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SIYA
Who said a single string of words can't bring you back to your past.
It can.
Everything seemed to stop when he uttered those words, the ones that still haunt me, chasing me through the darkness of my nightmares whenever someone mentions them.
Marriage and love.
He didn't say the latter, and for that, I'm thankful. But that doesn't mean the one he did say doesn't thrust me back into my past—back to him.
Those words haunt my nights, turning them sleepless, where I can't help but think of him repeatedly, chanting 'it's over' like a mantra. No matter how much I resist, since that café incident, my mind is filled with his thoughts, his words, his behavior, his very existence.
He said all those pretty things, didn't he? But that's not how you behave with someone you love.
There must be something wrong with me. How can I still think about him when he's gone? He's not a part of my life anymore, or maybe he never was. Because a part of me thinks it still matters, but another part tells me it was inevitable.
But could he do that to me?
To us?
No, don't go there.
It's the third day and I'm still thinking about the proposal. ever since I walked out of the café that day, I told him I needed some time to think. I never knew I would be overthinking about that.
I was pretty shocked when he suddenly said 'let's get married.' Honestly, if I had not been sitting at that time, I would have definitely fallen down due to shock.
It's not because he asked, it's because what he asked.
The sound of the alarm clock jolted me back to reality. Grabbing the phone from the bedside table, I checked the time: 7:00 am. That's when I realized I hadn't slept all night.
Again.
Rubbing my face with my hands, I straightened up and adjusted myself to sit properly, leaning against the headrest for support. The pain in my head intensified, and I instinctively pressed my forehead tightly with my hands. "Not now," I whispered, my voice breaking from the pain.
Few minutes later, the pain seems to reduce a little and I decide to take a warm shower. Walking towards the closet. I picked out a simple sleek-long black dress.
Turning the faucet on, I walked in. after taking my time in pampering myself with body products, I walked out, draping myself in a bathrobe. Holding up the dryer, I blow dried my hairs, after that I started to do my skin care.
At least this feels good.
Whenever I'm feeling low, all I do is took a long shower and pamper myself like this; skincare and get dressed.
