avi with an "i" | junkyu

o n e

rein🍻

rein🍻:
hey avi!

you:
rein!
but we just had yesterday?

rein🍻
lol
does it concern you?

you:
yes :(
yes, for another embrace
of the bottle!

rein🍻:
i almost cancel it 😤

you:
lmfao yk that I don't say no with alcohol babe

rein🍻:
k, downtown bar at 9
see you girl!
sent.

I throw myself at the mattress of my room, where my phone continuously vibrates from the notifications of my friends, probably having the same intention like my best friend. I open my phone's screen as I checked the time.

8:16 pm

I took a deep breath, as I tried to savour the everyday's kiss of oak and spice onto my tongue. Perhaps yearning for the excitement, or the escapade that alcohol provides. And maybe something more.

My eyes were fixated at the ceiling, where a glow in the dark half moon sticker would be seen. For some reason, I found myself picturing her smile over again.

"I...I miss you, no one will lecture me about how drunk-Avi looks stupid anymore, unnie. I miss you Ava."

Somehow, my tears escaped and flowed to the temple of my head and stopped at the sheets of the bed.

I lost my twin last year. My soulmate, my bestfriend. Even in the most darkest part of my identity, she was there defending me in everything. Ava is the opposite of me, pristine, elegant, and well, the better one. And me? I was the trouble-maker, the happy-go-lucky, messy version of Shin twins.

I was the dim light, on her own sunshine. But she never made me feel that way. The surroundings were.

As tears continuously blurred my sight, I found myself sleeping with damp sheet from my tears.

BRIZK! BRIZK!

rein🍻:
where are you?
do you want me to pick you up?
hey av?
sent.

"Oh shit"

you:
wait a bit, no worries
omw rin!
seen.

I decided to get up from lying on the mattress. And greeted the whole mess of my room once again. Scattered clothes, shoes, and some bottles of whiskey. I shoved the thoughts of cleaning it up at this hurried moment.

I instantly walk to my wardrobe and found...oh, fuck dresses. White, pink, dior, channel elegant dresses that Ava used to give me. I immediately dive at the mountain of clothes inside my cabinet to find loose jeans, and a downtown shirt or tops. Nothing. I found nothing, instead just skirts and cardigans.

"Seriously, when did I start to have these clothes?"

At the end, I just decided to wear what a normal, clean girl would wear. A skirt. C'mon it's not like it was the first time (I go to church so yeah)

I hurriedly prepare my handbag, and a clean bun of my hair. My feet drive me to the mirror, and God, I almost don't recognize myself, feel like my sight was deceiving me by longing.

Well, I almost look like Ava. No, I look like Ava. From head to toe, I kind of xerox all her features onto mine. Except for the mole under my right eye.

"Don't... don't cry Avi. You just had it earlier."

Silence.

9:20

I eventually exit my room and locked the doorknob. Writing an imaginary note on cleaning the room by tomorrow inside my head.

But, in the midst of excitement and chaos, my whole body froze where I heard a sound coming from my sister's room.

I decided to walk it out, but the noise of pain somehow chained me.

"Gosh, he's here again?" I said with an irritated tone. I looked away from the direction of her room and amble myself to it.

"Avi, he's been there for almost an hour now" The maid in her 50's worriedly said.

"Oh, about that Ajumma... I don't know, he's having a hard time right now." I hesitatedly explained. "Is he drunk?"

"Yes, I think so Avi. Can...you talk to him, I feel bad for that boy. Ava must be worried if she witnesses this." Ajumma suddenly asked politely, hesitantly.

I swallowed a big lump on my throat and broke an awkward smile as I scratched the back of my head.

"Oh, you're going somewhere?"

"Actually ajumma, yes."

Was it the actual excuse for me to declined her favour, because I don't want to? Or because there's something about me that was afraid to face him, that might trigger something more than a longing?

Maybe because it hurt me by the fact that it's been almost one year, or maybe it was the fact that I would wished I was Ava, everytime I saw him.

No, not now Junkyu.

__
english is not my native language pls note.
this story inspired from
"I Quit Drinking" by Lany
since it's been in my fyp for a while ;)