A Man Has Horns // Sebastian Sallow

Chapter 63 - Alors On Danse

She was cusping her forehead, leaning on her elbows, her back slouched. I knew the room was spinning hard enough for both os us as we were still on the floor - tucked away in the corner of the hallway.

Some laughter echoed distantly away, a door creaked shut.

Silence once again.

She had not said a word.

Through her fingers, shielding her eyes, the hands that held herself up as she rocked her body back and forth ever-so-slightly, I could see it. Regret. There was a flicker of regret for persisting, for wanting to know the truth.

And I wish I could have gone back and undone it. It was my burden not hers.

I looked at my arm, the white barbed lines with a red tint. Fresh and raw for both of us to remember for weeks to come.

Imelda brought herself up to her knees. 10 minutes perhaps had passed since I had finished telling her everything.

"How many times have you casted the Killing curse?" she said silently, her voice shaky but tone firm.

I couldn't answer. Not because I did not want to.

I did not know.

My jaw tightened as I looked away from her, trying to count, maybe trying to figure out how many notable Wizards and Witches I had killed.

Imelda watched me in unnerving silence. I saw her chest rise and fall faster as she understood my inability to answer to be due to the frequency.

"The Cruciatus curse?" she asked again but I just shook my head.

I felt the crushing attention. Maybe it was the beginning of facing the consequences of my actions. In any way, I knew I had chosen the cowardly self-serving way out of this situation by using the Unbreakable Vow.

There were no consequences for me.

There were only for Imelda.

She could never seek help, never find solace by telling anybody else this. I had trapped her in a dark scary room with me, making her watch as I incinerated the key before her.

"Imperio?" she defeatedly and lastly asked and I just couldn't even muster to shake my head no.

She clasped her mouth with the back of her hand, her pinky finger being right bellow her nose as if to hold her nausea down.

I wish I could take it back.

"I... never did it to anyone who didn't want to kill me," I said but immediately remembered Sebastian in Hogsmead. "Except Sebastian. I casted Imperio on him that night in Hogsmeade. I just... wanted him to stop."

In for a penny in for a pound, I had to at least say everything.

Imelda just didn't react, her face not showing any change to my words.

"More than 20?" was what she asked when another 5 minutes had passed.

I nodded.

"50?"

I nodded again, slightly more slowly.

"70?"

I stalled, thinking whether that could be the case.

"Lilith... A hundred?" Imelda asked not containing her worried and scarred tone.

"I don't think a hundred," I replied but the words gave no solace to either of us.

She knew I had used the Unforgivable Curses. She also guessed I had killed dozens of Dark Wizards and Witches - but perhaps she had thought I had just defeated them. Her questions regarding the matter were a lot more concrete, and I no longer skimmed or danced over the subject.