The tale of the lost poet

CHAPTER 13

CHAPTER 13: BEHIND THE VEIL OF SILENCE

The days felt longer, and the nights even more so. The decision to distance myself from Emrys was not an easy one, but it was necessary. I sat at my desk, staring at the pile of unfinished manuscripts and unanswered emails. My mind kept drifting back to him, to our sessions, and the way his eyes lit up with every new discovery in poetry.

I needed to focus, to clear my thoughts. But the guilt of my silence weighed heavily on me. Each time my phone buzzed with a message from Emrys, my heart ached a little more. I wanted to reply, to explain, but words failed me.

The truth was, I had been dealing with a personal crisis—something I hadn't been ready to share with anyone, not even Emrys. My publisher had rejected my latest manuscript, and the blow to my confidence was profound. Writing had always been my sanctuary, but now it felt like a battleground.

I picked up a pen and stared at the blank page before me. Writing had always been my way of making sense of the chaos within, but now it felt like a distant memory. Emrys's messages were a reminder of the joy and passion I once had for poetry. Yet, responding to him felt like admitting weakness, and I wasn't ready for that.

One evening, as I sat by the window, watching the city lights flicker, I received another message from Emrys. This time, it was different. It was a letter, delivered to my doorstep, sealed in an envelope with his careful handwriting. My heart raced as I opened it, unfolding the paper with trembling hands.

"Dear Aurora,

I hope this letter finds you well. I miss our sessions and our conversations. Your silence has left a void that I can't quite fill. I understand if you need space or time, but know that I'm here for you, just as you've been for me.

Your guidance has meant more to me than you can imagine, and I hope we can continue this journey together. But if not, I hope you find whatever it is you're seeking.

Take care, Aurora.

Emrys"

Tears welled up in my eyes as I read his words. The sincerity and warmth in his letter touched me deeply. He had become more than just a student; he was a friend, a confidant, someone who genuinely cared. But how could I burden him with my struggles?

"You're too kind for me... I don't deserve you.." I muttered. 

I folded the letter and placed it on my desk, beside the unfinished manuscript. Emrys's words lingered in my mind, urging me to confront my fears and insecurities. I needed to find the strength to reach out, to let him know that his presence mattered, even in my silence.

The following days were a blur of attempts to write, to create, to regain the part of me that had been lost in the rejection. Each time I sat down to work, Emrys's letter seemed to whisper encouragement, pushing me to find my voice again.

Instead of messaging him, I channeled my energy into my writing. I revisited old poems, reworked drafts, and poured my frustrations into new pieces. Slowly, the words began to flow once more, tentative at first, then with growing confidence. Emrys's belief in me was a silent companion, a beacon of hope that guided me through the darkness.

One rainy afternoon, as I sat by the window with my laptop, I found myself writing about our sessions, about the way Emrys's face lit up with each poetic discovery. I wrote about the guilt I felt for my silence, the fear of dragging him into my turmoil, and the hope that one day, I could explain everything to him.

The rain tapped gently against the window, a soothing rhythm that mirrored the renewed steadiness in my heart. I knew I wasn't ready to reach out to Emrys just yet, but I also knew that this distance wouldn't last forever. There was a path back to him, back to our sessions and the connection we shared. I just needed time to find it.

As the evening sun broke through the clouds, casting a warm glow over the city, I closed my laptop and looked at Emrys's letter once more. The ache in my chest was still there, but it was no longer overwhelming. I was healing, slowly but surely, and Emrys's presence, though distant, was a constant reminder of the strength I had within me.

*****

The days turned into weeks, and I continued to immerse myself in my writing, finding solace in the familiar rhythms of poetry. Emrys's letter remained on my desk, a silent testament to his unwavering support and understanding. Despite my initial reluctance to respond, his words continued to echo in my mind, urging me to confront the silence between us.

One evening, as I sat at my desk surrounded by the soft glow of candlelight, I found myself drawn to Emrys's letter once more. I picked it up, tracing the lines of his handwriting with my fingertips, feeling the weight of his sincerity in every word.

"You're too kind for me... I don't deserve you.." I whispered to myself, a pang of guilt tugging at my heart.

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath to steady myself. Emrys deserved to know the truth, to understand the reasons behind my silence. Gathering my thoughts, I picked up a pen and a blank sheet of paper, determined to finally break the barrier of distance that had grown between us.

"Emrys,

I hope this letter finds you well. Your words have been a source of strength and comfort during a challenging time for me. I want you to know that your support means more to me than I can express.

The truth is, I've been struggling with my writing. My latest manuscript was rejected, and it shook me more deeply than I anticipated. Writing has always been my refuge, but lately, it has felt like a battlefield. I needed time to sort through my thoughts, to find my voice again.

Your letter reminded me of the passion and joy that poetry brings into my life. You've been a guiding light in this darkness, and I'm grateful for your patience and understanding.

I'm not ready to fully engage again just yet, but I wanted you to know that I cherish our sessions and our friendship. Thank you for being there, even in my silence.

Take care, Emrys.

Aurora"

I folded the letter carefully, sealing it in an envelope before placing it beside Emrys's letter on my desk. A weight lifted from my shoulders as I imagined him reading my words, understanding the turmoil I had been grappling with.

The following days brought a sense of calm and renewed purpose. I continued to write, channeling my emotions into poetry that spoke of resilience and hope. Emrys's presence, though physically distant, felt closer than ever in spirit. His unwavering belief in me gave me the strength to face my fears and uncertainties head-on.

One morning, as I sipped my coffee and watched the sunrise paint the sky in shades of gold and pink, my phone buzzed with a familiar notification. It was a message from Emrys.

"Thank you, Aurora. Your letter meant a lot to me. Take all the time you need. I'm here whenever you're ready."

Tears welled up in my eyes as I read his words, a mixture of gratitude and relief washing over me. Emrys's patience and understanding were a gift I didn't deserve, but one I vowed to cherish.