Wrong Reflection

The Outside Perspective

America had been having a rough couple of weeks. First, his insomnia kicked in and made it impossible to sleep. Then, it was the multitude of useless meetings they had to attend where they pretended they had political power.

Then, it was the alternate dimension.

It was...it was so much. America was freaking out. He no longer felt his connection to his states, and that lack of connection was like a flame fading to embers, so brutally cold. He missed it. He didn't realize how strong it was until it was gone. He missed Hawaiʻi's Fire, Virginia's Level-Head, Massachusetts' Protective Nature, California's Caring Heart, and Florida's Wonder at the World. He missed it. He missed it so much it hurt.

America was grateful for James. While the panic of everyone in the system seemed to have been feeding into each other and making everything worse, James managed to keep a cool head and help everyone remain calm as they...adjusted.

But it was hard to adjust when everything was so different. From everyone being so liberal with human names, giving them up like there was a good reason to trust each other. Like it would never be used against them.

Alfred telling them his human name made sense, even if Alfred hadn't introduced himself to America before they had realized who the other was. They both had the same nation name, so of course, they needed a way to differentiate between each other.

Still, with how America needed to remain in human form while in this world due to the strange secrecy of this universe's personifications, Rebecca had helped him pick a temporary human name, Sam, based on the nickname his Ireland had for him.

It was not based on Uncle Sam, no matter what Caleb said about it. And it was a name America was resolute on using. While he had learned Alfred's name, America wasn't ready to reveal his human name to Alfred.

He was still nervous and tense about being here, and the emptiness left behind by his states' absence was eating away at him. America felt cold and hollow without them, without the fifty-seven bright lights that normally danced in his soul.

He didn't realize how powerful that connection was until he lost it.

"None of us did," Rebecca murmured. America hummed in agreement, leaning back against the wall. He had taken refuge in a small hallway in the upper parts of the house after the tense and...strange introductions with the counterparts of the British Isles.

Like the fact that America had been told the names outright. America only knew his Ireland's first name, and that was the one from his world he was the closest to. It was all so weird.

"It might be a ploy to lower your guard and gain your trust. We don't know what this England is capable of, and the fact that Alfred is close to him doesn't mean that England isn't an abuser." James said.

"But Alfred doesn't have DID, so maybe that means this England is better?" Caleb suggested.

"It might have something to do with their lack of a personification for the United Kingdom as a whole." America chimed in.

"What might have something to do with the lack of a personification for the United Kingdom?" America heard someone ask. He turned to see the smallest nation—

"Northern Ireland. Seamus Kirkland."

—Northern Ireland standing there.

"Nothing. Just talking with some of the others." America said, standing up, "Nice to meet you. I'm America, but you can call me Sam if my real name is too uncomfortable for you."

Northern Ireland's face flashed through a few emotions before he smiled, although it was one tinged with an uncomfortable uncertainty. This Northern Ireland did not have as good of a poker face as America's did. Interesting.

"Could be something said there about the relationship with Ciarán and Arthur," James commented lightly, his use of the other Ireland and England's human names causing America to squeeze his left hand in discomfort.

"Or a lack of human focus makes developing an uncrackable poker face less of a priority." Molossia pointed out.

"I'm Seamus, Northern Ireland." Northern Ireland said. America smiled slightly, hoping to put the nation at ease.

"Tá áthas orm buaileadh leat, Tuaisceart Éireann," America said, "Although I already knew your name. James told me."

"You speak Gaeilge?" Northern Ireland asked, the uncertainty fading to confusion. America huffed out a small laugh.

"Yeah, I have no official language."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Northern Ireland asked.

"If you don't have an official language, at least in our world, then you can speak whatever languages are spoken in your country," America explained. Northern Ireland's face changed to one of shock.

"Really? I don't think that applies here!" He said, some degree of excitement in his voice.

"That sucks. It is really helpful to have." America said with a small laugh before an uncomfortable silence fell across the room.

"So...how...how has adjusting to this world been?" Northern Ireland asked after a few moments.

"Fine," America said, hoping that Northern Ireland would accept the answer and not ask for any information on America's feelings about everything.

"Did England put him up to this? Is he prying for information to report back to England?" Rebecca questioned. James sighed.

"I don't think so. There are more loyal people to send. I don't know about this Northern Ireland, but ours isn't exactly besties with either Ireland or Britain. They keep to themselves. It doesn't seem likely." He pointed out.

"I...I don't know if it helps any, but I think I might kinda be able to understand how you feel," Northern Ireland said. America tilted his head to the side.

"Really? How so?" America asked, curious at what the autonomous zone would say.

"I...I'm a new country, and being born right after World War One, and being born when I was, and trying to find my place with my brothers during all that was going on...it was hard, and I often felt out of place and lost. I won't speak for...for any of you, but I think there are some similarities there, and that I think I can understand a little if that provides any sense of comfort." Northern Ireland said. America laughed.

"You aren't wrong there. I definitely am very out of place and lost. But that's not exactly new for me, and it doesn't bother me that much—"

"Liar."

"—But thank you. For trying to reach out." America said, "I'm going to go see what the others are up to right now. Thank you for...I guess being the first one to acknowledge me and not just the situation."

"You're welcome," Northern Ireland said, "My brothers are in the living room, and I think Alfred left to go grab some snacks from the store."

"Thanks," America said before walking to the stairs. He had just begun walking down them when he swayed slightly, pausing to catch himself against the wall before shaking his head. That was weird.

"Are you okay?" Northern Ireland asked. America nodded.

"Just tired, I think. Stress and insomnia don't mix well." America said.

"That's not sleep deprivation, Finn," James said, "That's something else."

"It's the states. America needs them. Without them...he...well...I think it's that," Eastport said as she joined the others at the front. America bit his lip, wanting to argue but not wanting to reveal his weakness to this Northern Ireland.

Besides, deep down, he knew Eastport was right.

The United States of America wasn't himself without his states. He was a federal republic. He needed them.

And it looked like the consequences of being away from them were starting to show.