking of me, if they would know that i write in a freaking diary?! In their opinion, only those popular or nerdy girls from highschool are doing such things. I mean those people who begin with the sentence " oMg hEYyy mY dEaR DiAry yOu woN't bEliEve what hAppEnd to Me toDay... bla bla bla".
(The author of the story doesn't actually care if you write like this in your diary, so please don't feel attacked by this)

I was being alone my whole life. So I know this type of feeling I just described very very well. My dad died when I was barely four years old. That means I don't really remember much from our time together but the few things that I do remember have remained in my mind as very happy memories. And I would do anything that I will never forget these memories.

If you want to know how exactly my dad died, well he died in a car accident. But the exact reason why and how he even got involved in this accident is still not known. The professionel thought he may had lost control over the car but others have told us that it was also possible that he had a heart attack out of nowhere. No one knows. But the end of the story is that he drove off the highway at full speed and then crashed into a ditch. He later died in the hospital. Just thinking about this hurts my heart. Everytime I think about this my chest just thightens very strong and I feel like I can't breath anymore and just now I realise how a lonely tear is rolling down my cheek, god how pathetic I am sometimes. I didn't even know him that well.

And my mom? Ughh she kicked my out of "her" house when I had turned 17. She is and has always been such a bitch since my dad had passed away. I can confidently say that she really had ruined my whole childhood plus teenage years.

*Flashback*

*slap* "You stupid kid! Why can't you do anything right?" yelled my mom at me. "You shouldn't have been born, you're the biggest mistake i made in my whole life. Get in your room!" she just gave me another slap on the cheek after saying this. Maybe i really shouldn't had been born in the first place, i am sure everyone would be much more happier without me. Even my dad would possibly still be alive.
I twisted my face into an ugly grimace as these thoughts came to me. I wanted to cry. But I am not allowed. Because like my mom always said to me "boys don't cry" and even at the slightes tear appering in my eyes, she would always give me a dirty look and tell me this sentence over and over again. It really marked my brain.
Long story short, i was being locked up in my room after this fight for two whole days and my mother occasionally gave me food through the door (if I'm allowed to say, it really wasn't the best food and I had quite a bit of stomach problems afterwards).

*End of flashback*

After she kicked me out, not before giving me another few slaps and a try to argue with me, I lived with one of my few close friends for about three months. Then I finally managed to get myself a run-down apartment in a pretty poor neighborhood where some strange people hang out. I can tell you, that shit really isn't nice to live in when you hear gunshots almost every night. But I still live so thank god.

Some of my homies and I wanted to go exploring a abandoned mansion today. I've always liked watching urban explorer visting those creepy and spooky forbidden places when I was younger. I've sometimes got nightmares after those video but I just couldn't stop myself from watching them. And now I do it myself.

I quickly packed my backpack with all the necessary stuff and dashed out of my already dented front door. The poor thing has had to endure a lot, like drunk men hitting the wood at three in the morning with such aggression that it bent inwards. I can still remember this event very clearly 'cause it actually scared my to death at this time. I mean who wouldn't shiver under their duvet when they hear exetremly loud bangs on their outside door?

When I was just about to close the door I quickly remembered that my phone was still lying on the kitchen counter. "Urghh I'm really becoming more and more forgetful, aren't I? Now I even forget my stupid phone before I go out." I murmured to myself. "I'm not even that old yet. I've only been living 19 years in this cruel world and I already can't stand shit anymore."

When I rushed back into my kitchen I quickly took my phone and just as I closed the door behind me I got a call from one of my friends.
"Lio where the fuck are you? We've told you to be there at 6pm why are you still not here?" I heard him shouting through the phone. "okay okay calm down bro it's not that deep." I answered him. But I guess he didn't like my answer pretty much because in the next second he started raising his voice and scolded me again "You're always the very last person when we want to meet up. What the fuck do you do the whole time that you always come way to late? You don't need to look like total playboy we-" "Oh goooshh Carlo just shut the fuck up you don't need to exaggerate so much." I complained to him with a annoying tone in my voice. "Don't interrupt me you stupid kid I wasn't finish talking yet! As I said earlier we only go to-" My ears were starting to hurt from his shouting. I couldn't stand listening to all this stupid talk anymore, so without a second thought I pressed the hang up button. Well maybe that was a stupid idea.

When I arrived at the abandoned mansion the sun was already about to vanish behind the horizon and only a few birdsong could still be heard through the silent air.
When I came closer to the spot where we wanted to meet everyone stared at me with an excellent angry facial expression. They always look at me like that when I come to late, and I almost always come to late so I know that they're already mastered those angry faces. I slowly walked towards them while I nervously scratched my neck.
"Uhm, well here I am haha" I tried to lighten the atmosphere a bit. "Yeah, after almost 1 hour to late hAHa" answered Carlo my best friend who was the one that called me before. I just rolled my eyes and then went back to looking at him with a annoyed expression. We both starred at eachother for almost a whole minute.
Matt then realised that we both wouldn't give up at the "starring game" so he just said "Okay guys please just stop that childish behavior and lets go into that damn building or else we'll be standing here till tomorrow."
I then broke eye contact with Carlo, even though I was reluctant to do so, and nodded to Matt to signal that we were ready to explore this old abandoned mansion. He just nodded back at us. This was finally the sign to go in. I admired the mansion from the outside one last time, how its edges and corners took on a light red tone in the evening sun and the color of the wall slowly but surely crumbled away and the color of the stone underneath became visible. That's what I find so beautiful about it. Admiring these old buildings and curious to find out what stories they might hide.

'The adventure can begin' I thought to myself while looking at the run down front door.
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URGGHHHHHH I'm so exhausted. But I hoped you liked this first chapter even tho it took me quite long hehehe :')
Yeah so I guess you may have get a quick look into Lio's life and don't worry we'll ofc see a bit more of his emotions and feelings when we're about to dive deeper into the storyline later one but I didn't want to surprise you all by writing down too much information at once. You're about to see more of his "rebellious" side in the next few chapters hehe. And sorry if there are grammatical mistakes I didn't look through it a second time lol.

Bye byeeeeeeee have a great morning/afternoon/evening/night.
Love uuu <3
♡♡♡