Moon of Misfortunes

37

I freeze. Surely, I misheard her.

"What," I question, frowning.

"You're pregnant, we just checked your urine. We will check your blood to confirm, but we are pretty sure," she says smiling. The words hit me like a tidal wave. I sit there, stunned, as the reality sinks in.

"Pregnant?" I echo, my voice barely above a whisper.

Dr. Share nods, a warm smile on her face. "Congratulations, Adaline. How do you feel about this?"

"I... I don't know," I admit. "I need to process this."

"That's perfectly normal. It's a lot to take in," she says reassuringly. "We'll schedule a follow-up appointment to ensure everything is progressing well.

"I don't think I'm pregnant," I rush out, causing her expression to level off into neutral.

"How about this, I can do an ultrasound right now and we can find out," she says. I nod in response, my heart pounding in my chest.

She steps out of the room for a second before wheeling in the machine. I instinctively pull my shirt up, revealing my stomach to her. She quickly gels the probe and applies it to my stomach. She drags it around a few times, stopping it on one spot. She grins.

"You're pregnant," she announces, turning the screen to face me. "I'm shocked you're not really showing. You're fairly far along."

"How far along?" I ask, almost catatonic.

"When was your last period?" she questions. I freeze, my mind racing.

"It's been a while. Before I was in here last time. I, uh... lost the twins while I was away and I met Rubio. I don't recall ever getting a period while I was there or after," I stammer out.

"When was that? When did you lose your last pregnancy?" she clarifies. I sigh, shakily rubbing my face with my hands.

"Early spring, maybe? I'm not sure on the exact time, but around the time Nikolai marked someone else," I say, causing her to pause. "I was sexually active a week or so after."

She nods, her gaze not holding any judgment. "I'm assuming you got pregnant around then. You appear to be about 18 or so weeks along."

She presses a button, printing out the ultrasound and offering it to me. I hesitantly accept it, staring at the image in disbelief.

"Can you keep this between us for now?" I request, my voice monotone. She nods, frowning a little bit.

"Of course," she confirms. "Is everything alright? You seem... apathetic. I'm a little concerned."

"I have a hard time accepting that this is real. That I'll actually have this baby. It's never worked in the past. I've learned it's better to not even get my hopes up."

Her frown deepens at my admission. "I want you to see a therapist about that. You dissociating is not the answer to this. I know this has been hard for you, but it's okay to talk to someone."

"Do I have to?" I wave her off, as if I'm ridding the air of her suggestion.

"I suppose not, but I really want you to. I'll put the referral in," she answers. "It's your choice to pursue those services, but I strongly suggest that you do."

She stands up from her stool and cleans the gel from my stomach. I just stare at the ultrasound picture at the outline of the pup; it doesn't spark any emotion in me at all.

Once she's done, I pull my shirt down and sit up. She washes her hands for a few seconds.

"Please consider the therapy, Adaline. We'll talk soon," she closes before leaving the room. I stuff my ultrasound image into my pocket, feeling numb and disconnected.