Death of a Guardian

Chapter 23

Now that it was freezing outside, Emryk kept returning to the library every night. After sneaking into the library after dark too often, waking his friend, Mateusz brought a mat into the room and placed it under a desk across the room from his.

They could still see each other, but it was far enough that they could use a small lantern to read by without disrupting the other when they passed out. The room was nicer than other buildings in town. Mateusz told him the walls had two layers of brick to protect the books during winter.

Back home, he always slept without his shirt on. For the first week sleeping here, he felt awkward removing it with Mateusz or who knew who else could walk inside. But after a few nights of sweating with it on, he finally grew the courage to sleep in just his pants. This way he could sleep with his blanket on and it wouldn't be too warm.

In the morning, he strolled outside with Mateusz with his blanket wrapped around him as they made their way to get breakfast. With the garden gone, men and women crawled down under the food house and brought up some of the amebelodon meat and some fruits. It wasn't a lot, but it was enough to sate his hunger. There was an attack last week and everyone was still somber at the loss of one man who fought that day.

Emryk felt sad because he didn't know too much about Justyn before. He already read the man's journals in the library trying to make up for it, but it felt like it wasn't enough. After he finished it, several others read it as well to honor the man.

It felt odd that his books showed a man that was happy. He loved all his friends here and found a place of acceptance. It said he married the man of his dreams had sixty years with him, living in the body of a young man.

"I've never felt more free in my life. I get to love who I love openly and fight by the side of my friends. What better way to live and die!"

Emryk kept thinking about those words and wondered if it would be the same for him if Aleks were here. As much as he wanted that, he knew in his heart and soul that Aleks would already have kissed other guys and girls here. Aleks had said that once they were free to be open, he would be with only him, but he knew it was lies.

That's not true. He loved you very much.

Emryk looked around, a shiver running down his spine. He glanced at Mateusz, but dismissed the idea. The voice was eerily similar to his own, yet it carried a warmth and conviction that felt foreign.

Aleks loves you. He would be just as loyal as me if he were here.

The voice was insistent, almost soothing. Emryk shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. Was this his own mind reassuring him?

Yes, Emryk. I am you. You love Aleks more than life. You would wait till the end of time to be with him. Every world could crumble behind you as you wait. And you know he'll wait for you as well.

Emryk smiled, knowing it was true just as he knew the opposite was true only minutes ago. Aleks would fight and wait for him.

After breakfast was over, Mateusz went back to the library as it filled up with men and women wanting to discover something new to read. Emryk watched Kacper and a few men and women walk out on the ice over the shallows and begin fishing off into the lake. Lines of rope were lying on the ice behind them.

They reached back to shore and were tied onto large metal hooks against the wall of the food storage building. They were there only in case of accidents, but he never saw one being used. Everyone seemed to know where to stand to be safe.

He made his way slowly out onto the ice, following the path everyone else took. Noticing him, several of the others fanned out, letting him have time alone with Kacper, knowing they were getting closer. They didn't know if they were interested in each other, but they didn't want their prince to be lonely and were giving him the chance to make a move if he desired.