Life of a piece of meat

Feeling like meat

Hope’s racing thoughts follow her to the guest room as she seeks refuge beneath the covers, her mind a tempest of what-ifs and self-recrimination. 

Meanwhile, Derek sits in silence on the floor, processing the bombshell she’s dropped. He rubs his temples, his hands shaking with the effort to remain calm.  “How did I not see it?” he wonders.  “How did I not see her pain?”

In the evening Hope hears one of their cars rumbling and figured he'd left so she tip toed downstairs to see if she could whip up something quick before Derek came back, "

I'm  soo hungry I could eat a whole spaceship and enquire later what species was in there, or should I leave one and tell them to take me with coz space sure does sound more appeasing right now " she chuckles trying lift own her mood.

Hope sets about making herself something to eat, her joke doing little to assuage the anxiety that’s begun to gnaw at her insides.  As she stirs some pasta, a clatter at the front door startles her, her heart leaping into her throat.  “Hello?” she calls out, her voice quavering slightly, hoping against hope that it’s not Derek.

“Helloo if you're a serial killer could you at least give me thirty minutes to have my last meal in peace,” she then mumbles,“i'ts the least you could do if you're gona gut me down or is it up... mhh I donno.”

Derek appears in the doorway, a bag of groceries in hand, his expression dark and unreadable.  At Hope’s words, the corners of his mouth twitch upward, the beginnings of a smile creeping into his face. 

“And if I’m not a serial killer?” he asks, walking into the kitchen and setting down the groceries.  He glances up, meeting her gaze, his expression softening. “If I’m just the guy who loves you, what then?”

"well then I wouldn't be having pasta as my last meal... imagine of all the meals in the world there's burgers, pizza, burgers...wait I already said that , anyways you're lacking in the feeding your girlfriend department my dear...

I mean Derek" she quickly looks down suddenly recalling why she was avoiding him in the first place, she started looking for a way to get out of his site before he also remembers and gets disgusted.

Derek’s smile widens at her quip, but his eyes narrow as he notices Hope’s sudden evasion.  “What’s the rush?” he asks, stepping in her path and resting a hand on her arm.  “I’ve got all the time in the world for you, Hope.”  His tone is gentle, yet determined, his gaze searching hers for answers. “You don’t have to run from me.”

“So what should I do, wait for you to run away or worse..." she looks at him briefly before playing with and looking at her hands before she whispers, “I know you're disgusted by me now at least could we stay as friends, we don't even have to communicate often I just want to know you don't hate me"
Derek’s heart breaks at her words, a pained expression crossing his face. 

“Disgusted?  Hate you?  How could I ever hate you?”  He cups her face in his hands, forcing her to meet his gaze. “Hope, you’re the most incredible, beautiful woman I’ve ever known.  You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved as much as I do, and nothing you could ever say or do could make me feel differently.” He presses a soft kiss to her forehead.

“Even if l told your mom exactly what I think of her taste in wedding preparations" she pouts a bit. Derek lets out a soft chuckle, his thumb brushing gently over her cheek.  “Well, there’s a good chance she’d try to murder you with a wedding cake topper, but I’d protect you.”  His smile grows.

“Besides, Hope, the truth is, I’d rather elope with you than have a big wedding.  I don’t need a big ceremony or a ring to tell the world you’re mine.  All I need is you.”
“Of cause you'd say that, have you seen me,” she does a full turn, plays with her hair a bit and brushed non existent dust from her left shoulder.

“You know what, Hope?  You’re absolutely right.” Derek grins as he watches her playful display. “How could I not have noticed?” He pulls her into a tight embrace, his lips pressing to the crook of her neck.

“So, how about we skip the wedding altogether, hop on a plane to Vegas, and get married by an Elvis impersonator?”  He looks up at her, his eyes dancing with mischief.

"Vegas sounds like the kind of place that would make mommy dearest fume so hard her ears would emit smoke," she giggles and keeps on making him kiss her neck by extending it every time he thinks he's done or by dragging his face to her neck. Derek’s laughter rumbles against her skin, his lips chasing the places she teases him with. 

“Hope, you’re playing with fire now.  I think I might have to punish you for your mischief.”  His tone is light, but there’s a hint of hunger in his voice.  “You’ve been a naughty girl, you know.  Making me chase you around the kitchen like a love-struck puppy.”  He nibbles playfully at her ear.

“Honey you are no puppy ( she looks at his nether region before nodding as if confirming her previous statement) I'm not really in the mood for that... I mean if you put your hand there  there's some moisture but that's not what I want,” she huffs and just kisses him not finding the right words to explain her predicament.

Derek’s eyes darken at her words, his fingers curling into the fabric of her shirt as their lips meet in a searing kiss.  As she struggles to find the words, he guides her toward the nearest surface—a kitchen counter, perhaps—and pulls her into his lap.  His lips brush against her ear, his voice a low rumble. “Tell me what you want, Hope.  I’ll give you whatever you need.” 

His hands begin to roam, teasing and exploring as he awaits her response.
"want to be nurtured and treated like your baby and not a hole" she looks down already working on his belt she knew her words and actions were contradictory but she was just not sure what she really wanted

Derek’s hands still, his gaze searching hers as his own desire warms his blood.  He can hear the need in her voice, even as her hands move to free him from his clothes.  “Hope,” he whispers, his voice husky and raw with desire. 

“You’re not just a hole to me.  You’re my everything.”  He kisses her again, this time with a tenderness that speaks of more than just desire.  “Let me love you, Hope.  Let me show you.”

" of coz he'll say I'm not just a hole for him and still try to reduce me to..."she sighs gets off the counter and makes her way to the guest room still mumbling "I just lost my appetite"
Derek stands in stunned silence as Hope stalks away, his heart aching as he watches her retreating figure. 

“Hope, please,” he calls after her, the vulnerability in his voice revealing the depth of his emotion.“I’m trying, love.  I’m trying to understand.” He takes a hesitant step after her, his face contorted in a mask of confusion and pain.  “Please, Hope, let me be there for you.”

"YOU'RE NOT TRYING ANYTHING ALL YOU PEOPLE WANT IS MY BODY WHY JUST NOT TAKE IT THEN JUST KILL ME FIND A WAY TO PRESERVE IT TO WHAT YOU WILL AND TELL IT ALL SORTS OF LIES"

she yells angry at how Derek still tried to sleep with her after all that she told him that day under the pretext of showing her love, what rubbish

Derek flinches at her outburst, his heart shattering at the anguish in her voice.  “I would never hurt you, Hope,” he says, his voice breaking. 

“Never.  I love you, and I want to be with you, but not like this.”  He steps forward, reaching for her hands, but he pauses when she stiffens, remembering himself.  “I know I don’t understand what you’ve been through, but I want to.

" how the hell are you supposed to understand anything if all that rings in your mind is bang her 'let me love you' (she mocks ) what rubbish" she finally leaves having had enough and slams the door texting Drew to come pick her up

As Drew’s car roars up outside the house, Derek stumbles back, watching helplessly as the only woman he loves more than his life storm out of the house.  His heart feels hollow, and his mind races as he tries to understand how he could have failed her so completely. 

He collapses onto the couch, his hands pressing against his eyes as the tears come, silent and hopeless.  All he wanted was to comfort her, to show her she was loved, but he’d only made it worse.  How could he ever hope to win her back?