X Y Z

Seven

Friends with benefits was a scam, Giselle always knew but Yousuf could only give her that. And why not? She was young and experimenting something new wasn't bad, she thought. From the very first night they spent together, Giselle knew that Yousuf could give his body to her in any way she liked but that was all he could give. There was not a single thought that didn't involve getting wasted or getting in bed with her.

And she must admit, Yousuf knew how to play his moves. Smooth like the coco shea butter lotion that she used. He worked from home on most days and all they used to do was lay around in each other's arms quietly as he worked and when he was done, they needn't be quiet or still. Giselle never drank but was intoxicated nonetheless. He smelled like alcohol, he even used beer as a shampoo and he reeked of alcohol, bad decisions, regretting in the morning and hangovers.

She didn't know much about Yousuf as they never talked, their bodies however had long conversations. No brainers. Everyday with him was the same and while she loved mundane stuff and routines, it was like she was rotting in their bed and all that nakedness, even with his warmth, left her cold and confused. She wasn't this kind of girl, she decided. Sure, it wasn't a bad thing, having fun. But she wasn't having fun anymore. It made her feel like she was selling herself on a discount. She felt less and less respect for herself as she stayed with him. So, she left. Sure, she cared but not enough to make do with what he offered.

So, as Yousuf rambled, nearly crying but she knew Yousuf, he was open with his emotions. He always told her that what was life if he wasn't expressing herself and as a model, as an artist who was all about expressing herself, she understood him. But somehow, something told her that she wouldn't be satisfied with him even if he satisfied her every night.

"I'm sorry, Yousuf, I really am," She apologized because she had to. She didn't want him hoping that she'd change her decision. "But I know what I want and I know for sure, it isn't what we had-"

"I'll give you everything, baby, trust me. I can give you everything. I'll put a ring on it, I'll stay with you. I wouldn't even drink again, I promise- please, baby," He sniffed and she felt cruel turning him down because she knew that he may do that for her.

She shook her head with a pained smile, "I'm sorry, Yousuf."

Yousuf nodded and sober enough, he called himself a taxi and hugged her one last time before leaving, too embarrassed to say anything else. She felt sorry for him but she knew that he just wanted company, that lonely guy who used body to stay warm, use sex to hold someone close wasn't what she wanted to settle down with, no matter how sorry she felt for him.

Zach, the last person there, stood there awkwardly scratching his nape. "I'm sorry, Giselle, I shouldn't have insulted you like that-"

She smiled at him, "That's alright. You were right. It stung at that time but you were right. I shouldn't have been searching for what I want in a place like that. That app wasn't made for forevers, I knew but I wanted to prove something I guess. You were right, though. You were like me, you knew what you wanted too and it wasn't what I wanted as well. I was just being stupid."

"No, you were not. Maybe I really don't know what I want, maybe I want to settle down too. I deleted that app, babes. Can we give it a try? You never gave it a try, so you wouldn't know if or not we work and-"

She placed a hand on his shoulder. "I know what you want, Zach. It's a closure. You feel guilty for being mean and you wanted to talk to me about it. We don't have a spark, we can be friends at max, but that won't be any helpful as it would be awkward and might hold us back. I want you to move on, Zach."

He pouted at her like a child, trying his best to use his puppy dog eyes that usually work on others but she reached out to ruffle his hair, being a foot shorter than him. "Find someone who sees past your pretty face, Zach-"

"You do, though," He grumbled.

She sighed, "You're not made to settle down yet. Go out and explore, find what suits you."

"You're just dismissing me," He looked away. "But maybe, you're right. Maybe you're wrong. But I want you to know that I didn't mean all the mean things I said to you. I was being an asshole."

She chuckled. "Do you want me to call you a taxi?"

"I have a car," He pointed at the parking place. "Thanks for coming tonight."

She shrugged with a smile, putting her hands in her shorts' pockets. He waved at her as he went around to the parking place. She got in her car, her chest feeling a lot lighter than when she came. She quickly deleted all the numbers before starting the car. She would go home today, maybe it is not a person to her yet but there's a cozy place waiting for her and she'd take that over finding home in nomadic hearts again.