𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆, tim bradford

𝟬𝟬𝟮. smartass

╭── ✿ ❀ ღღ ✿ ❀ ──╮
002. smartass
╰── ❀ ✿ ღღ ❀ ✿ ──╯

after being told that she should 'try her best not to speak' by an annoyed tim, penelope had begun her first proper shift "so" tim began, looking towards her for a split second as he drove the shop out of the building "why do you want to be a cop?"

penelope sighed reluctantly, not fully sure of her reasoning herself and sure that she would be judged by the man "i thought i wasn't supposed to speak"

"you want me to train you, i need to know why you're in this car" he reasoned.

"i-i want to do something good in my life for someone else" she admitted, thinking it sounded stereotypical and close enough to the blueprint answer "i've done everything i ever wanted to do for myself so-" the car suddenly slammed to a stop, tim turning to her quickly.

"i've been shot!" he yelled.

"no you haven't" penny replied, her face confused. she wasn't sure what game bradford was playing or what exactly he was testing but she knew it was probably stupid and unnecessary.

"where are you, doc?!" he yelled again, looking at her expectingly.

"you're not- ohhhh, this is a test" she realised, her shoulders dropping.

office bradford sighed, annoyed at the refusal penny had to take part in his test. he was expecting a more frazzled reaction "yes, it is" he admitted, the situation much toned down now that penny was aware of the test "now the question is, where are we?"

"right, weddington street near bakman avenue"

"hmm" he studied her blank face "you still took too long" he decided, shrugging when she looked at him in shock "now i'm dead. it's your fault. get out"

"excuse me?"

"get out and walk. you can get back in when you come to realisation that you've killed me"

penelope huffed to herself, opening the door and getting out of the car. she began walking alongside it as tim drove slowly to match her pace. "at least if you were dead i would be able to sit in the car"

"what was that?" he spoke out the window while trying to conceal a smile, having heard her the first time.

"nothing, i just think that if you were actually shot it would've taken me 2.7 seconds to begin first aid. considering the speed of the car, your surface area exposed through the window, the fact that you would've had the ability to yell, and the vantage points available, chances are you were shot in the shoulder. wouldn't have gone all the way through but that's not my issue, it's the surgeons. with an average RA response time of 7 minutes and my extensive first aid training, you'd be fine"

"fine?" tim repeated, taken aback at her response.

"yes, fine" she mocked "as in not dead"

"well now you're out there for being a smartass"

𐦍 ❀༄𖥸𓍊𓋼𓍊𖤓𓇢𓆸𖤓𓍊𓋼𓍊𖥸༄ ❀ 𐦍

"you done being a smartass yet, officer valentine?"

"nope, i enjoy a lovely mid-morning walk for your information. actually walking is one of the best forms of excercise to improve cardiovascular health and fitness. did you know the heart has twice the power of the leg muscles of someone sprinting and works twice as hard? it-it can also continue beat for up to six minutes after its removed from the body? it-" penelope got interrupted by the sound of a truck honking its horn at their slow moving vehicle.

tim stopped the car, getting out and walking behind to take a look inside the truck. he gestured for penelope to stand near the passenger side. "gentlemen, i have an honest question for you" he asked the driver, making penny frown slightly at the tone "were you grown in a petri dish of stupid?"

"por favor no habla inglés" the driver spoke.

"don't pull that crap with me"

penelope interjected, not liking tim's tone with the man "licencia y registro, por favor"

"well, aren't you fancy? you got a degree in that too?" officer bradford interrogated "tell him that it's immigrants like them that make americans like you look bad. if it was up to me, we'd send them all back by catapult"

"i'm not saying that!" she protested, horrified at the actions of her T.O "i will try and tell them what they did wrong though. for some reason i decided to learn seven languages except the second most spoken in america" she grumbled to herself before leaning down to the window and smiling at the driver "uh... yo hablo un poco de español, lo siento" she tried to make do with her limited spanish knowledge "tu no..." she made a honking gesture with her hand, getting a nod in return from the driver. "...a la policia, por favor"

"si" the driver nodded, clearly put off by tims attitude "si, lo siento"

"no hay problema, sénior. gracias"

"de nada"

"doctor, a word?" he ordered once the truck had driven off "do I strike you as a man who means what he says?" he asked once penelope had moved so that they were both stood behind the police car.

she had a sneaking suspicion she knew what was coming "yes, sir"

"do I seem laid-back to you? wishy-washy in any way?"

"no, sir"

"in that case, why would you change the words that come out of my mouth? everything is a test, valentine and you just got another 'f'" he spoke quickly, almost as if he'd rehearsed it [which penny wouldn't put past him] "i know what you're thinking. was that the only test you've failed today? unfortunately for you, there's no way to know" tim turned around under the assumption that she would be essentially sitting back and taking it.

"actually, i was wondering if you were grown in a petri dish of stupid" she replied, stopping tim in his journey back to the drivers side door.

"excuse me?" he looked over his shoulder.

"what if they spoke english and heard you saying that to them? i don't care if it was a test or not, it was a disgusting thing to say"

"boot, listen to me" he strode back up to her "as far as anyone else is aware nothing happened, understood?"

"no" she shook her head angrily, spinning around and marching herself towards the passenger side of the shop.

who did this boot think she was? tim thought to himself. not once had a boot told him no or even thought of saying anything but 'yes, sir' in response. so much so that he began thinking that maybe he was mellowing with age. "excuse me?"

"it's not understood" she opened the door, got into the car and, slammed the door behind her.

————— authors note 💭

hey lovessss!!! i was actually speechless when i watched this for the first time. i was sorta liking tim and then i was like 🫢🫢🫢

luckily he got better but i so wanted lucy to be like "wtf man" so i made penelope say it 😭

hope you liked the chapterrrrr!!! comments make me want to write sm more so pleaseeeee comment and vote!!!! tysmmmmm for readinggggg

byeeeeee