Do You Want To Be Trapped

29

Collin

Growing up, I always wanted to think of myself as brave. That no matter what I may come up against in life I would always face it no matter what with strength. I have proven as an adult to do anything but that. It all started with my relationship with Holly. Rather than face the music of breaking things off when I didn't feel the same way she did, I lied. Then I did an even dumber and cowardly thing and started seeing Anna at the same time. I was a stupid fucking child and now I have my daughter and Holly in danger because of it.

Anna has a blade of some kind on my back. Rather than face her alone I did just what she wanted and came here. I thought I was just trying to keep her calm, but now that we're here and I see Holly handling my mess, I know that I've fucked up beyond anything I could ever do. What I don't know is how I can fix anything. I've never been this afraid in my life. I've never had to face a situation that could lead to someone getting physically hurt before..

"You heard her, Collin. Why can't we be together if she doesn't want you any more? What have I done that's so bad that you can't love me?" Anna asks.

How do I even answer that? All I can think about is somewhere in this house my daughter is laying exposed. I know Holly and Gage will protect her to the death, but did they know to hide Etta? Probably not. Who thinks that they're going to be visited by someone who might hurt their child?

"Anna, it isn't something so simple as something you've done. I'm the one who's messed everything up. Not you. Can you understand what I'm saying?" I say as gently as I can.

Anna tilts her head to the side, thinking. I see the pain she's in, but there's more there than that. She's hurt, but she's angry. I understand where her anger is coming from, but what I don't know is how to stop it. I can't make it better, but I can do my best to protect those around me.

"No. Collin, I don't understand. You told me you loved me and wanted to marry me. You made me think we were end game. I thought we could raise Etta and add to the family. You said you were done with Holly, so I thought that meant we were going to step up and do it all. Then you wanted to share Etta with Holly. I don't understand how you can change your mind so fast about us. What has Holly done to make you have so much trust in her? What have I done that makes you have so little trust in me, in us?"

To look like she's in the middle of a nervous breakdown, Anna says some very sane things. But what can I say that will make any sense to her? I'm barely understanding it myself.

"Anna, you can believe this or not, but I didn't know how I felt until the days right before I ended things. I didn't know what love is and I still don't really know. I thought that being compatible and you being all I was looking for in a wife meant I loved you. I thought it was the right thing and the best thing for us. I was wrong. I was so, so wrong. And for that, I'm sorry. I didn't realize it, but I was playing with your heart. I'm sorry." I tell her as honestly as I know how.

Anna's face contorts into one full of rage. She went straight to rage from anger and it's the scariest thing I think I've ever seen. She pulls the blade from my back and quickly stands in front of me with the blade pointed at my face. Gage quickly moves in front of Holly and she gasps.

"Do you think that absolves you of your sins? Do you honestly think that some half-assed I'm sorry is going to make up for all the shit you pulled? Collin you took my love, and you used it to make yourself feel better about everything!" Anna shouts.

I don't know what triggers it, but I've had enough. I don't want to just sit here and let this woman hold the power over me to possibly ruin my life forever. She could take the life of any person here in this house. Etta's life is just starting and I can't imagine it being snuffed out like this. I can't imagine Holly dying or her losing Gage, not when they just found each other and became happy. I stand up, placing the tip of the blade in the center of chest.

"I haven't done shit to make myself feel better!" Anna blanches at my tone. "If I wanted to make myself feel better, then I would leave everything behind and just do whatever the fuck I want! Does any of this look like it's fun to you? I've had to realise that I threw the best woman I ever could have had away. I have to watch as my child has a man in her life that she will probably think of more than a father than me. I've had a girlfriend who never lifted a finger to do a damn thing until it suited her!"

I take a step forward so that the blade is slightly pressed into my chest. If I can only do one thing right in this life, let it be at this moment. Let it be that I protected Etta and Holly.

"So tell me, Anna, what have I done that really makes me feel better? What could I have done that would have made me feel better? You seem to think you have all the answers, but I have yet to hear you tell me something that would have helped." I growl out.

"You think you can just get rid of me after all that you promised? Throwing me away like I mean nothing. Acting like all that I gave you is disposable? Is that something you would want to happen to her? What if I were to make her disposable?" she yells, pointing at Holly.

"No! Of course not. I never threw you away!" I yell back.

Everything moves in slow motion as I see Anna start to move. I can't let this happen. I move as fast as I can to try to stop her from getting to Holly. Gage is yelling and I can hear Holly scream. Anna gets tackled by Gage and I see Holly standing there pale and holding her hands to her mouth.

I can hear voices, but I can't tell who is saying what. Holly comes toward me and she seems to be saying something but I still can't hear her. And that's when I feel it. The pain. My hands instinctually lift to my stomach. I pull them back after I touch it and see the blood. I'm bleeding. At least she's safe. At least Etta's safe.