teenage nightmare ² ━━ amour

32.

32.
chapter thirty-two:
with my
Pikachu.

I decided to feign being asleep as soon as I got on the bus. I didn't want to talk to anyone—not my friends, not even her.

I faintly heard May whispering to Misty. Perhaps she was chiding me for my failure. When nature itself could find a way to mock me, why couldn’t ordinary humans? That has been the case everywhere I went, for everything I did, every time I was just there.

The trip seemed too long, stretched out. I was shaken 'awake' by Misty this time. After being miserable the entire evening, I felt an ephemeral peace when I took a shower in the dormitories. The long, luxurious soak had calmed my aching muscles and errant feelings.

Again, I retreated to my sanctuary—the bunk bed—without saying a word to anyone, without dinner. For once in my life, my mental health weighed down my appetite.

I didn't know when I cried myself to sleep. All I knew was, I was back in Pallet, surrounded by numerous children—bullies.

"Ketchum, is it? You must love the name!"

"Of course he does. That's the only proof of his daddy."

"Yeah, and his mummy doesn’t care enough to tell him her stories—"

"No, stop!" I found myself shouting, throwing my hands to my ears. "Stop it!"

"Listen up! Ketchum wants us to stop!"

"The fault’s not ours! Go blame your father for it! This whole town despises you and your mother!"

"What do you want me to do if you hate us?!"

"Kill yourself!"

My eyes shot open, but everything was dark. I could barely hear anything except my rapid breathing. I turned to my side, grabbed my Pikachu, and pulled it toward my heart. It was inanimate, just as everything close to me was, but its fur was a comfort nonetheless.

It took me several moments to calm down and not dwell on the nightmare. It was vivid and clear, unlike most good dreams, and I so desperately wanted to forget it, forget the faces, forget the words…

My morning was dull. I didn’t text Serena or talk to anyone.

Since we had a day off to recover from fatigue, I woke up early, freshened up, and had a quick breakfast, after which I returned to my bed to plan things out. I had my soccer captaincy tryouts just a few days from now. I added getting back in shape and doing a few laps around Lumiose to my to-do list. I decided to start the process as early as possible.

My itinerary consisted of going for a morning jog around Lumiose Park and then doing laps in the evening, after school. I could always get back to my exercise schedule later.

My phone buzzed with notifications as I was packing my bag for the workout session. Nonchalantly, I read through the pop-ups:

Serena <3: Good morning, Ash! Guess you're still asleep. You seemed really tired yesterday… But if you're awake, do you wanna join me for breakfast at the long tables? I heard they're serving sweet plums and huge grapes among other things. :p

Gar-Bear: Man, where the heck are you? I've been looking for you since morning!

Mist: Breakfast, Ash? Brock and I are waiting!

There were other messages in the group chat. I pushed them aside, switched off my phone, threw it into my bag, and headed downstairs.

Since I wouldn’t be taking my car, I had to get off the lift at the ground floor, where I unexpectedly met someone I didn’t want to meet: Calem. "Oh, Ash! Good morning!" he greeted.

"Good morning."

"If I may ask, where are you headed?"

I groaned inwardly. "To the park."

"Cool! I heard Serena was looking for you. She didn’t contact you?" His tone was cautious, as if he knew the reason for the sudden change in my dynamics.

"My phone’s dead," I lied. "Been that way since yesterday. Surely, she would have told you?"

Calem scratched his cheek. "Oh, well, she doesn’t tell me everything like you think. She just wanted to know your whereabouts, and that message was posted in our friends group."

She was part of her friends group then? Well, what do you know? More secrets unraveled.

"I see."

The boy began jogging in place. "Alright, mate. Gotta get goin'! Catch ya later!"

"Bye."

Glad to be rid of human presence, I made my way to Lumiose Park. It was a block away from school and was rather easy to locate. People all around me buzzed with chatter as the first rays of the sun hit us. Some were bustling about—heading to their workplaces, dropping their kids off at school, buying stuff from the market—while others simply caught up with their friends.

I, on the other hand, decided to zone out. When you're alone, you think things through better. I didn’t expect myself to be a fool and forget the biggest details of each of my relationships.

Stubborn as I am, I was one hell of a ride to love. What hurt the most was that nobody—and I mean nobody—ever asked me how I was doing. Everyone was so caught up in their own lives at this point, Mum and Serena included. They just didn’t care how I dealt with my shortcomings.

It just proved true when she didn’t even bother sending a goodnight text yesterday.

I reached the park and got into my sports shoes. I’d be doing laps today, since I didn’t have to go to college.

The only reason I got into college was my mother’s insistence. Whether she genuinely wanted me to learn (which hasn’t been happening since fifth grade) or just wanted to get rid of me was a mystery. She barely called, and I was tired of speaking to her.

Who wouldn’t be when your mother is nothing but a shell of herself?

What’s she even depressed about? The townsfolk? Move out. Her runaway husband? Move on. Me? Let me go. I was a mistake either way.

Tears stung my eyes, and I quickened my pace to let the cold wind blow them away. Families were happily running the tracks. Couples, fathers and their children.

The harsh truth questioning my reality never stopped poking its nose into every blue day of mine: why is it that I never had the opportunity to live a normal life?

— 💌 —

Hey guys,
I have posted the new amour fic, and it's titled, “ perfect imperfections ”, so do make sure to check it out!

Thank you for reading!

Miyoko x