Dumb Luck (gxg)

CHAPTER 1

"You are an asshole, you know that?" she was looking at me, tears dripping down her angered face. I guess I pushed her buttons too far this time; there is no way she will forgive me.

She was a sweet girl, you know... I guess I should not call her a girl, she was in fact 9 years older than me. Even though there was a pretty big age gap between us, she was too naïve to be called a woman. The woman in front of me had trouble breathing; no matter how hard she tried to collect herself, she couldn't. I can't lie, seeing her so broken right in front of me made me happy inside; it wasn't my fault that she decided to start falling in love with me.

Don't get me wrong, I was somewhat crazy about her when I first laid my eyes on her. I liked the way she said my name when I first introduced myself to her, I liked the way she held eye contact a little bit longer with anyone, making other people uncomfortable against her gaze. I liked how confident she was, not only about herself, but about her body as well, the way she would talk with authority, making everyone do anything she asked. I liked how innocent she was until she wasn't. I still remember the first time she got drunk – it was the first time she got touchy with me. I always thought it was funny that people drank to gain confidence in order to flirt or to get touchy. I liked how whenever we had a conversation, I could see in her eyes that she was trying to analyze me as I was trying to pretend that I opened up to her. What I'm trying to say is; I liked the chase, the second she agreed to be caught was the second I lost interest in her.

"I don't know what you want me to say," I said as I looked deeply into her eyes. The big blue eyes that she once had filled with happiness were now replaced with agony. She looked broken; she was broken.

"At least have the audacity to say that you are sorry," she was a lot calmer now. I really hope she is done with me. Why can't she give up on me? There is literally nothing I can offer her besides great sex.

"I am sorry."

"No, you are not, I fucking know you better than you know yourself. There is not a single drop of remorse in your voice." She didn't know me, if she did, she would know that I never felt guilty when it came to relationships.

"I guess I should leave then." I didn't see a point in standing here and wasting my time. Slowly, I started turning the other way, hoping she would let go of me.

"Don't..." There was a long pause after that, so I carefully studied her face. Although she was broken, I could still see the love she had for me in her eyes.

"Don't go, don't leave me here all by myself. I can't be here alone – everything here reminds me of you." We were both looking at each other; deep down I really hoped she wouldn't forgive me this time. Why is she not that confident woman I once met? Doesn't she respect herself as a woman? Just slap me, scream hateful things at me, push me out of your apartment and tell me to never contact you again.

"I forgive you. Please, just please don't ever cheat on me again. Promise you will never do that again," her voice was trembling. Maybe some part of her wanted me to leave? She was probably afraid to admit it, but she was better off without me. Suddenly, she was sitting on her couch while I was still standing by the door deciding if I should leave or stay to hear her out.

"I know you are young; you probably want to experience a lot more than what I can offer you. I can change, you know that, right? We can get through this, trust me. Everything is going to be fine." Why the fuck is she saying that? It just proves my point that she is too naïve to function in this world.

I hated her for that, being so naïve. I never believed in zodiac signs, but holy fuck, she is a true definition of a cancer. She is the type of girl that tries to fix you when there is no need to fix you. I was never broken, nor did I ever need any type of help. She overanalyzed things, got attached quickly, remembered every single thing I ever said to her. She was draining me, and I was getting sick of her.

"Look, Rosie, you and I both know that this relationship is slowly but surely becoming toxic." I didn't know what to say next; she was waiting to listen and see what other words were coming out of my mouth. "The fact that I cheated should be the last straw for you. You shouldn't forgive me this easily; it is not healthy."

"Didn't you hear a word I said to you? Just promise me that you will not do that again. I was young once; I know how easily temptations can occur." She got up from the sofa and started walking towards me, as she stood right beside me, she started carefully caressing my cheek.

"I forgive you because I love you." Once again, the "I love you" slips out of her mouth so easily. This is not a love story; it never was and never will be.

The very first time she said those three words happened rather quickly, it was back then when I was still chasing her. We were colleagues at the time; she texted me that she had a stressful shift that evening. I picked her up in my car after her shift was done and drove her to a panoramic view on top of the hill. We were eating sushi, and I was putting too much wasabi on my sushi, and every time I started coughing, she would begin to laugh. She was laughing wholeheartedly, and at some point, she stopped; she was once again analyzing me. "I love you. I know I'm probably making a fool of myself telling you this so early on, but I really do. You can't imagine how happy I am with you. I would have never thought I would fall in love with a girl, but look at me now. I am sitting right in front of her. I never felt so happy in my life; you seriously make me whole. Thank you. Thank you for appearing in my life, for giving me a chance, for being there for me." I was shocked. That was it, she was in love with me. That was the second I lost interest in her.

"I can't promise you that," I mumbled. "I will hurt you once again, and you will forgive me like you always do." She was now tracing my jaw with her index finger, probably not listening to a word I said.

"I don't think this will ever work out. We are different." I saw she was about to say something. "And before you say it, I know opposites attract, but not in this case." Her eyes were starting to get watery again. "Rosie, we tried, but as I said, this is not healthy for both of us." She looked like a lost puppy.

"Don't fucking do this. I gave up everything to be here with you. I came to this fucking country for a year, remember? To find myself, but I ended up finding you. And then I had to accept this fucking job in order to stay here, in this shithole, so that we could be together. I did this for us." Her tone was starting to get harsh.

"I never asked you to stay," I said harshly. It was the truth. I didn't think she would be stupid enough to stay here for me.

"You never asked me to go back to Europe."

"You are 30 years old, I thought you were smart enough to make a logical decision." I can't take this anymore; I always loved to break people's hearts, but I promised myself never to break hers. I was starting to lose my patience, and the promise of not breaking her heart was becoming really hard.

"I can't think straight when I know I've been blessed to have you in my life. I would do it over and over again if that meant that I could have you." This was getting hard, my blood started to boil, please have some self-respect, just let me leave and don't make this so fucking cringy.

"Don't blame me just because you can't make rational decisions."

"Stay," she whispered quietly as she began kissing my neck.

"There is no point, I am done with you. Please try to move on. I have to go and meet my friends at the bar." I could see her tears flowing down her cheek as I pushed her away.

She started screaming, grabbing my jacket, holding my wrist. I freed myself from her and opened the door.

"Rosie, I really wish the best for you. I am sorry that I couldn't be the one to make you happy." I looked at her as she was laying on her wooden floor, gasping for air, bawling her eyes out.

I know, I know. You are probably thinking that I am a scumbag or that I am carrying some sort of childhood trauma that never was fixed. Everything is perfectly fine with me. I was never heartbroken, and no one bullied me in school. I have lots of friends with different hobbies and mindsets whom I like to spend time with. I have ambitions and goals for the future.