Following you | Jilix

Weird pages

It was hard who was standing by my side looking how I was painting I guessed a little bit and stood up as he smiled.

-Oh I'm sorry I painted you. It was too much in my head right now.

-I like it he used to draw me so many times I kind of missed this feeling.

Closer to me, just look at the picture I did as he took it folded in throwing it inside of his bag .

-What's wrong with you? You seem to be really stressed right now. I really like how you draw you really have talent you have to go on you will become really great artist.

I blushed looking at his face from down.

-I don't know I feel that sometimes past is hunting me. I don't know what I did their back and what person I was. Han I have no idea why I was stalking you. I really don't know myself perhaps and it's making me to mess up so many things and do such stupid movements.

He touched me by the shoulder, leaning closer to me as I felt his breath on my face. It was mental. He was having some candy in his mouth.

-You were amazing person back then I just regret not talking to you that much you were shy but you were resilient. You were so strong and passionate about the things that you did and I liked it about you. I I'm not the same person and I was kind of jealous a little bit, I don't know how is it now in your head Felix but I believe you are strong person. I know that you need time to think over the things you did and what are you now? But don't think about past too much. Don't make it influence you right now I like you right now too.

He smiled widely as his face moved closer as he leaned in and I just hold my breath waiting. What's going to be his next step?

I didn't know what he was going to do as I just stared at him looking into his features he was so pretty that it was hard to describe how much I liked his face. He was really attractive now. I knew why I was so much linked to him.

And he closed the gap, brushing his lips onto mine. It was a kiss. He moved closer, capturing my lips as he attacked me with that passion of his and I just responded by kissing him back and it felt so natural we did it before though I didn't remember doing that in the past it was so hard to resist him as he just brushed salvia my lips smiling as he just left the room closing the door.

I was left there was my socks going on and I had no idea what happened. Why did he kiss me? Did we do it before? Why? I can't remember the feeling it was so similar but at the same time so distant and it seemed that like he was not going to answer my questions until I figured it out what happened between us in the past I have to go back and look into my diaries if I have any notes written down what's going on why it feels like he was my stalker at the end of the day ?

I was at home searching for indefinite things that has never had any kind of the damn impact on me before, it was the filled feeling of the notes and the books that i have never wanted to be created by me.
The lost photos that i took of him and transparent photo albums of his features, and the whole stalking things that made me mad and obsessive about the Han's situation, it just so much messed with my head that i couldn't find the reliable source of the commitment that was presented for me.

The pages with the places he visited and the initial thing this person kept with himself were in the box that i was ignoring for the last months for sure.
I opened the black thing starring at the sketches there were still there as half of them i threw and now it was the option of o look for the clues.
The top tank i had on me was the all in dust as i forced myself to to wipe the stock itself, i just don't have time for that.
i pulled the papers that were filed with micro details of the person i used to get myself obsess with and turned the damaged papers finding the bullet journal.
It was old and used there were pages torn apart and i had no idea i had one in the past as i fell with m y back on the wall of the storage room opening the pages of the mysterious information i had.

"12.03
i woke with a huge desire to suicide again, there was no pills that could treat my absolute inability to fell in love with this life, so i decided to take another cup of coffee to calm down the extreme hate that grew stronger inside of my head.
I walked down the street looking at the small coffee shop that was there as i just pulled inside taking the bitter drink that placed me on the more energetic side of this devastating life.
This place was special as it was just opposite his windows that i used to observe him from afar.
I looked as his curtain was opened and he was up as some young man appeared at the window, it was another lover of his, i knew he had a lot of them, the small addiction of his to adult games were the secret i kept inside.
I saw him tossing those boys over and over screwing them and he would feel bad himself at the end of the day but the main point that i felt like a special guest on the show that he never hid from me.
He was fighting with that boy, again as always, they wanted the human relationship that he would never get into, he always talked that he wasn't created for once. I don't figure that out but there is a thing for sure.
I looked as the man just gave up throwing his things in the air as he was going to leave the flat.
And here was Han on the terrace smoking, he didn't smoke a lot but at such situations he was all i for a quick smoke or quick fuck, i think both.

His mind was far away as i took the final sip of the coffee as his eyes turned to me, he calmly observed me looking from up, his eyes were fixed on my face as i looked back and here we were starring at each other as two idiots.
I looked away but i felt he smirked to me as he threw the join in the box he had there as he went inside."

I looked at the other pages describing dozens of such situations as i looked at him, at school and on the street, in the hotels and other weird places.
The book was closed i had no power to read more as i gasped wiping the tired eyes of mine.
-The fuck is going on?

P.S. The next one will be on 13th...