avi with an "i" | junkyu

t w o

Maybe because it hurt me by the fact that it's been almost one year, or maybe it was the fact that I suddenly wished I was Ava, everytime I saw him.

No, not now, Junkyu.

But I did still open the doorknob.

Stupid.

Despite the unending vibration of my phone. Visiting the endless cry of longing coming from the boy I've loved for years.

"Junkyu..." but my voice was too low for him to hear.

"Ava, I need you... I need you more than I need myself, please come back to me! You're my lifeline my love, please! It's my birthday today" He cried. The same cry I heard a day ago.

"Junkyu..." I repeated, trembling with the thought of how tired and messy he sounds and look right now. My heart aches a bit of seeing this side of him every single time.

He didn't listen. Junkyu glued his sight at her pillow where her picture lied down there.

"Tell me you're not gone, Ava! Please sing me a happy birthday my love."

It's true Kyu, she's gone. She overdosed herself the day on your birthday. And here you are, still thinking it's your birthday everyday. Because you keep denying the fact that she is dead! Respect her death Kyu!

I want to shout at him, but I remember I just did the other day.

"For God's sake it's November 21!" I burst out. I cannot hold my tears to flow once more, my hands were trembling the moment he heard me and snapped his head in my direction.

God, those tired eyes squinted at me. His pupil get wide, as if the tears ceased from flowing. His lips somehow formed into a curved line, as he supported himself from getting up from his position earlier.

"A-Ava..." he immediately walked slowly at my direction, with confusion and excitement onto his voice.

Ava?

Those eyes. I remember those eyes every time he saw Ava from the distance walking down to his direction after waiting for almost an hour, every time Ava would utter half-baked 'I love you's to him, every time Ava would cracked a sweet giggle, and laughs.

And I was right there every time, wishing someone would look at me, the way he was looking at me right now.

"Ava, love!" Junkyu said with teary eyes. Was that...happiness?

My sight stopped at the mirror beside the room's desk. As it reflects my look for the night. Right, I look like Ava. I was Ava for him.

I walk backward in confusion until, I hit the wall and there's nothing I can do but to meet his embrace.

"Junkyu, I'm not Ava! It's...Avi" I struggled pushing his body away from mine.

His eyes scrutinized my face for a second.

Why I feel like crying? The way he hugged me soothes me for a second, the way he looked made me feel love for a moment.

"Ava Shin. My lifeline, how's your day?" Suddenly he talked perfectly. Junkyu's face was just an inch away from mine. One move and I might lose my sanity.

My tears started to flow on my cheeks, creating a relief on my throat.

"Kim Junkyu..." I said his name for the third time.

And the next thing I knew he closed his eyes, and crashed his lips onto mine.

No.

With the strength of sanity, I tried to push him away.

"Junkyu, you're so wasted, I'll drive you home."

"No, Ava... I want to stay with you.." His voice cracked again.

"Junkyu, It's Avi for fucking sake! It's Avi!"

Maybe he's too drunk to realise the difference of our name, the difference of our looks. And met my lips one more time that entirely made me lose my mind, more than any whiskey could ever do.

Kim Junkyu, tell me, what's the feeling of being loved by you?