This World That Divides Us

CHAPTER 30

The kiss lasts longer than I intend it to, but I can't help it. I want Jack's lips to stay right where they are. I want him to kiss me and I want to kiss him right back.

But then, suddenly, I come to the realization that this is wrong. That I need to stop it.

I shove Jack's chest with my palms, pushing him away from me. "You can't just do that."

"Stas..."

"No. You can't just go around kissing me when you feel like it."

"You just told me that you can't imagine your life without me in it and expect me not to react? To not do anything about it? I'm sorry, Stas, but I can't just stand here and pretend like those words don't matter to me. I'm sorry for treating you the way that I did the other night. Ending things was the last thing that I wanted."

"But you did it."

"But I didn't want to."

"I don't think you know what you want, Jack. You say that you want me but I need you to show it, like really, truly show it. You can't just take it away whenever you feel like it."

"I know," he says, raking his fingers through his sandy hair, "I know. That night was a really bad night for me. I was with my parents at Jordana's house and my dad was just being...himself. Piling his expectations onto me, putting me down..."

"...Because of me?"

"No," Jack says, but he's lying. I can tell.

"Jack. Honesty, remember?"

"It's nothing against you, Stas. My dad is just one-minded."

"He wants you to be with Jordana, doesn't he?"

"It doesn't matter. I don't want to be with her. I want to be with you."

"I want to be with you, too. But how is this going to work when your dad doesn't believe in us?"

"Because I believe in us. And that's going to have to be enough for him."

***

I got home the latest I've ever gotten home before. After the bonfire, Jack and I went back to his place to talk. His parents are away for the week, which is why I agreed to go over.

The second we stepped inside his house, Jack lead us into the kitchen and started rummaging through the fridge to find me something to eat. He ended up toasting two pieces of bread and poured me a glass of orange juice. "You need to sober up," he said to me with concern in his tone, pushing the plate in my direction.

Once I was done eating, we spoke.

We spoke about my mom.

I told him how my dad and I came home one day to find that she had left us. For good.

I told him how I was 3 years old when it happened.

I told him how I never saw or heard from her again up until yesterday.

I told him how upset I was with her.

I told him how much I've missed her all these years.

I told him how much I wish I didn't miss her.

On the drive home, I checked my phone to find many missed calls and texts from my dad, asking me where I was. I know that I did wrong by him by not answering a single one of his messages, but I felt so heated and betrayed by his actions that I felt like I had nothing to say.

Nevertheless, I feel somewhat cooled off when I walk into the house. It's almost 1 am on a school night, so I'm hoping dad's asleep.

I tip-toe on my feet as I head for the stairs only to see the hallway light suddenly turn on. And then – before I can even make it past the first step – my dad comes down.

"You better have a damn good excuse, Anastasia," he says. I don't remember the last time that I've seen him this angry. I get it, though. This type of behavior isn't like me.

"I'm sorry. I lost track of time."

He crosses his arms together and then says, "Not going to cut it. Try again."

"Dad," I sigh, beginning to walk up the stairs, "can we talk about this in the morning? It's late and I have to be up in 5 hours."

"Well, you should have thought about that when you decided to stay out past curfew with God knows who. Not to mention the fact that you neglected to check in with me."

"I was at the beach. At a bonfire."

"You were at the beach until 1 am?"

"Well, no. I was at the beach until 10. I went to Jack's house afterward."

Dad starts shaking his head and then rubs his temples. "Okay, this is going to stop. Right now."

"What is?"

"You and Jack."

"What? Dad, no. You can't do that."

"Yes, I can, and I just did."

"Jack's not the problem, dad. You inviting your ex-wife over without telling me is. How could you do that to me?"

"You can't go on the rest of your life holding this massive grudge against your mother, Anastasia. It'll destroy you inside."

"That's my decision to make. Not yours."

"It is my decision to make when my role as your father is to protect you; to make sure that you won't regret something like this later on in your life."

"The only thing that I regret right now is seeing her on my front porch without any kind of notice." I go to pass him, but he calls out to me before I can make it to the top step.

"You've been drinking tonight, haven't you?"

I stop in place, not wanting to lie to him but doing so just to save myself the embarrassment...and the guilt. "No."

"I can smell the alcohol on your clothes."

"That's because I was around people who were drinking."

"Anastasia, you want to be mad at me, be mad at me. But don't lie to me."

"How about this, dad? How about I stop keeping secrets the day that you do?"

***

In the morning, I find a piece of paper taped to the refrigerator. It's a note from my dad, reminding me that he had to get to Sinclair Prep earlier than usual for a staff meeting. He mentioned it last week, but my mind's been so busy that I forgot.

I text Jack 'good morning' and ask him for a ride to school. He answers right away and lets me know that he'll be by me in 10 minutes.

"Hey," he smiles once I slide into the car. He reaches his body over the center console and gives me a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey," I smile back.

He lowers the music that's playing in the background and then asks, "How'd you sleep?"

"I didn't. You?"

"4 hours, if I'm lucky."

"Better than me."

"Did you see your dad?"

"Yeah, last night. Let's just say that he wasn't too happy with me."

Jack rubs my shoulder with his free hand as the other remains on the steering wheel. "I'm sorry, babe. You okay?"

"No. Between him and my mom, I'm just exhausted."

"I'm here for you if you need anything," he tells me, and I reach for the side of his face.

"Thanks." I look out the window and replay yesterday's events in my head. "Hey," I say, turning back around to look at Jack. "What do you say we skip school today?"

"Uh. I say, who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend?"

"C'mon, Jack!"

He looks at me for a split second. "You serious right now?"

"I couldn't be more serious."