Never Let Me Go | YANDERE!CHUUYA NAKAHARA

30: spring.

Your belly is swollen to a degree that you can't see your own feet.

It's a gentle spring day. Spring is more difficult than the frosty bite of winter; you're used to the cold, you're used to being frozen in time over and over again, constantly in the cycle of abuse where no escape forged an escape for you. Your winter made you disappear, on the edge of the earth, where nothing but tear drops of your despair remained. But now that the winter is over, now that the hurt is over, now that you've begun anew; what needed to be swept away, what needed to be planted? You had no idea, but you knew that your new husband did–he gave you a reason to start again. And this time, this spring, it would be different.

There are yellow and white butterflies fluttering in the viridian foliage of the safehouse garden, flowers of all kinds flourishing and blooming their viciously bright petals under the corona of the sun; you waddle over to them and pick a giant rose with a garden gloved hand, the other occupied with a blue watering can that was half-filled with water. The smell of damp soil rises to the air: an earthy, deep-down soul smell, a gauzy still-cloud that remains in your vicinity with warmth and love. You close your eyes and feel like you're floating, despite the anchor in your womb weighing you down, everything feels light and your soul feels relieved.

When you've been cut up and destroyed for nearly all your life, absence can be a reprieve.

You stand amongst the clearing of flowers, surrounded by their strong, poignant perfumes, swaying in the light–golden and almost halo-like in the way it surrounds you. Time seemed to stand still, like you were sleepwalking: in a place undefined by time nor space but merely by the lifespan of the flowers and butterflies and cicada's songs.

A car pulls up to the driveway. You open your eyes and above the flowers' heads, you can see your husband–not your past, but Chuuya, carefully making his way towards you. His eyes are lightened by the light as he takes off his hat and places it on your head, tutting at you.

"You'll get sunburnt," He says. He angled the hat so that the sun was no longer piercing into your face. You tentatively take a garden glove off and your delicate hands plays with the chain tinkling by your head.

"I put sunscreen on."

He grins. Pearly whites flash. "I needed an excuse to see you in my hat."

You smile, shyly, slightly dipping your head down so that you were looking underneath your lashes. "Well? Do I look good?"

Chuuya chuckles. "You look fantastic."

"Look what I've planted here," You turn away from him and he takes your hand, instinctively afraid that you would fall over from the sheer swelling of your womb. He walks with you, looking at the plants that you have lovingly planted for him in his safehouse: this garden had never existed–it had always been a barren, cold place, with creeper plants slithering their way into the walls. But now that there was someone in his life that brought warmth and sunlight, there were things that grew in his mind that manifested into such beautiful flowers. "I planted some orange tulips."

"Why orange?" He asks, the colour reminiscent of his hair.

"Reminds me of your hair."

"Ah, I knew it."

"Not my fault you're off on long missions," You look over your shoulder. "I need something that reminds me you're permanently in my life now."

He brings you to his side and curls an arm over your back, his fingers tenderly spreading over your stomach.

"You know what?" He says. "Keep that hat."

You blink. Then play with the rim of the hat. "You're okay with that?"

"I can just buy another one. You're more important."

You swat his shoulders. "You're such a smooth talker."

"What? The woman of my life deserves the best," He says, laughing when you hide your burning face with his hat. "You need to get used to this."

"Used to what?"

"Feeling like you're worth it. Feeling like you're worth dying for," He says, his tone suddenly serious. "I've killed for you."

Terrible images of blood flashes before your eyes, before you realise that they were just the red roses you had planted in your peripherals. "You certainly have."

"And if it comes to it, I won't hesitate to do it again," He says. He watches a chestnut-coloured sparrow land on the tree branch above, the twig barely bending underneath its miniscule weight. It twitches, jolting its head to the side before opening its beak to let out a chirruping song. The two of you watch it sing, occasionally halting to preen its feathers. "I won't hesitate."

"You won't ever let me go, will you?" You ask.

"Never," Chuuya firmly says. "Never. I'd cut my heart out for you to play with if you wanted it."

The birdsong wholly possesses the garden, a trustful peace which rendered everything defenceless and tranquil, a communal defencelessness which obliterated the difference between you, Chuuya, the flowers, the bird, the tree–all under the sky, which pressed down inexorably on the fragile, mutable structures beneath it like a cover crushing all to extinctions.

You rest your head on his shoulder. He presses you closer to his side, welcoming you under his coat. The warmth is perfumed with his cologne, and for the first time in your life, you feel like you deserve everything soft, kind, and gentle. 

'Look what I've become,' You think to yourself, watching as the bird flies away. 'I've become lovable.'

And it is a concluding feeling, one that gave you closure instead of looping into cycles. 

It is freeing. 

–

A/N

So this marks the end of "Never Let Me Go"! 

I'm very used to depictions of Chuuya being very hot headed and bad tempered, but I realised that it's always because of Dazai. So why not try to explore the more romantic, reasonable side of him? I wanted to deviate from the other fanfics out there and try to write a fanfic that is completely devoid of any Dazai, only existing in passing remarks or dialogue that is swatted away. I wanted to write a Chuuya and give him his own limelight and show everyone that he isn't just Dazai's shadow. 

Regardless, I hope you enjoyed this fan fiction! I'll be working on my YANDERE!Gojo/reader fanfcition next, called "Dear Hamlet", so please be on the lookout for that!