Paul Is Dead

I Should Have Known Better

JOHN'S POV

I had lost my best friend. I couldn't believe that I had lost my best friend.

It was strange, because before the accident had happened I don't know if I would have admitted out loud that I considered Paul to be my best friend, because no one wants to hear that kind of mushy gushy stuff. But he really was. He was my best friend.

Now that the funeral was all over with, Brian told us that we needed to resume our lives and go on as if nothing had happened. That would, of course, be impossible. But I was pretty good at covering those sorts of things up. I always have been. Music is my ultimate defense mechanism.

We now spent most of our time in the studio, working on our upcoming album Rubber Soul. We picked the name based on the phrase "plastic soul", which was a term that African Americans used to describe white men singing soul music. It was different and creative and we liked it, so we went through with it. Plus Paul had really liked it when we first began discussing it months ago, so we figured it would be a good way of memorializing him.

As time went on, I began to regret our decision to replace Paul more and more. While the success of the band was very important to him, what we did now seemed almost unfair. The poor guy would be rolling in his grave if he knew what we were up to.

I paused in thought. Actually, maybe he did know. I had been dreaming of Paul more and more each night.

I sat with my guitar in hand, fiddling around with chords that we wanted to put into a song.

"Maybe that one note should be held longer...I wish Paul were here to give his opinion," I mumbled softly to myself. I looked up and noticed that William was looking at me, but he quickly looked away when he met my gaze. I wouldn't let him get away that easily, though.

"So, come up with any hit songs yet Faul?"

Faul, a nickname I came up with. Stood for fake Paul.

He gave me a nervous grin.

"Slow down Lennon, I'm still trying to get a hang of the whole bass thing."

I scoffed and turned away before I allowed myself a small smile. He wasn't half bad. Plus the resemblance between him and Paul was a little scary, even before all the surgeries started to take place.

Since Paul had died, I had a million new ideas for the new album. Like I said, music was my ultimate defense mechanism, and I planned on using it to the fullest. I decided it was finally time to introduce my new idea to the rest of the group.

I abruptly stopped playing my guitar and looked up, waiting for everyone else to notice. It only took a few seconds before George looked up at me, then Ringo. William had taken a glance and looked away, but quickly looked back when he noticed that everyone else was still looking at me.

"Something up, John?" George asked almost a bit nervously. "This is the first time you've stopped playing that thing all week."

Ringo narrowed his eyes in my direction. "He's got that look on his face," he said to George, although he kept his gaze on me. "What are you thinking, Lennon?"

I couldn't stop the mischievous grin from spreading across my face. "I think you might actually appreciate this one, boys," I said, setting my guitar down. I could tell they were all really interested now, and I fed off of the anticipation.

"Tell us!" William finally blurted out, blushing a dark shade of red almost immediately after he opened his mouth.

I cleared my throat dramatically, allowing a few seconds to pass before I spoke.

"We should leave clues," I said. Plain and simple.

A silence hung in the air.

"Clues?" George asked quietly. "You mean, about...?"

His voice faded off, as if he were scared to say what he was thinking. I knew exactly what he was thinking. And he was absolutely right.

Ringo widened his eyes. "John, we can't tell the public what really happened! We had an agreement with Brian, not mention everyone else involved! We'd be out of the job in a second!"

I held my hands up in surrender. "Woah, slow down Rings! I didn't mean for us to fuckin' announce it to the world! Just leave some subtle clues, that's all. It would be fun for us to see if anyone catches on, and all the while we'll be keeping Paul alive with our music."

The silence returned for a few more moments while everyone pondered the idea.

"I think it sounds like a good plan," William squeaked. George nodded fiercely, a look of determination in his eyes.

"Me too. I'm in."

We all looked towards Ringo, and he returned our stares with an exasperated expression.

"Well, of course I'm in! Did you really think I wouldn't be?"

I smiled, thrilled that I could finally share my ideas with the rest of the group on the subject. I threw my guitar strap back over my body and took the pick into my hand. I looked around at my fellow band members before I began, then strummed the first chord of the song, pointing to William.

"You'd be singing this one, my friend," I said with a wink. I cleared my throat and took a deep breath.

"I'm looking through you..."

- - - - - - - - - -

Four weeks later, Rubber Soul was released, just in time to make the Christmas market. We worked long and hard on it, and I thought we reached a satisfactory amount of "clues".

One was basically the entirety of the song I'm Looking Through You. At first listen it just sounds like the normal-Beatles message, a song about a girl. But we wrote this mainly about Paul.

"The only difference is you're down there..."

Down there. In the ground. Buried.

"You don't look different, but you have changed..."

Another line about Paul. He didn't look different, because William's surgeries made him look more and more like Paul everyday, but he had changed in the way that he was no longer the same person.

In My Life wasn't necessarily a clue, but more of a message from us to Paul. Wherever he was, we wanted him to know how we felt about everything, and we felt that the song really helped to get that message across.

Drive My Car. Not necessarily a huge clue or anything, but it made an allusion to the fact that Paul died in a car crash.

We even tried to stick clues into the cover. The photo was of the four of us, and seemed normal enough. But it was distorted, appearing to be a little stretched out and angled. The angle made it appear as if the camera was looking up at the four of us, as if it were Paul looking up from his grave.

We were very contempt with the clues we had hidden within the album, and had no regrets as it's release date approached. Once December 3, 1965 rolled around, all we could do was sit back and wait.

The album as a whole was actually a huge success. But as weeks went by, no one mentioned anything about any of the clues. I was a bit disappointed, honestly. I was hoping for some trouble.

In time, we did get some trouble. Just not from any fans.

"What in God's name is the meaning of this?" Eppy said to us one night about a month after the album's release, his head a bright shade of pink. He had a copy of Rubber Soul clutched in his hand. 

We looked at each other, and then up at him innocently.

"What ever do you mean?" I said sweetly. Brian rolled his eyes so hard I thought he might faint.

"The producers are furious," he fumed, ignoring my question. "They came to me today making claims that there are some things in this album that hint towards Paul's death! We had a deal, fellas!"

He pressed his fingers against his forehead and began pacing around the room.

"I should have known better than to let you release this album without letting me look it over first..."