No one could deny that now Alaz was a different person. He knew his truth , the definite truth. Asi bloomed into his life when he was getting wasted on brain-killing habits and she had managed to completely transform Alaz's being , only with a look. Now he felt that his life was worst than it was before meeting Asi, and during those 3 months he did nothing but reflect on what he had done to her and regretted every word to death.
She was right. She could live without him , she didn't have anyone by her side since the begging anyways...but Alaz, that's another story. He now was only a breathing corpse and barely felt his heart beating to its full potential. The crazy amount of attachment to Asi emotionally, physically, and romantically made him feel worthy of a good life, worthy of truly being a good person and worthy of being loved. At the moment she wasn't there though and that lead to Alaz becoming Asi's extension.
The thought of her is what was keeping him on trying to breathe deeper and deeper.
What shattered his heart to millions of pieces even more is that, there could've been a possibility for them to be a family .. ONLY IF HE HADN'T SAID THOSE GODDAMN THINGS TO HER THAY DAY.
...He would've woken up everyday next to her presence, he would've breathed her scent in every morning and he would've stared at their baby until it fell asleep.
The moldy house was now his comfort zone, was his Asi zone, the only place we would feel a little bit better, not better. Çağla visited him the most as she was the only person he could confess himself to. He didn't allow anyone else besides her to visit him, his twin was all he needed on his side.Neslihan would rarely get a good night's sleep from the worry she had for Alaz's state. He categorally refused to keep in touch with anyone except his sister.
He often was ready to go and search for her in different cities, states also if it was needed, but he had no idea how to or who to go to as she seemed to have vanished from the face of earth... or from the face of Alaz shall we say. But even if he did find her, he was aware that things could never be the same as before, he didn't deserve her in the past , neither he deserves her now.
"If it would've been a girl, we'd name her Ece" he once told to Çağla as he was crying his heart out in her arms. When Asi went away, she thought that she would've kept in touch with her in someway, but Asi had decided that no contact was for the better.
The lack of Asi was slowly killing him not only mentally but also physically.Whole days would go without any trace of food in his stomach and he couldn't care less.Çağla never told Neslihan this fact as she didn't want to sadden the woman even more.
"Will she ever come back,Çağla?She's my only love,my only happiness.I need her Çağla."
