A deal of love || Benedict Bridgerton

2. Chapter

Colette tapped her foot on the floor rapidly as her maid fixed her hair for the upcoming ball for this evening. This is the first time that Lady Colette will be attending a social event ever since she moved to Scotland. George and her liked the quiet of the land and only ever attended events if the rules of good manners required it.

Colette loved the reserved life, living on land without any interruptions. All by themselves and the servants with them. Colette rather liked the quiet. Ever since she was a little girl she has loved the fact that she can sit by the window of the drawing room and read her books. Her taste in books varied. Sometimes she was in the mood for a book of facts or even travels.

She had always wanted to see the world a little more and moving to Scotland had allowed her that because the fortnight-long travel to the Kilmartin castle provides great sights of the world. Now she will never see the sights ever again.

Let's hope that her new husband will be away often and she could stay in peace. But to speak truthfully, Colette also didn't mind the chaos. She only grew up with her brother and her mama and papa and quiet is all she had known. Yet sometimes she got a little lonely with the quiet.

Because where there was quiet, there was also a lot of space to think and Colette rather hated being stuck in her own mind. It would be like a horror inside her brain, especially for the last year.

Is the countess Abernathy to blame for the death of her husband and not giving him an heir before his departure? Since the young pair hadn't had an heir, the Kilmartin estate now belonged to her husband's cousin, who was barely ten and already a Lord.

Was it her fault that her husband died?

Was it her fault now that the young boy had to give up his childhood to handle affairs?

Was it her fault that she could not have a child?

Worst of all was the meeting with a special someone her brother had set up for her tomorrow at dinner. He wouldn't dare tell COlette more about the visit but something in her bones told her that it was not a spontaneous visit.

Dear Lord, could it be a husband?

"Oww," she hissed in pain. Her maid had pulled a little too hard on her hair with the brush, which brought her away from her thoughts.

Thankfully. If she had been stuck longer in the maze of her thoughts, who knew if she could have gone crazy.

"Pardon me, my lady," the maid apologised, brushing her hair with a lighter attitude.

Colette's lips curled into a small and soft smile but that disappeared when she saw herself in the mirror. Colette could not bring herself to be happy, it would be as if the death of her husband was not painful. It was the worst pain she had to ever feel and one she never wanted to feel again.

A practical match would help her with the pain, if he were to die she would not feel guilty and if she never gave him a child then she wouldn't feel guilty about it either.

She wouldn't betray him because she would not be promising him a baby or heir. Just hope that it will happen. If it never did, the only person she would be betraying is herself. She wanted a baby.

She wanted to be a mother but not with anyone else than George.

She took in a breath and let out all the air shakily. Her heart was still hurting thinking of her husband as if he had died yesterday. The pain never faded or had gotten less bearable. It was just there.

She tapped her foot. "Annabell, could I ask you something?"

Annabell chuckled. "I am not sure I can be of much help but yes, of course."