teenage nightmare ² ━━ amour

35.

35.
chapter thirty-five:
clearing the air
for fine
breathing.

"Hi there."

"Hey."

Serena slid into the seat facing me, a smile plastered on her face. But I could sense it was an unsure one.

"Um," she started, looking around as if searching for something or someone. "Where's Misty?"

The question caught me off guard, and I stuttered a reply. "Huh? Probably in the library?"

Serena nodded but didn't comment further. "So, what do you wanna talk about? Is it about a girl?"

The question took me by surprise again, and I felt my stomach churn with nerves. "How–?"

She shrugged. "Just a feeling. Anyway, before we talk about that, I just want to clear the air... between us." Huh? "You aren't mad, are you? About leaving you that day? The picnic day?" She looked so uncertain that I just wanted to hold her and—no, shut up!

"No, of course not." That wasn't my biggest problem at the moment. "I forgive you for that. Besides," I said guiltily, a lie forming in my mouth, "it wasn't that important."

Serena looked visibly relieved and relaxed for a second before tensing again. I wondered what was causing the swings in her mood. "Right. What was it?"

It took me a moment to realize what she was asking. When I did, I flushed. "There's this girl... that I adore, but I don't know if it's infatuation or love..."

She blinked twice, then leaned forward on the table. "Well, I'm no expert, but if it's infatuation, you only want to be near her, spend time with her, and stuff. But if it's... love," she paused, and her face fell, "then you'd want to know her better and be there for her..."

"What if she doesn't feel the same way?"

"Maybe if you tell her you like her, she might start noticing you." She regarded me with a guarded expression. "If you don't mind me asking, who is she?"

My heart skipped a beat, but I was still not clear on her answer. "Well, for starters, she's really pretty. She's got amazing hair, deep and mysterious eyes, and a gorgeous personality.

"She's super sweet and caring." She nodded, oblivious to the fact that she was the one being described. "But I—I haven't been able to spend much time with her alone lately, and I've been frustrated because I can't tell her how I feel. Every time I try, something stops me, and she doesn't make time for it."

Serena gave a tiny chuckle, the sound stirring butterflies in my stomach. "Is that why you asked me to differentiate between infatuation and love?"

"Yeah."

"Ash, you don't sound like you're infatuated at all. If you were, you wouldn't call her personality gorgeous. Attraction is when you're physically drawn to her, but loving her personality is a deeper feeling.

"And it's pretty normal to feel frustrated if you can't express yourself. Besides, I think you're being reasonable if she isn't making time to hear you out."

I realized with a jolt of excitement that I had been framing the question wrong all along. I wasn't frustrated about not spending time with her. I was mad because the circumstances never let me tell her what I actually felt, and she wouldn't stay long enough to listen.

"What if I want her attention so badly?"

Serena looked wistful. "Mhm, maybe you just want to spend time with her. You did say you wanted to confess, so it's natural that you want her to pay attention."

I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. "So... I'm not a bad guy, right?"

Serena shook her head, wearing a small smile. "No, of course not. If the boy I liked didn't listen to my feelings despite me trying to tell him over and over again, I'd feel frustrated too. Maybe at him for not giving me a chance, and mostly at the situation for not letting me."

The boy she liked?

"You have a crush?" I asked, trying to sound casual as I leaned back in my chair. Serena flushed, then shook her head vigorously.

"Forget what I said!"

"Okay?" I agreed. I didn't want to upset her.

"But what if she isn't confiding in me the way I am in her?"

Serena was amazing. She always seemed to have an answer ready. "Ash, some people don't like to share everything about their lives, even with someone they like. It might be because of past betrayals or just shyness. It would be wrong to push her further."

I nodded, and an awkward silence fell over us. I considered telling her then how I harbored genuine feelings for her, but the thought disappeared when she stood up.

"Alright. I guess I should... get going. Enjoy your time!" She reached across the table and took hold of my hand, giving me a warm smile that made something in my chest purr with delight. Then, just as suddenly, she withdrew and hurried out of my sight, taking the warmth with her.

A minute later, Misty replaced her. "Well, seems like you've been spending time with her." She narrowed her turquoise eyes at me, suspiciously. I threw my hands up in surrender, a smile tugging at my lips.

"Yeah, and it helped me figure out some things. I've been framing my question wrong the whole time. I’m not frustrated about not spending time with her; I’m upset because I can’t tell her how I feel. It’s not her lack of response that bothers me, it’s her not 'giving me an ear,'" I explained, quoting Serena.

Misty frowned. "Doesn't make sense?"

I sighed and started my explanation. "She's been spending time with me, sure, but each time I try to tell her I adore her, it's like fate doesn't want me to, and something always gets in the way! I guess I bottled up that frustration and lost it yesterday."

Misty raised an eyebrow. "So you've been mad at your own helplessness and blamed her for it?"

"More or less."

She sighed. "Oh, Ash. You really need to learn how to use the right words."

"I just couldn't describe it, you know..."

She looked too amused for my liking. "Anyway, when are you planning to spill?"

I felt my cheeks burn. With steely determination, I admitted, "Today."