𝐎𝐂𝐄𝐀𝐍 𝐄𝐘𝐄𝐒, john ambrose

chap 3. stass

I'm sobbing, my parents are downstairs fighting and I'm alone in my room with my door shut with my headphones in, even the music blasting in my ears won't drown the sounds out.

I need him.

I need John.

I pick my phone up and call him, but for the first time in forever he doesn't answer, I check the time and he isn't asleep, he can't be it's only 8.

My eyes go wide and I text him, "John I need you please answer."

No response.

I put my phone down and pull my blanket over me, I grab my lamb stuffed animal and sob quietly.

I bite my lip to hold back but they burst through, and they won't stop.

I hear my window slide open and I pull the blanket off of me and see John standing infront of me.

He has a smile on his face but as soon as he sees me it fades away, his eyes widen and he wraps his arms around me.

"Where were you?" I cry and he holds me tightly, "I was at Belleview I'm sorry-" he says and I start to calm down.

I sniffle and he pulls away from me slightly to look at my face, "Do you want me to stay with you until you fall asleep?" He asks and I nod my head.

"Okay.. okay.. I've got you okay?" He says and I lay down and he wraps his hands around my waist and lays his head on my stomach.

"John.." I mumble and he looks up at me with his chin still on my stomach, "mhm.?" He mutters and I sniffle.

"Thank you for being here." I say and he wipes my tears away before putting his arms back around my waist, "Always." He says before laying his head back down.

"Why were you at Belleview?" I ask as I calm down, he nuzzles his head deeper into my stomach and mumbles.

"Huh?" I ask and he sits up, off of me, "If I tell you, you won't get mad?" He asks and I nod, he sighs and looks up at the ceiling.

"I was with Lara Jean, we were just talking, and I just got caught up.." He says and my heart sinks.

"So I was crying, calling for you and you were with her?" I ask, my voice spilling with spite, John bites his lip softly and groans while rubbing his face.

"Yes but- I thought it wasn't important- and I was-" He says and I shake my head and interrupt him, "You promised." 

John goes to say something again and I glare at him, "You promised you would always be there, no matter what, every phone call, every night, day, anytime, anywhere." I snap at him and his gaze hardens towards me, "Not everything is about you Stass, it's not that big of a deal, I'm here now." he snaps back.

I shake my head and push him away from me and he gets off my bed, "You know what? Go be a homewrecker, go be everything to somebody else." I shout at him, he glares at me, his eyebrows furrowing and his fists clenched tightly together.

"Fine, I will be. You're such a child Anastasiya." he snaps and I get off my bed and step towards him, "Oh yeah? Well go hang out with little miss perfect, Lara Jean fucking Covey." I sneer back, and he rolls his eyes.

"Maybe I will." he says, we make eye contact and I watch as he gets a twinkle in his eye, as tears start to swell. He turns away and goes towards my window, "Fine by me!" I shout at him as he begins to climb through my window, he flips me off before climbing down.

I slam my window shut and close my curtains and lay on my bed, I hear footsteps coming up the stairs.

I hear a knock on my bedroom door, followed by a voice, "Stasya, can I come in?" my dads voice beaming through the window.

"Yes." I reply back and he opens my door and steps inside, shutting it behind me.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that Stasya.." My dad says and I shrug.

'It's not like you don't do it every other night.' i think to myself..

"It's okay, if you fight it means you care about each other enough to do so." I mumble and he nods with a sigh.

"So, who were you fighting with?" my dad asks and my eyes widen slightly, "Nobody?" I say and he rolls his eyes with a faint smile.

"Stasya, I heard John." He says and I sigh, I lean back onto my pillow, "Yeah, we had an argument, because he's just so- ugh." I rant.

"Just so ugh? What does that even mean?" He replies and I groan, "Annoying? Petty? I hate him so much, he's just so- he's so hard to be mad at. The way his eyes twinkle when he's about to cry just breaks my heart, the way his lips tremble slightly.." 

My dad sits at the end of my bed and chuckles a bit, "This boy must mean a lot to you, and don't deny it because I see the way you two look at each other." 

'Well now he's looking at Lara Jean Covey with a love filled gaze, and I'm staring at him with a heart that betrays.'

"Looked." I say looking away, and my dad shakes his head, "Whatever you say.." My dad stands up and walks towards me, "Get some rest? We will finish this talk tomorrow." he says and I nod.

"Buonanotte, love you." He says and I lay down and pull my covers up, "Buonanotte." I reply and he walks towards my door and shuts the light off, and closes my door behind him.

I turn to face my wall and sigh,

There is so much I wanna say.

But never enough words.