After the Tide

Chapter 3 - AT 2775 - Pania

"Don't look at me that way," I whisper, hand braced against the mast. The smell of fish fills my head. And warm winds are beginning to blow off the ocean.
"Tell me it's not his," Kiri says, staring at me. I can feel her eyes even though I haven't looked up.  I smooth a hand down my toga. It's a warm enough day for the soft cloth which is hanging uncomfortably around my middle. Four months of winter nights hid my condition. But I can't lie any longer to my best friend.
"Of course it fucking is," I say, shaking my head. I'm ready to vomit again. I told no one of the pregnancy this is the first I've spoken of it. No one dares ask. But I'm walking around with an obviously thick belly and throwing up everytime they gut fish. What's happened is obvious.
Kiri shakes her head, tears in her eyes as she looks at me, ""I never should have let you—I knew—I said—,,"
"It was my choice. He asked for one more day. In return we get to fish our waters, for years, and he released our ship. Ten hostages. It was worth it," and I want to still love him. I put a hand around my thick belly. A secret I could quietly deny was far better than this.
"This isn't worth it—you can't do this," she says, "It's—,"
"Half blood," i say. Few are mad enough to join their bodies and souls to a sea monster. Of course one of those mad mad few is the father of my child.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Kiri asks.
"Because it's over. He got what he wanted," I say, bitterly. And he left me having his baby. Such as it will be. "And I got what I wanted. I'll give birth. If it lives then I tell everyone it's an orphan I took in. And it can never know."
"That it's father is the dreaded General? Who plagues us with his sea monsters?" Kiri asks. She wouldn't be my best friend if she weren't accurate.
"Correct,," I breath, leaning against the mast as I stare out at the waves. If I hold it like this with my hand over my gut the baby will move.  Now and then. Not enough I fear but we've a ways to go yet. This one won't come till fall. That's why pretend is over, I cannot hide the pregnancy all summer. A slowly bulging belly under parkas was one thing. Summer clothes is quite another. And my child is growing nicely totally unaware of it's sire's various crimes against humanity. And the ones its conception prevented.
"You want to keep it?" Kiri asks, "You don't—we could find someone to take it in."
"No," I want my baby. Worse I want his baby. A small part of me. Even if for the child's sake he ceases to exist, "Swear to me you'll tell no one. Ever. Who it's father is. For now while I'm —like this—a spearman who drown. And then later if he is disfigured—an orphan."
"I swear it," she says, frowning, "You think it's a boy?"
"What?"
"You said he. You think it's a boy."
"Just came out," I lie. I can't tell her that since the night I conceived I've had dreams of a boy. Half human with black scales and gills along his chest. Black hair and eyes but his father's sweet easy smile. Still lying in his father's arms I woke from the vision. Time soon proved me right on that count.
"The General won't find us here," I say, partly to myself, "I told him this was our last goodbye." I just didn't know I'd get a lasting reminder. But in a way I did. As he held me the last time the thought came into my head that I could finally fall pregnant. We've been idiots long enough for it to finally happen. What none of them know is how much I loved him. Maybe a part of me still loves some part of him. The part of him that held me gently and gave me this child.
"We won't let him—ever—touch you again," she says, "Everyone will help you raise it—they know you did it for them."
"Yes," I say, softly. I would rather have fought him if it were for me. But it wasn't me it was their lives I couldn't ask them all to give their lives like that. So I gave him myself and this is what I have to show for it. White lines on my belly as my skin stretches to bear his half-monster spawn. What's worse is he'd love this thing if he knew.
The General always wanted a son.