In Between

Chapter 8: The Interview

I walk out of Sunshine Daycare with pride. Those kids were so sweet! I run across the street towards Kaylas car where she sat patiently waiting. I look back at the building lined with friendly pumpkins as she drives off. She waits until we are down the street to ask how my interview went. I smile ear to ear, "I got the job!" We both cheer. A crisp fall air blows past our faces as the windows roll down. "How are we gonna celebrate?" She asks as we hit a red light. I shrug, "dinner?" She shakes her head, "I was thinking more like a party, but dinner works. We'll just drink a whole bunch." Laughter slips in and out of the car as she turns up the radio. I get to work with kids. I have somewhere to go every day. I'm gonna need my own car or something. It's a short ride home at the speeds Kayla hits when cruising through the backroads of town. "So, I'll be back for dinner? I'll call my mom to watch the kids." I nod, the smile never having left my face. She speeds out of the driveway as I make my way into the house to see him waiting at the table.

"Where were you?" Concern written in his tone.
"My interview at Sunshine Daycare!"
"I thought we talked about the fact that I couldn't bring you?" His concern fades.
"We did, but Kayla offered, so it worked out."
"Mhm, well I can't bring you to work every day."
"Kayla said she'd help because that's where they take the kids! We're gonna celebrate tonight at dinner because they offered me the job on spot!"
I make my way into the kitchen to start planning the celebration dinner. As I open the fridge door, he forcefully closes it. What the fuck? Is he not happy for me? He shakes his head, "I didn't agree to this."
"Do you want me to reschedule? We were just excited."
"No, I didn't agree to you working." I stand there with a blank face, not sure how to feel. "I need you home. You cook, you clean, you can't waste your time with a stupid job that will get you nowhere."
"I'm working with kids. It'll prepare me for being a parent. And I could use the money to save up for a car!" I feel myself getting defensive, but I keep a positive attitude so as not to anger him any further.

He shuts me down immediately. His aggression grows, screaming at me now for having considered working. He threatens to kick me out and throw all of my belongings in the trash. I stand quietly, stunned. I thought this would be a good thing. He always complains that I never do anything. He pushes me back into reality, "You can go to that dumb job, but you won't be with me while you do it. And don't you forget that I give you every-fucking-thing. You'll be lost on your own." He's right. I can't live without him. I nod in agreement, holding back tears. I feel a lump in my throat. He takes a deep breath, something that I cannot do in this very moment.

"I only act this way because I love you."

He wraps his arms around me to comfort me. I don't move, silently crying without any tears. I guess a job was kinda stupid. How was I gonna have Kayla bring me every day? Who would cook or clean? I belong here. I don't deserve that job. "We can have Kayla and Brent come for dinner. Just tell them they called you back and changed their minds." I agree with him. At least Kayla is going to bring alcohol. I'm gonna need that.

We decided to order a pizza. It felt fitting for a non-celebratory meal. Kayla did as she promised; she and Brent showed up promptly for dinner with two bottles of champagne. I welcomed them with disappointment, knowing I had to lie to them about something that was exciting just hours ago. Kayla cheered as she entered, "champagne for the new babysitter!" She noticed very quickly that I did not smile like I did when I first left the daycare. "Congratulations, Vanessa! First job?" Asks Brent nonchalantly. I nod, "It would have been." He stares as I explain to them that they changed their minds. Kayla exclaims in disbelief. She insists that I allow her to talk to someone. I decline, nearly in tears. "Let's just drink this away" I tell her, trying to make light of the situation. "I'll cheers to that!" He says while getting us each a glass. In agreement, we all cheers to drinking our problems away. The champagne makes the disappointment go down a bit smoother.

By the end of the night, Brent and Kayla decide to sleep in our living room as opposed to driving home drunk. After giving them blankets and pillows, we make our way up to the room to sleep the day off. He makes a move. I'm barely coherent enough to make out any words. Leave me alone. I tell him I'm not comfortable with doing anything while Brent and Kayla are downstairs and he responds with, "I can tell them to leave." Fucking ass. I'd actually rather be with them down there. I please him enough to leave me alone for the rest of the night and spend yet another night crying myself to sleep.