What we Used to Be

01 - Lucy

After all the battles I've fought in and all the hardships I've overcome, I'm going to die from being suffocated by an overweight blue cat sleeping on my face.

"Happy," my voice comes out muffled. "Please get off of my face before I die."

"But I'm sleepy, and your face is just so comfortable," he sighs dreamily. "Like a soft, fluffy, huge pillow."

"I'm going to ignore the fact that you just called me huge. Why don't you go sleep on Natsu's face? Why does it have to be mine? You know you live with him, right?"

"Lucy, please shut up, I'm trying to go to sleep here. Besides, Natsu's hanging out with Lisanna tonight while Mira has her super top secret discussions with Master and Elfman goes on his super top secret date with Evergreen."

Mira was totally just hanging out with Laxus and using Master as an excuse to do it. I can't wait to ask her all about it tomorrow at the guild hall.

But, I can't blame Happy. He's been coming over a lot more recently than in the years past since the Grand Magic Games. I wonder what's going on for Natsu to flake on him so much.

Before the games, him and Natsu were always in my apartment, but after, it's been a while since either of them visited. I guess Happy was just as conflicted on what to do once Natsu and I weren't close anymore as much as the rest of the guild was. After all, him and Natsu were a pair. Maybe breaking in to my apartment alone just didn't feel the same to him. 

"Can you please at least get off of my face?" I plead with him. "You are seriously cutting off my air flow!"

"No."

This fat cat has some nerve.

--

Eventually, Happy was asleep enough for me to move him on to my bed. I glance over at the snoozing kitty, wishing I was asleep, too, but my mind was turning and all I could think about was Natsu. 

Sighing, I got up and walked over to my desk, taking out my diary to write to Mom. 

It's been three years since the Grand Magic Games, Mom. Two since Natsu and I stopped talking. Every year, I miss him more than the last. He used to be my everything; my best friend, my partner, my guildmate. The boy I was in love with. My heart aches for him, Mom. I miss him. 

For that brief period of time when he dated Lisanna, I knew I had to stay away. Lisanna deserved better than me pretending to be happy for her. I guess was just...too far away from him by the time they broke up. And when that happened, I finally decided to get over my heartbreak and go for someone else. But that didn't end up great, Akio and I broke up just a couple months later.

Going on jobs with Team Natsu now is so different, it hurts. Natsu and I are just mutual acquaintances now. My soul misses him. I've gotten so much stronger over the past few years, but I lost my greatest strength.

Maybe I'm just extra emotional today, considering today's the anniversary of the first time I met Natsu. But I know that's not true. I feel his loss every second of every day. I remember how excited he used to be to celebrate today, always telling me it turned out to be the most important day of his life. 

We used to talk nonstop, and now I barely even say hi to him anymore. I just don't know what to do. Am I willing to go back to how we used to be, knowing how it hurt me the first time? I wish you were here with me, Mom, I really need you and Dad right now. 

I blink away the tears and look over at Michelle, her beautiful, smiling face, wistfully remembering the old times with Team Natsu and how Natsu always fought his hardest to protect me and my feelings. 

Maybe if I didn't distance myself, I would still have my best friend. But I know I did the right thing. Being that close to Natsu when I was head over heels in love with him and he was in a happy relationship with Lisanna would've been a betrayal to both of them. I had to step away from that friendship, if only to save myself from the heartache of seeing them together all the time. 

It's time I forget what we used to be and move on. Natsu and I, we're a thing of the past. It's useless to reminisce now and cause more grief to myself. I bet he doesn't even remember what today is anymore. 

Opening a window, I wipe my tears and gaze at the stars, counting them. Some would say it's an impossible task, there's too many and they're all too similar to ever be able to total completely. But when you really look at them, you can see the little differences between each and every star. One star might dance differently, and another shine a little brighter. You just have to look close enough. Just like people.

Knowing the stars were always looking down at me was a comforting thought. Enough to turn my mind off and lull me to sleep with their lullaby.

---

A/N: to be very clear, i only made Lisanna and Natsu have a romantic relationship because of the song and not because i perceive them to be anything but platonic from the anime. same with Lucy, i just made up a random guy (very irrelevant to everything) because of the the ending song ("You and him, me and her")