The Things You Never Know I Wanted to Say

ifs and whys

so many "ifs" and "whys"

on a rainy Friday night

reminiscing how you held me tight.

on a cold, dark night under the moonlight.

as i buried myself into the warmth of the blanket, i asked myself,

"if love is patient, why'd she leave?

and if love is kind, why do i bleed?

if love isn't rude, why is she cold?

and if love isn't hateful, why'd she despise me?

for not being the person she wanted me to be?"

as tears ran down my cheeks,

i did not know what to seek.

or who to speak to.

for a moment, i felt helpless.

i was lost.

in the depths of unsaid thoughts,

and there, in the midst of unanswered questions—

"if i were what she wanted me to be, would she have changed her mind and kept me?"