𝓢𝓟𝓐𝓡𝓚.ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ- [Oikawa Tooru x reader]

༊*·˚

it wasn't until my first year of high school when my world went quiet. the school year was coming to an end and my mom lost her battle with lung cancer. i remember the hospital calling my dad and everything moved in slow motion. i'll never forget his face. it was up until that point i had never seen my father cry. i still remember the sound of his sobs echoing throughout the house. for some reason, my body didn't let me cry. i felt the pain. i processed the information...so why wasn't i crying? am i a bad person for not being in tears? to this day, i still don't have the answer and i still have yet to cry.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

before my mom's death, i remember always craving her attention. she was my best friend. it was because of her happy attitude that made me the way i was in the past. in the past i never worried about death or sadness. i always smiled...and laughed. now i don't even remember how i look when i smile. i have no reason to. i'm afraid that if i feel any form of happiness, i'll forget my mother. there was already a few occasions where i walked into my parents' bedroom, calling for her. how could i forget she's not here anymore? how could i forget my mother is dead? i don't want to forget. i'll be a shameful daughter if i do. she's blood...and she's my mother.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

every day, i feel my world being surrounded by death. it's not that i want to die...but it's rather the fact that i know someday i will. someday my father will and someday my classmates will. that's another reason why i'm afraid to be happy. not only do i risk forgetting my beautiful mother, but the more people i let into my life, the more chances there are for them to leave. since my second year of high school has started, i've been spending most of my free time on the school rooftop. i can see the nature ahead of me from a distance that's away from people. at a distance where i can comfort myself in my own sorrow. i have grown to like it. i like being on my own, away from those who i could potentially lose.