After the Tide

Chapter 5 - AT 2257 - The General

"You know I'm only here because of them. Not because of you," Pania says, dark hair spilling down her shoulders. The way she dips her head to look at me through the tops of her eyes. Like she doesn't dare to. Standing on the deck of my ship. We're the only ones here.
"I wouldn't want you if you wanted me with what I am. That wouldn't be you," I say, cupping a hand on her cheek. I carefully stroke one cheekbone with a thumb, the only finger on that hand mostly untouched by the scaling.
"You let them go. I said I'd come and I'm here. Let the ships go. Leave our waters out of—whatever you've become," she says.
"Done. Stay with me. You know how much you want to," I say.
"I am staying with you. It's part of the deal," she says, carefully taking off her belt. No weapons. We already agreed. And she believes in honor.
"Love me like I love you. For the next few days none of this has happened," I say, putting my other hand on her smooth face.  It's odd now touching human skin, smooth and unblemished save scars.
"That's what you want? To act like everything is okay and I'll stay with you? Why would you want that? You know I'm going to leave and never speak to you again," Pania says, softly. Brown and soft hair.
"Of course not. I'm still the monster. I'll always be the monster. But you, you are beautiful. And don't you want to know what it would be like to be mine? And just pretend. It's worth it. You know how good it can be," I say, slowly putting my arms around her. She leans into them and for a moment the last ten years might as well not have happened.
"Just enjoy it for once. You're always good," I say.
She sighs, tears spilling from her dark yes.
"I love you, I have always loved only you," I say.
"I loved you so much," she says.
"Give me two days. I'll be all that you want we'll pretend none of it happened. And you'll be happy."
"That's not enough for forever," she says.
"It can be. If you wish give me a kiss and we're through. Go home. I'll keep up my end. I wouldn't want you like that, I want you wanting me," I say, nestling my face against her smooth one.
She kisses me, on the lips, heedless of the fresh scarring. And she keeps kissing me, her hands sliding around my back. I pick her up fully into my arms. I'm strong enough these days to bear her to the steps up to the main deck.
"You'll stay?" I mumble, past the kiss.
"I miss who you were," she says, hand on my face, "I wish you loved me enough for that."
"I'm loving you as much as I can."
She slowly strips my shirt, clearly recoiling.
"What are you doing to yourself?" She whispers, running a hand down my gills to where a thick swath of scales now lays over my belly.
"Don't look if you want," I tip her head up, "Look at me. You know me. You know I love you."
She obeys, ignoring all my scars. The changes in me since I last held her like this. It's been years. I'm far stronger now and she can feel it. I hold her gently anyway as I always did.
Wrapped in blankets we lie on the main deck, her in my arms. I know she's trying to touch only the human skin, and failing. Then she gives up and leans against me, head nestled in my chest.
"Is there anyone else?" She asks.
"No children. None of the others who've turned either, the halfbloods never live. We missed our chance it seems," I say, a bit bitterly. She's of course childless, I've seen her it's unnecessary to ask. She knows I always wanted them.
"I'm sorry."
"No you're not," i say, kissing the top of her head, "you'd hate the halfbloods if you hate me they're worse."
"No, for you," she says.
"You didn't ever want them," I say. Certain plants she could eat, poison. I was angry she was poisoning herself. She said it was better than a child she didn't want. Even then we knew there was a chance it would get the serpent blood from me. Now it's no question I'm mostly turned. Any halfblood born quickly dies I have no hope. My wife buried three children I won't father another not by her anyway.
"I'm being nice," she says, shifting in my arms to look at me.
"Just kiss me. I miss you," I say, tipping my head against hers.
"Word is you keep wives."
"I do. As I said no children. Like we always said. Just dying together out in the ocean nothing remaining of us," I say, twisting a hand in hers.
"You never believed that."
"Why are you here then?" I ask, "If you still think so badly of me?"
"Because I used to love you," she says, arms around my neck, "I really loved you."
"My love is present."
"I know."