Constellations

Feed the Fire

"And I am the idiot with the painted face."

Me and My Husband
Mitski

Trisha

The warmth I expect when I wake up isn't there.

Instead I'm greeted with darkness and the subtle hum of an ac. I groan as I sit up to check the time; 4:27. My whole head is still groggy after whatever happened yesterday, so all I comprehend is that it's not time to get ready and fall back on my pillow.

My mind would've immediately shut down as my head hit the bed, but a rough row of knocks made their way in first and now I'm up again to check who's at the door at four in the damn morning.

I stumble across the small dorm Darlene and I live in and grasp the keys to unlock the front door.

"Hey Trish!" Jay whisper shouts, accompanied with his insufferable smile I can never hate.

"It's four in the fucking morning you weirdo." I say to the jock in front of me. He's dressed in sweats and a T-shirt that's slightly damp; running laps I suppose.

"Four-thirty actually, and it's also the time when you always wake up." He remembers, and is right. My body always automatically wakes up at around four no matter what. Well some days after all-nighters I don't, but nonetheless the fact that this weirdo in front of me knows that is unsettling.

I manage to groan out some sentences, "Mind you I don't do that anymore. And what are you even doing here all sweaty?" I give him a face at the end.

He gives me another knowing laugh. "Mind you, I doubt you don't especially with all the paint fumes you breathe in. And I'm here for our morning run!"

If I was more awake, that statement would have set off a fume in my heart. The hell you mean our run? It's been years since high school, you expect me to go with it?

But my fuzzy mind is most weak to the smile he gives me

"Give me a minute."

Next thing I know I'm walking with my high school best friend around the university's dorm building. High school? I don't know anymore.

"So how's Harvard treating you?" Jay asks as his tall figure towers over me. I always forget how freakishly tall he is. Or maybe I'm just short.

"eh." I shrug, head still groggy.

He laughs. "Is your professor that bad?" My mind is still too asleep to answer so I give him another hum.

"How about the other students, they treating you well?" He grins.

"Jay, you know I don't do well in the morning. With utter respect please shut the fuck up." He lets out a small wheeze, and I do too internally. This is university, bullies only stay in high school.

"Okay, okay... I already dragged you out here, the least I could to is listen to you as we take our morning run, huh?" He leans down a bit.

"Or should I say walk? C'mon Trish, whats got you worked up?" His cocky ass is right in front of me.

But I just give in and say, "Sorry Jay I'm just sleepy, haven't had a morning run- walk, in so long." I look up to his face which is leaning down to me.

To that he gives me a nod and shuts up, leaving us in silence which I hope he feels is more comfortable than yesterday.

My mind doesn't usually get worked up this early, but he just always seems to be able to set it off somehow. Did my response come off spiteful? No it's Jay, his mind doesn't play with him like this. Should've I said something more welcomingIt's too early for this.