ever seen ༄ heejake

008

The moment Heeseung kisses Jake, he knows he's fucked. The taste of raspberry lip balm hooks him in like a drug and he can't find it in himself to stop until the need for oxygen wins out.

He ends up kissing Jake again. And again, and again, and again. Even once they're out of the water, changed back into dry clothes with damp hair and skin smelling of chlorine, Heeseung presses Jake into the lockers and connects their mouths, entirely addicted.

"It's getting late," Jake says after a while, the words whispered against Heeseung's lips. "We should probably get dinner."

As much as Heeseung wants to stay and continue to kiss Jake breathless, he's suddenly aware of how hungry he is, so he pulls back and runs a hand through his hair to fix it. "Yeah, probably."

༄

It doesn't really hit Heeseung what he's done until he's sitting across Jake in a quaint ramyeon shop a couple blocks away from the pool. The sun has set, and the fluorescent lights of the shop wash out both of their skin tones, but Jake still looks beautiful. His lips are slightly swollen red, and Heeseung can't tell if it's from what happened earlier or the spiciness of the ramyeon.

He kissed Jake. He kissed a man. And he liked it, enough to kiss him again and again and again. The scariest part is, he liked it more than any kiss he's ever shared with a girl, and now he's questioning everything he's ever known.

"You okay?"

Jake's voice snaps Heeseung out of his thoughts, and he shakes his head slightly to bring himself back to reality. Both of their ramyeon bowls are cleared. Heeseung has no idea when that happened, not very focused on eating. "Yeah, sorry. I'm just... thinking."

Jake chews on his lower lip. When his teeth release it, it's even more plump, and Heeseung has to use every fiber of his self restraint to stop himself from diving over the table and kissing him silly.

"Jay told me," Jake starts, leaning back into his side of the booth. "That you're straight, I mean."

"I'm not." The words tumble out of Heeseung's lips with zero hesitation, an easy truth that slips past his brain-to-mouth filter. "I thought I was, at least."

"Well, no straight man kisses a guy the way you kissed me back at the pool, so," Jake jokes, and Heeseung tries to glare but just ends up laughing. The previously tense atmosphere breaks.

"I'm sorry for that, by the way," Heeseung says, mindlessly playing with his chopsticks. When Jake just furrows his eyebrows in confusion, Heeseung continues. "For just—kissing you like that. Without asking. Or warning you."

Jake quickly shakes his head, damp strands of hair falling into his face as a result. He looks cute, like a puppy after a bath. "It's okay. If it wasn't okay, I would've pushed you away."

"Still," Heeseung mumbles, then he sighs. "I want to make up for it somehow."

"Kiss me once we leave," Jake suggests, and Heeseung flushes.

"Okay," he agrees.

༄

Jake walks Heeseung back to his apartment since it's closer. They hold hands almost the whole way back, and right before they part ways, Heeseung kisses Jake, with permission this time. It's just as earth-shattering as their kiss in the pool, and he has to force himself to break away from it once the time comes.

As soon as he's back in his apartment, he's frantically texting Jay, despite knowing it's a bad idea to text him of all people.

jongseong

heeseung
jay
i kissed jaeyun

jongseong
what
am i hallucinating
you kissed jake?

heeseung
i kissed him
multiple times
and i liked it
a lot
too much, maybe

jongseong
christ
i don't think i'm equipped to handle this, hyung
i don't know how to help you

heeseung
i don't really want advice
i guess i just wanted to get it off my chest
but like
jay
i've never felt like that when kissing a girl
and now i'm confused because do i even like women?
they're pretty but they're not jaeyun-pretty

jongseong
it's surreal to see you talking about jake like this
do you have feelings for him?
or is it just aesthetic attraction?

heeseung
i don't know
god
i'm so confused

jongseong
here's a better question
do you want to be his boyfriend?
go on dates, hold his hand, do all that romance stuff

heeseung
"all that romance stuff"

jongseong
ugh you know what i mean

heeseung
i don't know him well enough to want a label yet
but in the future... i could see it
i do want to go on dates though
and do all that "romance stuff" you speak of

jongseong
then you probably have a crush on him, hyung
congrats
i'm sure sunoo will be happy to hear the friend group has no straight members anymore

heeseung
oh fuck
i forgot to tell sunoo about any of this
he doesn't even know i talk to jaeyun

jongseong
that's actually insane
he's going to freak the fuck out
i wish i could see the look on his face when he finds out

heeseung
i'll tell him tomorrow
sunoo and i get brunch on saturdays

jongseong
you're so gay oh my god
cishet men don't do brunch, my guy
that should've been warning sign no.1

heeseung
oh fuck off jay

jongseong
love you too man
in all seriousness though
i wish you luck with jake
i've given you shit about it but
i do want you to be happy, hyung

heeseung
thank you, jongseong-ah

jongseong
jake actually just got back to the dorm
he's literally glowing
and now he's bugging me because he wants to talk
so
i wouldn't worry about his feelings
just your own
bye, heeseung hyung

Heeseung closes their messages without responding, playing with his phone case as he thinks. Could he really develop feelings for Jake? Does he already have them?

It's difficult, because he doesn't recognize what he's feeling. He's never felt quite like this, his attraction to Jake something entirely new and unique. It's exhilarating and it's terrifying and he wants to keep chasing that rush, to see where it takes him.

Sighing heavily, he leans into his pillows, resigning himself to a night spent overthinking.

✎

a/n

what do you guys think so far? any suggestions? comments? questions? i'd be happy to hear your thoughts and respond to what you have to say 💛