Iron Bloodlines

Tell me something honest

Bucky's POV:

I watch as Elise stands from the table and moves towards the hallway. Nat's words replay in my mind. "You can fix this...if you wanted to." I glance over at Nat, who is aggressively whispering and pointing her finger in Elise's direction.

"Go...fix it...now! That guy's a freak!" she urges.

I know I told her to stop meddling....

But before I can stop myself, I'm up out of my chair, ignoring every instinct I have and moving through the foyer to the hallway. As I round the corner, I see Elise entering the restroom. I sprint, stopping the door with my hand as she tries to close it.

"Bucky...what are you..." she begins, her eyes wide with surprise.

"I need five minutes. Please?" I plead, holding her gaze.

She swallows hard, and then, with a sigh, steps back, letting me enter. My gaze stays locked on her as I shut the door behind me.

"Elise, I'm...I'm sorry. I hurt you. I never wanted that. I stand by the fact that I am not good for you. That hasn't changed...but I'm so sorry I hurt you," I say, my voice heavy with regret.

"You did hurt me," she whispers, the pain in her voice cutting through me.

"I know. And I can never take that back. Everything I've ever done is to protect you. To keep you safe. And after everything, I'm the one who hurt you. I...I honestly didn't think anyone, especially you, could truly love someone like me. That I could never deserve love. I didn't believe that you could truly love me..." I admit, my heart aching with every word.

"I did...I do love you, Bucky. With everything I have. But that wasn't the problem," she says, taking a small step, moving closer to me.

My brow furrows, confusion and pain etched into my features. "What do you mean?" I ask, my voice shaky.

"You didn't love yourself enough," she replies, her eyes searching mine.

"Elise, I...I hurt you," I say, the guilt weighing heavy in my words.

"No, Buck...you..." she begins, but I interrupt her.

"I threw you across the room. You cracked your head open on the dresser and had a concussion," I spit out, and she watches as the tears begin to well up in my eyes.

"Bucky, you were having a nightmare. I tried to wake you. I scared you. I don't blame you at all for what happened," she says, her tone firm and compassionate.

*God, how can she be so...forgiving?*

"I do, Elise. You...you don't deserve...a..." I start, my voice breaking.

"A what? A monster? You're right. I don't. You are the furthest thing from a monster, Bucky," she interjects, her voice rising with emotion. "And I...I spent two and a half years trying to show you that. But you still see yourself as him. The Winter Soldier. You...don't believe you are worthy of anything good. You don't believe you are worthy of kindness, and joy, and love. So you...you self-sabotage, and push anyone away who tries to show you these things because you cannot fathom that you, James Buchanan Barnes, deserve the world."

Silence hangs heavy between us, the weight of her words settling in the space.

"Your only flaws were not loving yourself enough...and not trusting me," she says, more curtly than I'm sure she intended, her words hanging in the air like a challenge.

I stand there, her truth piercing through the thick fog of self-loathing that has clouded my mind for so long. She's right. I've been pushing her away, convinced I'm not worthy of her love. But hearing her say it out loud, seeing the pain in her eyes, it makes me realize how much I've hurt her by not believing in myself, by not trusting in us.