I Feel You - Gyomei Himejima

Chapter 2

"Hamito, Hami, Mito... I see the play of words." Gyomei chuckles as we sit right next to each other on the wooden platform of the temple. We sat outside the next morning as the kids were out to play on the grass.

"Yeah." I say as I squeeze my right shoulder, still strained from my dispute with the bear yesterday, "Wait..."

"What is it?" He turns his head in my direction.

I narrow my eyes, looking at the kids one by one, "The little girl yesterday... whom I protected from the bear. She isn't here."

"What are you saying? Everyone is present here."

"She look around 5 or 6 years old, she had short brown hair and a flower hairpin."

Gyomei's eyes seemingly widen, "Are you sure?"

"My eyes don't deceive me."

"Was she... carrying a basket... full of herbs?" His voice sounded hesitant.

I gaze up at him, raising an eyebrow, "Yeah, why?"

"Hamito... that girl you're talking about died three months ago. To that bear. I couldn't find her body, only blood on the ground and a spilled basket." He sighs, "I couldn't sleep for a month after that."

"Ah," I look up at the sky, revelation washing over me that that girl I saw must've been its spirit. It continued to wander the woods, unrest until the bear was dead, "I hope she finds her peace now that the bear is dead."

"I hope so too..." I turn and see him planting his face on the palm of his hands. He lets out a sniffle. Probably mourning the kid's death. A frown formed on my face and I reached out, hesitated, and pulled my hand back, staying quiet as I let him cry.

"Here." I pass him my pink handkerchief.

He looks at me surprised, but he takes it hesitantly then wipes his tears with it, "Thank you..."

A few weeks have passed, and Gyomei usually collects vegetables from the small garden of vegetables he cultivated. I continued to heal rapidly and had already recovered quite well within three days, but I didn't tell Gyomei, not until I found someplace else to start a new life with my siblings. I had to use him for now, but I promised myself I'd repay him when the time came.

I help around taking care of the kids, bathing them in the river, collecting herbs to rub on my "injury", acting sick for one day, then sleeping with them huddled in one room. The smell of burning wisteria incense filled my mind, though Gyomei used it to ward off demons at night, it still smells good to me, like perfume.

There were times he'd trust me to leave the kids for an entire day and go to town, applying for jobs. Although he was rejected a lot on the first few tries, there was a job that had him transport vegetables and fruits from one town to another where his strength could be utilized.

He saved a little money, using it to fix the holes on the roof so we don't have to use buckets to catch water leaking through whenever a storm comes. He also put a fence in the vicinity around the house-- I mean, temple, so the children wouldn't wander off too far at the same time keeping wolves or any danger out. The food on the table didn't have to be porridge always, a few times a week we got to taste broiled chicken.

Another kid was added to the pack, named Kaigaku, his family was killed by demons and Gyomei found him while he was working.

Life was starting to turn okay in the first few months I lived here, I was happy, and the children were as well. It would be a stretch to say that I had grown attached to this place. And that's what I feared.

"I told you to wear an extra layer of clothing," I say in a stern tone as I apply ointment over Gyomei's back. It had been injured due to the heavy load he carried earlier this morning.

He laughs nervously, rubbing the back of his neck, "I'm sorry, I should've listened... But, thank you." He says in a quiet tone.

"There. You're all good." I said pulling his shirt down to cover his back.

He turns around to face me, "Thank you... I don't know what I would do without you, Hamito." He says in a kind voice, "I'm glad you stumbled your way into here a long time ago."

I nod simply. We were sitting outside the temple and it was night. "Yeah... but as soon as I recover completely, I'll be on my way! So thank you for your hospitality."

Gyomei wore a look of surprise for a second before looking away, he didn't say anything as he got quiet.

"Hm? Something wrong?" I ask.

"...." He had his hands together, his thumbs fiddled, "I...." He mumbled the next words and I couldn't hear it.

I lean close, "Ha?"

"I don't want you to go yet."

I felt my heart skip a beat, "Why is that?"

"...For the time we spent together, day by day, I find your presence warm and comforting. I may not be able to see you, but your voice says you're beautiful. Perhaps not just in appearance, but you have a beautiful soul as well. It was only a matter of time that I find myself not only living for the orphaned children but for you as well... Hamito..."

My eyes widened as a shiver ran down my spine, not once have I thought he'd have those feelings for me. His eyes didn't bear much emotion, instead, he kept it hidden deep in him.

"I don't have anything to offer." He continues, "I'm a blind man, I take care of 11 kids, I live in a small humble temple... There's nothing much about me for you to reciprocate your feelings. So it's okay if you don't have the same feelings as I do-"

"I lied," I say. My heart swelled up with guilt.

"What?"

"I said I lied. I've recovered long ago, I didn't tell you because we had nowhere else to go. So I just used you, let you work hard every day and night to take care of my siblings and me," It felt like the air was stuck in my throat as tears fell down my eyes, "I'm a bad person, Gyomei, a person you shouldn't fall in love with. So you take back those words."

He cut me off when he closed the distance between us, planting his lips against mine. I was bewildered as he slowly wrapped his arms around my body and closed his eyes, deepening the kiss. I felt like I was caught in a trap, a trap I couldn't escape from the longer the kiss lasted, the only thing I had to do was kiss him back.

He pulls away letting out an exhale, "I know. I know you were still faking you had an injury. Despite my blindness, there are some other things that I can feel, like a person's condition. Yet, I still wanted you to be here, I know you have nowhere else to go, and thinking about you out there, being in danger..." He shakes his head, "I don't want anything to happen to you."

I press my lips together, furrowing my eyebrows, asking myself.

How? How can a man so kind exist?

I pull myself away from him, "I'm sorry... I need some time to think...." I stood up and walked back inside the temple.

Gyomei turned, his gaze following the sound of my footsteps. Then he looks back down on the ground, hanging his head silently.