Pahimakas

6:14

01. 

tw // Su*cide Attempt

I still remember everything so clearly.

There she was, sitting quietly on her chair. She had her earphones in and was just staring outside, watching the pouring rain. Moments like this made me curious about what was going on in her mind. What was she thinking about?

Syd was a great student. Syd had this warm and light aura around her which made everyone feel comfortable being with her. She was always calm and collected. 

"Good morning, everyone. I'm Syd Bliss Avila. I just turned 18 last week and I hope to get along with all of you!" 

The first time I've heard her voice was last year, our 1st year of college. She was soft-spoken and had a unique way of delivering words. She was treated as a safe zone for our blockmates because everyone knew if they wanted to tell someone a secret, Syd would be the one to keep it forever.

But one thing I noticed about her is she's always the one listening but no one was listening to her.

One of our blockmates told me Syd seemed to have the perfect life. She was always smiling and never ranted about anything.

She was so kind. So kind.

"Hi, how's everything? Do you need help?" She asked. I didn't notice she walked up to where I was. She was always like this, she always made sure everything was okay and everyone was holding up.

"I got it covered but thanks, Syd," I said and smiled at her.

"Sure but if you ever need help, you know where I am." She gestured where she usually sits. I nodded and she smiled. Before walking away, I thought of returning her kind words.

"Same goes for you, you can always go to me as well, Syd." She looked back at me again with a slight shock of expression on her face. I didn't expect her reaction, I thought she'd automatically say 'Thanks' like she always does. It was a simple act of kindness but her reaction made it seem something grand. I mean I meant it but... Was it too much or am I being weird? "I-I mean as your president, you can always lean on me." I said, attempting to save myself from embarrassment.

It took her a few seconds to process what I said before giving me a small smile. "Yeah... I know. Thanks, Oscar."

I thought maybe she just really had a good life that she didn't have anything to rant about. Then, there were silent moments in the past where I looked at her and she seemed to be in deep thoughts. I chose to ignore it, I didn't want to pry into anyone's business.

Syd was always okay. Or at least that's what she kept telling everyone.

"Minsan nagtataka ako kung tao pa ba si Syd." rinig kong sabi ni Alicia sa likod ko. Nakaheadset ako pero kakatapos lang ng kanta na pinakikinggan ko. Nag l-loading pa ang next song kaya nasaktuhan kong narinig ang pag uusap ni Alicia at Chels.