Loki the Lockdown Dog

Physical Jerks

13. Physical jerks

I wondered whether the saluki was faster than me because my muscles weren't big enough. I looked at myself in the mirror. I was all leg, and under my thick fur I could just about make out my ribs like ripples running across my chest. The saluki didn't seem to be affected by her skinny frame, but what was good for Benedict had to be good for me. For I'd seen the improvements in Benedict's physique since he'd started doing his exercises.

Benedict went out on one of his shopping trips, leaving me on my own in the flat. The door was open, so I could get into the garden if nature called. He'd left the stomach cruncher laid out on the floor, and I rolled myself into it to adopt the same position that Benedict used, on my back with my head resting on the headrest, and my paws on the blue foam pawgrips on the metal bar in front of me. With my thin and angular frame, I didn't find it particularly easy to lie on my back, for I kept on toppling over onto my side. However, with my paws I could stabilize myself just enough to remain straight. I contracted my stomach muscles and pushed forward with my paws, but the headrest only moved one inch off the floor, no matter how much I tried. My stomach just didn't seem to work in the same way that Benedict's did, for no sooner was my head off the floor, than my hips squirmed away from underneath me, so that I flipped over sideways. I tried it once more, putting all my energy into it, but the whole machine leapt into the air, and my claws clattered against the metal frame until I lay flat out on my side, with my legs tangled up in the machine. I abandoned my efforts and turned my attention to the other pieces of metal that Benedict threw around. They consisted of thick metal discs somehow slotted on to a metal bar, and they'd rattle around as Benedict threw them up and down and around. They were apparently called dumbbells. My paws were entirely inadequate to lift them, so I used my mouth to pick up the very lightest one from the rack in which they lived. I got it out of the groove in which it sat, but the weight of it pulled my head downwards so that the dumbbell smashed into the carpet, jarring my teeth against the metal and straining the muscles in the top half of my neck.

I may be just a dumb dog, but these dumbbells really were dumb. Try as I might, I couldn't lift the dumbbell back into its rack, so I had to leave it on the floor where it lay.

Benedict had stopped leaving clutter around the flat, so it was really obvious that the dumbbell was out of place.

After a time which could have been hours or minutes, the door opened and Benedict stuck his head around it, yelling "Hi Loki! You are such a good boy. Have you had fun?"

He raced across the room towards me and held my head in his hands and stroked me. "You are the best boy" he said.

I don't know how he knew, but he knew something was up. It wasn't as if I was doing anything. He just knew.

"Why are you looking so guilty Loki?" If I'd been able to speak human I've had said "Nope, not guilty. Not me. Not at all", but all I could do was look as cute as possible with eyes wide open and ears held back.

"Something's up, boy. Isnt' it!"

His eyes scanned the room, and came to rest on the oh so achingly out of place dumbbell. He stroked his chin for a few seconds then turned to me.

"Was that you, Loki?"

I feigned ignorance and innocence at the same time. A move that, if I say so myself, my handsome, soft features made all the more easy.

"Hmmm, there's something strange about you, dog."

I looked quizzically back at him with both eyebrows raised and my ears perked upwards.

"You're not fooling me, Loki. There's something weird about you. That dumbbell couldn't have fallen onto the floor by accident, it was too firmly held in the rack. Why on earth would you deliberately pick that up? Maybe I need to take you back to The Vets."

At that, my face fell and I collapsed onto the floor with my front paws stretched outwards and my head resting on my paws.

"There. You knew exactly what I meant when I said that, and now you're sulking. And I always thought it suspicious that you were way, way too easy to train."

I just raised my head a couple of inches, then let it flop down again, just like a dumb dog. For some reason, I wasn't keen on Benedict finding out that I was capable of understanding his language. It gave me a feeling of foreboding that I didn't quite understand. On the one hand it might be good to let Benedict know that I could follow his every word, but on the other hand, what I'd heard about humans from the other animals wasn't filling me with confidence. I got a fluttering feeling in my stomach that made me feel uncomfortable, and I got a distinct intuitive inkling that no good would come of it.

Before I could think of a way to escape another trip to The Vets, Benedict was on the phone again. But he clearly wasn't speaking to The Vets, for I could hear chummy banter with a friend he called Ramesh, but with the words 'University' and 'tests' repeated several times. Then, to my horror, Benedict said 'experiments' and my heart started racing. I stood up and looked at Benedict with my most pleading expression, whining softly.

'I know it sounds far fetched, but he's just stood up and is looking at me plaintively, and whining.'

'University' and 'experiments' were a deadly combination. My Mum had told me of such things, and as Benedict finished making these arrangements, I was already plotting my escape. Universities did awful things to animals, even dogs, and I wasn't going to accept that fate without a fight.

As if he'd understood what I was thinking, Benedict walked to the back door and locked it. I'd learned that even if the door was shut, I could let myself out into the garden, by reaching up and pressing on the door handle.

"And just in case you can understand me, there'll be no evening walk tonight, and we'll go straight to the University tomorrow. To stop you fleeing in the interim," he said. I didn't know what an interim was, but it sounded like it could be useful. Was it some kind of vehicle I might flee in? Or a human celebration like Christmas?

What was up with Benedict? He'd suddenly turned from loving owner to accomplice in terror.