I RELAPSED AGAIN

Teenage obsession

<3

I fell for someone.

I dint think it would be possible after what've been through. I dint even think i had it in me to love someone.

But I'm scared

I'm scared she might get tired of me, i'm scared she might think I'm too boring and plane, I'm scared she might think i'm too insecure or too corny.

I dont think she has fallen for me, i hope not. She's so different and authentic. She makes everything seem so beautiful and easy.. she's perfect. I always play every word she says in my head just so the sound of her voice is all i hear instead of all the unpleasant suicidal voices in my head.

Her voice is so soothing. She sounds so angelic and..i dont even know the right word.

Let me tell you more about her, this entry is all going to be about her, only her.

Her name is Naomi, she's so beautiful, no. She's so radiant, enchanting and the most gorgeous girl I've ever encountered in my days on earth. I'm probably being dramatic.

We are in the same class. I cant stop taking glances at her every second, my grades actually kinda slipped a little because of not paying any attention to the lessons.

She was dating a guy called Michael, the jerk was just so overdue, what did she see in him?

Does she love bad boys?

I remember my first day in that hell hole called highschool, all he wanted was to make my life a living hell. Good thing i got brains, i was able to get him off my back but then the worst broke me when i found out he was dating the girl of my dreams.

I've had a crush on her since kindergarten, we were actually kinda friends. Well i like to tell myself so. She spoke to me two times back in kindergarten and three times in pre school.

But then i got bullied, well it was more like cyber bullying so i had to be taken to..

"A special place, you need help baby"

Those were my mother's words. She probably was excited that i was leaving her ass but either way i did get help, i think.

I was not able to attend highschool with her for the first two years but the third year i begged my mother to take me to her school, of course i already knew she was attending it, thats why i went.

I was doing online school for a year, more like homeschooled then i went to school when i was in ninth grade but i had enough with the school i was in, Naomi was not there.

I had friends though, mostly because i was smart. The school was full of nerds and wanna be Albert Einsteins which by now when i think about it, that was a great environment for me.

Yes it was expensive. My dad's family was paying for it, just so their reputation was not thrown to ground when people got to know that their granddaughter was not well educated. My dad is poor, his an alcoholic and disabled-brain idiot as his mother liked to call him, and my mom? well she's doing fine, married, got two kids and a fucked up mental health with anger issues and debts she cant pay off, not to also add an uneducated ass.

Me on the other hand i dont want to be like them, i just see them as gates that brought me to this world, which I'm grateful for obviously.

Anyways back to Naomi. My first day was totally horrible, I had a bad enxiety day. Meaning i was throwing up and had no appetite the whole day. I dint even see Naomi, to also add, i knew no one, i had no friends.

It felt abnormal. In my old school people were all over me, it felt pleasantly amazing. But now, i had not one, just people staring at me and gossiping to themselves. Then Michael saw me as a target, he started saying mean staff towards me, bumping in to me every second and throwing things at me.