A Delicate Light

Part 19

5x10 - "The Slave of Duty"
December 9, 2009
The rain pours down outside of their bathroom window as she leans closer to the mirror to fix her mascara. It seems pointless, doing her makeup as she's about to go cry it off, but she also thinks it will be good motivation to remain strong. Aaron and Jack need her today more than ever, so she must keep her composure as much as possible. She feels her baby tumble around inside her 33 week belly and lays a hand over the black material of her dress, "Let's go find Daddy and Brother." She whispers.
She walks, more like waddles, towards their bedroom where Aaron straightens his tie before leaning down to tie Jack's. He gives his son a soft smile which is returned, "Daddy?" "Yes, Buddy?" "Why did Mommy have to leave?" He asks. Jack had been asking a lot of questions in the last two weeks since his mother's murder. Hotch sighs, each one came with many different ways he could answer them and an uncertainty in which way to choose. "Jack, sometimes there are bad people in the world that do bad things, and those bad things make really good people have to leave." He begins explaining.
"Mommy was a really good person who loved you so much and would do anything to protect you. That's why she had to leave, Buddy, so you could stay safe." He says. Emily stands in their doorway and gives him a slight smile letting him know that that was the most perfect explanation. "Emily's a really good person. You're a really good person. Are you guys going to have to leave too?" Jack asks. Hotch shakes his head and kisses his son's forehead, "Not on my watch." Hotch says before standing.
He grabs the small suit jacket and helps his son into it before he slips his own on. Jack turns and smiles at Emily, "Daddy! Look at how pretty Emily is!" The four year old exclaims. "I know, Buddy, she's a sight for sore eyes." Hotch says. It almost feels wrong, the slight blush that creeps up her neck. "Can you go put your shoes on, Jack?" Hotch asks. The young boy nods and races to his room giving Hotch and Prentiss their first few moments of privacy this morning. She walks over and fixes his tie and collar.
"How're you feeling this morning?" She asks. "Shouldn't I be asking you that?" He retorts as both of his hands cup her belly. "Aaron." She states in a tone that lets him know that she knows he's avoiding the question. "I don't know how to help him." He sighs and looks down at his feet. He doesn't want to cry in front of Jack, doesn't want to upset the boy even more. "It's okay to let him see you get emotional. Today is a sad day. He shouldn't have to say goodbye to his mother this young, but Hotch, what happened that day wasn't your fault." She reminds him.
He scoffs and shakes his head. She cups his cheeks with her palms, forcing him to look at her, "It's true. Jack doesn't blame you. I don't blame you. Haley doesn't blame you. The only one to blame from this is George Foyet, and thanks to you, he's gone for good." She reminds him. They hear Jack come running back in, "I'm ready!" The boy announces. Hotch kisses Emily's forehead and nods at the words she just spoke to him before looking at his son. I'm glad you're ready, Buddy, cause I am not.
By the time they arrive to the funeral home to get in the hearse and ride over to the ceremony, the rain had stopped, covering the grass in dew and wet leaves. Rossi, Anderson, Will, Morgan, Kevin, and Haley's cousin are the pallbearers as he walks with his hand linked with Jack's and his other arm twined with Emily's. JJ, Garcia, and Reid follow closely behind them until they're at the spot that's been reserved for Haley and her casket is set on the platform that will lower it to the ground. "Aaron Hotchner would like to say a few words."
Emily gives him a reassuring smile before she lays her hands on Jack's shoulders and Hotch steps forward, pulling out his note cards. "W. S. Gilbert wrote, 'It's love that makes the world go round.' And, if that's true, then the world spun a little faster with Haley in it. Haley was my best friend when we were in high school. We certainly had our struggles, but if there's one thing we agreed on unconditionally, it was our love and commitment to our son, Jack. Haley's love for Jack was joyous and fierce. That fierceness is why she isn't here today."
The tears well up in Emily's eyes as one of Jack's tiny hands reach up to lay on hers that still rests on his shoulder. JJ's tears stream down her cheeks while Garcia does the same and tries to hide it by nuzzling into Kevin's side. "A mother's love is an unrivaled force of nature, and we can all learn much from the way Haley lived her life. Haley's death causes each of us to stop and take stock of our lives. To measure who we are and what we've become." Hotch continues his speech with a stoic voice.
"I don't have all those answers for myself, but I know who Haley was. She was the woman who died protecting the child we brought into this world together, and I will make sure that Jack grows up knowing who his mother was and how she loved and protected him and how much we all loved her. If Haley were with us today, she would ask us not to mourn her death, but to celebrate her life. She would tell us-," Emily watches the man she loves falter before delivering the rest of his speech which she knew was the hardest for him to get through after watching him breakdown during the many times he rehearsed it.
"She would tell us to love our families unconditionally and to hold them close, because in the end, they are all that matter. I met Haley at the tryouts of our high school's production of 'The Pirates of Penzance,' I found our copy of the play and was looking through it the other night, and I came upon a passage that seemed appropriate for this moment:
"Oh, dry the glistening tear
That dews that martial cheek.
Thy loving children hear,
In them thy comfort seek.
With sympathetic care
Their arms around thee creep,
For, oh, they cannot bear
To see their father weep."
He watches the team place the white roses upon Haley's casket as her family does the same. Emily steps forward and lays her rose down before leaning down to kiss Jack's cheek and then Hotch's, "I'll give you two a moment. I'll be with the team." She whispers. Hotch grabs her hand before she can go too far, "Stay, please." He begs. She sees the sincerity in his eyes and nods, but steps off to the side to still give the father and son a moment.
Aaron lifts Jack into his arms as they both place white roses down. "Blow Mommy a kiss." He tells his son. Jack kisses the palm of his hand before blowing it towards the casket. Jack clings to his father as they remain still for a few moments as the cars load up and the guests begin making their way to the reception part of the funeral. Once Jack lays his head on Hotch's shoulder, he turns and locks eyes with Emily. He nods and she steps forward as they wrap their arms around each other.
With his arm around her waist and hers around his, they make their way to the hearse which drives them to the location of the rest of the service. "I'm going to greet the guests with Jessica, could you stay with Jack and make sure he eats?" He asks once they arrive. She nods, "Of course. I love you." She whispers as she takes Jack from his arms and settles him on her hip. "I love you too." He leans forward and kisses her cheek and the back of Jack's head.
Emily walks over to the table of food and sets Jack down, "Let's get some food, Sweet Boy." She whispers and Jack nods as he rubs his eyes with tiredness. She grabs each of them a plate, "Okay, what looks good, Handsome?" She asks. She puts everything that Jack points at on his plate before she loads her's up. JJ shoots up and grabs Jack's plate from her which she gives her an appreciative smile for as she holds her plate in on hand and grabs Jack's hand with her other to guide him to their table. Once she sets their food down, she looks at Jack.
"Stay here, Buddy, I'm going to go find an extra chair." She says and begins to move, but Jack grabs the edge of her dress, "Wanna sit with you." He insists. Emily's heart shatters as she can sense the fear in Jack's voice that she's going to disappear one day too. She just nods and sits down before lifting him onto her lap as they eat in silence with the rest of the group. "It was a beautiful service." Reid finally speaks up, unable to sit in silence for too long. "Hotch's speech was perfect." JJ adds. Emily nods.
"He worked really hard on it. He wanted to make sure he captured Haley's essence perfectly." Emily explains. "Jack! Come sit over here with us!" Haley's father, Roy, calls over to the young boy. Jack shakes his head, "Wanna stay with Emily, Grandpa." Jack insists. "Jack-," "Roy, leave the boy be." Haley's mother, Eileen, insists. Roy sighs and shakes his head. Emily isn't popular amongst Haley's family members, neither is Aaron really, and she hates the tension it creates for Jack. Especially on a day like today. "You can go sit with Grandma and Grandpa if you'd like, Jack. It wouldn't upset me." She assures him.
Jack shakes his head fiercely as his eyes feel with tears, "I want to stay with you." His lip trembles as he begins to sniffle. She rubs his back, "Shhhh. It's okay, Sweet Boy. You can stay here. Shhhh." She soothes as he turns his face into her chest. She presses several kisses to the top of his head as her gaze finds Aaron. She nods off his concern as he continues greeting people, "I think I'm going to go check on Hotch." Rossi says. Emily mouths 'thank you' to him as he stands and nods.
"I think you could use some air." Dave says after he got two glasses of scotch from the bar. Hotch gazes back over at Emily and Jack, "Jack's okay. He's with his Emily. I think he'll probably fall asleep soon." Rossi assures him. Hotch looks over at Jessica who smiles and nods, encouraging him to step away and take a break. Hotch follows Rossi out to the balcony. Before they make it there, Hotch leans down to whisper his plans to Emily. She nods, "We'll be here. He's asleep and I'd like to try and keep him that way for as long as possible." Emily says as she looks down at the sleeping boy in her arms.
Hotch nods and kisses her forehead then Jack's and leaves them to take a few minutes with Rossi. "What do we do?" Garcia asks, feeling useless. "There's nothing we can do. We just gotta wait him out." Morgan answers. "You think he'll ever come back?" Reid wonders, "Would you?" JJ points out. "He'll come back. I just don't know what he's gonna look like when he does." Morgan says confidently. "We just need to be there for him when he's ready."
"Speaking of that, I officially put in to start my maternity leave. I know it's early, but with all of this, Aaron and I agree that it's best Jack not be without one of us right now. And, if he does go back to work before I have the baby, then I can be with Jack 24/7 for the next several months." Emily explains to them. They all nod, "We understand. We're going to miss having you around, though." JJ says, "Until the baby is born and we get new pictures every ten minutes!" Garcia says excitedly, somehow still finding the light in the darkest of situations.
Emily smiles and looks down at Jack whose now cradled in her arms like a baby. She leans down and kisses his forehead, getting a whiff of his children's shampoo. Morgan's phone rings, "They can't be calling us in, not tonight." He says. JJ pulls her phone out, "I'm on it." "We can't go." Garcia insists. Morgan sighs and closes his phone before throwing his napkin down angrily, "We have to. I'll get Rossi." He says and stands to make his way out. "Talk to Strauss, tell her to send another team." Reid tells JJ.
The blonde liaison just shrugs, "There's no other team available. Nashville's calling us in. Second body in two weeks, both killed on consecutive Friday nights. They realize they're up against the clock and they're hoping we might find something they didn't." JJ briefs them. "Aaron will understand, you guys." She assures them. They all stand as Morgan approaches them with Rossi close behind after filling Hotch in. "Take care of them and yourself and the little one. Let us know if you need anything." JJ says. Emily nods and refocuses her attention to the little boy in her arms.
Once the team is gone, Hotch makes his way over to his girlfriend and son, "How's he doing?" He asks, "He's out like a light. I think the long nights have been catching up to him." Emily says as she traces the slope of Jack's nose with her index finger. Jack had been sleeping with them ever since they got him back to the house. The four year old would wake up multiple times in the middle of the night crying and either calling out for one of them or his mother after a terrible dream of the nightmare he lived through.
"Let some more people clear out of here and we'll take him home." Hotch assures her. "Aaron, Emily, I'm going to get Mom and Dad home. They need to rest, but if you want, I can stop by tomorrow and help out with Jack and unloading his stuff from Haley's." Jessica offers. Hotch nods, "That would be great. Thank you, Jessica." Hotch says. She nods and places a hand on Hotch's shoulder before smiling at Emily who returns the smile. True to his word, once the venue is half full, he takes Jack from her arms and helps her stand before they say their goodbyes and make their way home.
"Should I try to put him in his own bed?" Hotch asks once they make it though the front door. Emily slips her heels off and hangs up her coat and purse, "No, I don't want him freaking out if he wakes up in the middle of the night." She insists. Hotch nods and carries Jack upstairs where he changes the sleeping boy into pajamas before laying him down in his and Emily's bed. In their bathroom, he finds her removing her makeup and brushing out her hair.
He steps up behind her and kisses her shoulder, "Thank you for being solid today." He whispers. She leans back against him and grabs onto his wrists with her hands, "Of course, Honey. I'll always be whatever you need me to be." She whispers. She turns in his arms and presses a swift kiss to his lips before he helps her out of her dress and she slips on one of his t-shirts and some of his sweatpants, "I'm just going to change and I'll join you two." He assures her as she leaves the bathroom to curl up with Jack in their bed. Once he's changed and steps out of the bathroom, he can't help but let out a small smile at the sight of Emily and Jack huddled together in bed.
The days pass by in a blur as the team is gone. Jessica comes by and helps by cooking them dinner while Strauss also stops by and offers Aaron full retirement. It's something he and Emily talk about that night after settling Jack into bed. "How do you feel about it?" She asked. "Jack knows that I catch bad guys. What message would I be sending if I quit now?" He asked. "I'm always in your corner, Aaron. Whatever you decide." She whispered. That's how he finds himself sitting in front of Haley's lot placement that he's only able to know as her's because of the small tag sticking up from the ground that's got her name written on it until her headstone gets delivered and set in place. "I had a feeling I'd find you here." Rossi says as he walks up behind him. "Have you told her yet?" Rossi asks nodding towards where Haley rests. "Told her what?" Hotch asks, wondering if the original profiler could tell the decision he's made. "That you're coming back. That fighting the bad guys is too important." Rossi says. They stay in silence for a few minutes, "I don't have to tell her. She already knows." He assures Rossi and they both continue to gaze on in silence.

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared what lies within us." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Part 19! Comment please! Let me know what you think, this one wasn't as episode heavy because I really wanted to tune in and focus on what was going through Hotch's, Emily's, and even Jack's mind during this episode, specifically Haley's funeral! I'm so sorry I didn't get to the double update, I will make it up by posting Part 20 on Thursday (07/11)!