SECRET ADMIRER ( ryuurin )

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Ryuusei flipped a page of Chainsaw Man Volume 1.

This would be his third reread of the series, though only his first with this exact copy he picked up from a middle schooler. The kid ran away in a funny fashion and happened to drop Ryuusei's favorite manga.

Ryuusei liked Chainsaw Man, at least more than his dull class. It would be the last class today, and man, was he tired from being at school since early in the morning. Of course, the obvious solution to his exhaustion was to kill some time before football practice. The roof was sunny and warm, the perfect environment for some alone time to read the manga.

Ryuusei enjoyed seeing Power pummeling down on the devil with her hammer, but he couldn't stop the yawn. Perhaps a quick nap would soothe his body.

Ryuusei laid on his back, his hands neatly folded beneath his head. A light breeze washed over him. He inhaled and exhaled deeply, relaxing his muscles as well. Except, fuck, why was it so blindingly bright?

He stubbornly refused to let the sun bother him and squeezed his eyes shut. It was so annoying. The manga he only had one volume of, the sun with its daring rays, and his secret admirer who couldn't bother to reveal themselves. Well, his secret admirer wasn't that annoying. They were fine. Ryuusei must confess that it was nice to know someone had an interest in him. Good for the secret admirer, Ryuusei was also interested in knowing who they were.

It wasn't until after the bell that the root of Ryuusei's leading curiosity emerged anew in the form of a simple note.

Are you curious, Shidou Ryuusei?

Ryuusei's initial thought was that his secret admirer was stupid. He couldn't imagine who would ask a question like this. Was Ryuusei curious? Of course he was! He wasn't some cold stone statue. The moment he knew who his secret admirer was, his long-lived curiosity would be resolved. That was, if his secret admirer revealed themselves before he did.

Once again, Ryuusei mentally went through his (very short) list of people who could possibly like him and unsurprisingly concluded there was nobody in his life who would truly want him. Even if there was, like his current secret admirer, it was too mind-boggling–why did they like him of all people? What did he have to offer that was so enticing to them? Ryuusei could play football well, but that wasn't a skill that benefited his partner. Hell, not even his teammates could reign him in to tackle the game together. Ryuusei was a force of his own, an anomaly that elevated his teammates to victory and/or destroyed them to smithereens.

Now it wasn't that Ryuusei doubted his secret admirer's feelings but rather their knowledge of him. Truthfully, Ryuusei possessed no qualities of a friend, much less a boyfriend. It was very likely the secret admirer constructed an image of Ryuusei that deviated from reality. If Ryuusei's actual self was disclosed... Could the secret admirer blame Ryuusei for being himself? It was their fault their imagination took them too far.

But if Ryuusei were to change, perhaps the secret admirer would be interested because that changed Ryuusei would be more similar to the imagined version.

Maybe this was his sign to stop skipping class so often to read manga.

Ryuusei sighed. Who was he trying to fool? There was no way he would change just to get the attention of someone he didn't even know.

It admittedly pained Ryuusei to know that his secret admirer's blissful ignorance of his personality would eventually lead to sore disappointment. If Ryuusei was unable to support whatever delusional figure his secret admirer fabricated, the liking would ultimately cease to exist. In the end, things would go back to normal. Nobody would like him (not that Ryuusei was unfamiliar with that concept).

There was a tap on his shoulder. "You coming to practice?"

"What are you doing here, Bachira?" Ryuusei growled, his voice low with threat.

Bachira tilted his head, befuddled. "We're in the same class?"

Ryuusei wrinkled his nose. "The hell we are," he snarled.

"It's been months since school started!" Bachira pointed to a desk in the front corner of the room. "I sit by the window!" he insisted.

Fuck. Ryuusei's absence was clearly visible, but he did not want to entertain the idea of acknowledging this.

"Are you going or not? What's that?" Bachira leaned forward to get a better look at the paper in Ryuusei's hand.

"Get the fuck away from me!" Ryuusei barked, pushing Bachira's face away.

To much of Ryuusei's disgust, Bachira gave a tiny lick to the palm. "Bleh."

"Do you want to die?!" Ryuusei roared before launching himself toward his teammate who looked way too happy for his own good.

Bachira managed to maneuver around the desks before being straddled by Ryuusei's crushing weight. "I abstain!"

Ignoring Bachira's pleas, Ryuusei pulled his fist back to land the most satisfying punch of his life on that pesky brat's clean slate of a face when the door slid open.

"What are you two doing?" an unimpressed voice interrupted.

A snap of his neck and those same alluring teal eyes from this morning locked onto Ryuusei's pink ones. Rin stood with his bag's strap slung across his chest. His voice matched his expression, nonchalant but judgmental. His piercing gaze followed Ryuusei's fist high in the air, then Bachira on the floor. Ryuusei could tell Rin's stare lingered where Ryuusei sat on top of his victim before returning to Ryuusei's face.

"Save me–" Ryuusei clasped a hand over Bachira's mouth, effectively muffling the rest of his sentence. Rin's gaze flickered down to Bachira but returned to their original spot.

"None of your business, Rin Rin," Ryuusei answered. He meant to say it as a warning, but it sounded too soft to be one.

Rin scoffed. "Don't hurt him."

And before Ryuusei could respond, the younger Itoshi was gone with a rattle of the door.

Ryuusei hated when Rin did that, having the last word in the conversation. The two would keep fighting to reach the top of a perpetual staircase, and once Rin managed to be just one step ahead of Ryuusei, it was over. Rin wouldn't smirk, goat, or crow in triumph, but he would make eye contact with Ryuusei to ensure the latter saw this. And Ryuusei, instead of noticing his loss, would spiral downward into those eyes.

Cursing inwardly, Ryuusei stood to grab his backpack.

"You really need to stop attacking everyone," Bachira advised, dusting off his uniform.

Ryuusei glared at his teammate.

"You also need to stop glaring at everyone."

"Get out."

"Is that any way to treat your dear secret admirer?" Bachira sighed.

Ryuusei swore his heart stopped beating for a moment. He clenched the note in the palm of his hand. "What?"

Bachira laughed. "Don't worry, I'm not him."

"How the fuck do you know?"

Bachira shrugged, a proud grin on his face. "Lucky guess."

Ryuusei wanted to say a million things. "Fuck off."

Bachira merely laughed harder than earlier at Ryuusei's pathetic attempt at a counter. "Lucky guess!" he repeated while Ryuusei reached for his bag.

It wasn't until Bachira was already at the doorway that something clicked in Ryuusei's mind. "Wait–him?"

"We're going to be late!" Bachira dashed away before Ryuusei could question him any further.

노트: hello guys back for the yearly update lawlll i've been kept busy this summer with things, but hopefully i am able to write more !

ok i will be very very honest i had a rather difficult time writing out ryuusei's thought process. it's the only reason why this chapter took so long to publish. this scene may be very ooc because i don't really keep up with bllk anymore + there is no blatant romance presented in bllk to reference of. (this seems like i'm making up poor excuses for my sorry writing.)