Hate it or love it

Hurt

Ashley's pov

I can't sleep. No matter how hard I am trying. No matter how tired I am. I just can't sleep. I sat up from my position on the couch and just stared at the wall blankly. Millions of thoughts speeding allover my head not letting me focus on anything. I sighed and looked at the clock as it hit 4am. Damn I was so fucked up I didn't even realize what time it was. I got to the kitchen and poured myself some water hoping that it will magically just make me want to go to bed. But nothing like that happened. I just sat there my head hanging between my shoulders. My head was going through some serious shit considering the fact that I have a headache that threatens to break my head any second now. I then remember that when I was younger I used to go out and play some soccer when I felt a lot of pressure lay on top of me. So that is exactly what I did. I changed quickly into some sweatpants and a t-shirt, grabbed my favorite ball and left the apartment. I didn't worry about Paige being alone cause Nika had slept at my room so if they needed anything they had each other. I just needed a break. I walked towards the soccer field on campus and when I arrived I just stayed still for a moment. Breathing in the freshening air before placing the ball to the ground. I started dribbling trying to test if I remember my old skills. Turns out I do! After a while I just started kicking the ball with the goal for it not to touch the ground. I always loved to play that game. It was silly but it brought me so much joy making me remember the times when I played soccer as a little kid with my brother. Speaking of that little shit has now grown to become a man. I still remember when he was shorter than me. Now he's slightly taller and thinks he is the king of the world. Although even after all those pranks he pulled on me or the many times we argued I always knew that he would be here for me when I needed him. Roy is just something else. I trust him with my life and I know he trusts me with his. While I was playing my little game and thinking about life I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I pick up the phone confused cause who the hell calls someone at 4am in the morning?
"Hello?" I asked curious. "Are you insane where are you?" I heard Nika practically shout at me making me laugh "Don't laugh Brown you scared the shit out of me when I didn't see you in the couch or the balcony. Now tell me where are you?" She demanded and I explained that I had come to the football field to calm down from my thoughts. "Alright stay where you are I'm coming and before you say anything Paige doesn't want me to babysit her so zip it and stay there" before I could even respond to her she had hung up on me clearly making her way over here. I just shrugged it off and started kicking the ball to the net shooting it with all my strength to let some steam off before Nika arrives. I don't want her to see me frustrated from my own self she'll think I'm crazy. Even though she already knows I am but that's beside the point. After around three minutes I see Nika running towards me and the moment she reaches me she tackles me to the ground. Laughter erupts around us as she was cussing at me like I had disappeared for a decade "don't ever do shit like that again you fucker! You scared me to death" she complained making my laughter ten times louder. Once I calmed down and she stopped hitting me we stared at the sky for sometime before I chose this time to speak up "how is she?". Nika looked at me with a confused look "Paige. Is she sleeping?" I clarified making her smile and turning to look once again to the sky "she couldn't sleep for some reason. She seemed a bit worried but idk. Y'all are coming closeee" she said nudging me and I rolled my eyes at her before punching her shoulder. "Come on get up. Show me what you got" she said standing up and taking the ball from my hands. I got up chasing her laughing at the attempt of trying to run away from me. I took the ball from her feet and dribbled my way around "wow you show off harder than Paige " she said looking at me flexing my skills "hey I can't help it I am just too good" I responded laughing to myself "yep that's a Paige thing" she said and motioned for me to get out of there "you hungry?" I asked feeling my stomach complain "I am actually. Wanna go at Cane's?" She asked and I haven't agreed this fast again with someone. We headed back to the apartment complex so we could take my car and make our way to get some food. Once we arrived we got our food and sat at one of the tables there. "so are you excited about our trip next week?" She asked and I felt my eyes widen to the information I had completely forgotten about "oh shit! I had totally forgot about that!" I said and she started laughing seeing my panic "dude you're the only person I know who could forget that you were going to New York man fr" she said in between laughs and I just shook my head smiling and looking away. It's true I tend to forget awfully a lot of things for it to be normal. We ended up not sleeping at all that night. When we finished our food I dropped Nika off at her form so she could get ready for practice and I headed to my dorm so I could get ready as well. As I opened the door I saw Paige arguing with someone on the phone. "okay look I'm sorry but it's not my fault!" I heard her shout and decided to head towards my room to get changed. After a while I was ready and Paige had hung up the phone and was ready to leave for practice. "you ready?" She asked sternly and I nodded not really being in the mood to deal with her insults and crappy attitude she always gave me. I had put on a hoodie and some grey sweatpants cause it was pretty cold for October but I was feeling very odd like if I wanted to pull my skin or something. Anyways I just brushed the feeling off and continued to walk. We walked in silence towards the gym and we separated when she got on the court and I went in my office. I talked to Geno for a while informing him about the players conditions and he told me that he was very satisfied with my work. That was the first nice thing I heard this morning and it honestly made my day a little better. As I was sitting at my office I saw that my phone was ringing. Turns out my mom was calling and I couldn't help but smile at my screen before answering "hey mom" I said softly smiling at myself. Me and my mom were besties since I hit the age of 12. She knew that I was gay and we would always talk about my girlfriends and things like that. She also knew about Emily and she knew that I was not in the best mood these past few days. I'm guessing she wouldn't ask about her because she thought I would be upset which of course she was right. "Hi baby. How are you?" I heard her soft sweet voice through the phone. "I'm good momma I am now at my office" I said turning my back to the door without realizing and continued talking with my mother. She filled me in on how Sarah my little sister is doing she is now 11 years old and she is on the volleyball team. My brother was working all the time as usual and my dad spent most of his time in the garage "gosh I miss that garage. Dad better not touch my car" I said warningly and I heard her chuckling before agreeing on keeping him away. We were talking for quite some time now until I heard someone clear their throat behind me. I turned around and saw Paige with Nika standing there. I assumed that practice was over but something was wrong. They were both awfully quiet... "Hey ma I gotta go I'll call you later okay?" I offered and she laughed before she answered softly "yea honey of course. Go be great. Talk to you later kisses" and with that I mumbled her a thank you and we hung up. I stood up from my seat and came in front of them "what happened why are you looking at me like that?" I said confused because I noticed that Paige had a frown on her face and not the usual when she sees me and Nika seemed... disappointed? "Baby there is someone outside who won't leave before they see you and I think you need to gather your strength for this" Nika said lowly. I took a deep breath and put my sleeves up before I got out of the gym and I almost froze at my feet when I was met with the only person I didn't want to deal with. At the moment I recognized her I went to turn around and head back inside cause I really didn't want to talk to her. "Ashley wait! Let me talk to you" she shouted making me stop at my tracks making eye contact with Nika who was standing in front of me. "Do you need help?" I saw her say silently to me but I just shook my head before facing Emily once again. "What do you want" I said not clearly asking. In a more demanding way let's say. "I wanna try this again. I don't want to ruin it because of a mistake" she said taking a step closer. I tightened my grip to my phone and my jaw clenched at her words "I don't think cheating multiple times counts as one mistake Emily" I said firmly while taking a step back. "I don't have anything to say to you and I don't want to hear anything you have to tell me" and with that I walked past Nika and Paige my shoulder brushing against Paige's due to lack of space since she was standing in front of the door. I placed my hands on the desk and I tried calming down but nothing worked. Rage was filling me even more as the seconds went by. "Hey baby. How are you feeling?" I heard Nika sat and without saying anything I just threw myself at her hands hugging her tightly. I let my guard down and started crying in her arms while she tried calming me down knowing I was devastated without me being aware of the blonde's presence at the corner of the room.

Heyyy girlieess. Our dear Ashley is having some trouble on living. I WILL GIVE HER A BREAK. some time. ANYWAYS I hope y'all like thisss. I kinda want to make this a slow burn but I'm not sure yet. I guess we'll see in the future 🤭 Make sure not to ghost read babies like or comment with ideas or anything else you want. Stay tuned pookiess

xoxo your favorite author 💋