LIES BETWEEN THE LINES

ℭ𝔥𝔞𝔭𝔱𝔢𝔯 01

𝚉𝚊𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚢 𝙲𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚜

"Zachary, I... I am sorry hindi ko s-sinasadya ang nangyari..." My girlfriend whispered tearfully as she grasped my arm tightly. Tinabig ko ang kanyang kamay ngunit pilit niya pa rin akong hinahawakan.

I don't know what to think. I am full of uncertainty, as if my mind is muddled and unable to process the words of my girlfriend— soon to be my ex. I feel a deep desire to punish her to death for her infedelity, yet the overwhelming affection I harbor for her continues to nag at me. And that's bullshit!

"What do you mean, "hindi sinasadya"? Mayroon bang ganoon ha, Allison?!" I was fuming mad as hell. "Ano 'yon? Nasagasaan ka ng rumaragasang t-- Fuck! I can't even say it!" I ran out of breath as I sighed with disappointment. "And then what, nabuntis ka? Is that what you're trying to say na hindi mo sinasadya?!" Mapakla akong natawa sa sariling kong idea.

She's unbelievable! What does she think of me? Someone who's stupid enough to believe her lies?

All she does is to bawle her eyes out and that pisses me off! She has the audacity to cry when she's the one who's at fault? Really?

"Ganoon na lang ba iyon?! Hindi ako tanga!  Allison, we've been in this relationship since high school! Minahal kita ng buong-buo. I respect you and never took advantage nor forced you to make love with me!" Punong-puno ng galit ang aking mga mata na nakatitig sa babaeng minahal ko ng buong buhay.

All those years were just a waste of time. I should have known this sooner!

"P-Patawarin mo ako..." she pleaded earnestly. Her eyes are begging for forgiveness but I won't fall for that. I'm done with her sh-ts.

Naging manhid na yata ang puso dahil walang akong maramdamang katiting na awa sa kaniya. I loved her more than myself but that was not enough for her to be faithful. 

"I know... I know that you loathed me that much but I did what I needed to do. Ginagawa ko ito para sayo at para sa magiging anak ko... at para na din sa ikakatahimik nating lahat." She started to spout nonsense as her tears continuously fell down on her cheeks.

Tinignan ko siya ng may pang-uuyam. The audacity! Ang kapal ng mukha ng babaeng ito sa kabila ng ginawa niya sa akin! She has the guts to invalidate my feelings like it was not important. May gana pa siyang humingi sa akin ng tawad. Hindi niya ba alam ang pakiramdam na iniputan sa ulo?! Ginago niya ako!

"Para sa ikakatahimik ng lahat?! Sa palagay mo ba matatahimik ako sa ginawa mo sa akin. Don't you have a f-cking conscience at all? Nagpapatawa ka ba?!" sigaw ko sa kanya. Halos lumabas na ang litid ko sa leeg sa sobrang galit na nararamdaman ko.

Hinawakan niya ang braso ko. Iwinaksi ko iyon ng may pandidiri. She fell down and landed on the ground. Gumuhit sa kanyang mukha ang sakit dahil sa pagkabagsak nito.

"Huwag mo akong mahawak-hawakan. You're disgusting! Ang kapatawaran na hinihingi mo sa akin, hindi ko iyon maibibigay sa iyo! Hinding-hindi kita mapapatawad kailanman! Karma will run after you, Allison."

I turned around and took a quick glance on her pitiful face, she doesn't deserve forgiveness. I shook my head and slammed the door.