Asi immediately took steps back as she noticed him staring at her belly.
"Alaz, fuck off from here or I'll scream in the middle of the street and everyone will gather here!"
Alaz was still in a shock state and couldn't move even a millimeter as his attention was at Asi's belly.
"Are you not listening to me? FUCK OFF!"
She screamed.
Her scream was enough to bring him back to earth and leave, as Asi's was hoping .But he didn't meet her expectations. He didn't leave. He couldn't connect any dots in his brain to even form a decent phrase but what he knew best at that moment was that he shouldn't leave. He can't leave her...and their baby.He mustn't leave them. His eyes starting dropping tears as he realized and thought out loud:
"I shouldn't have left you...our baby-"
-"There is no 'our baby'. This is my baby.Only mine. Don't you dare mention it again."
"Asi,please listen to me! I-"
-"There is nothing to listen to, Alaz!Im telling you for the last time,go away! I don't want you here!"
There was not an argument he could bring up in this situation as Asi was right about everything she said.He had left them back then..and now everything was hitting him like heave rocks on his head.Asi hadn't aborted their baby.. He got lost in his thought.
What was he supposed to do now?
Apologize? Like Asi would ever accept it -he thought to himself. And she was right..again. He didn't deserve to be forgiven for what he had done to her..them.
He had left her alone at her most vulnerable moment, meanwhile not for a second did she think of leaving him after all the crappy things he did to her and after whatever he experienced.She loved him with her whole.So did he. But he never had felt worthy of anyone love.Especially Asi's love.This lack of self-esteem against the idea of being loved and wanted had made him do things he should have never done to the person who loved him only, who loved him most and who loved him unconditionally.
When reality snapped hack,he saw that Asi wasn't standing in front of him anymore. Like she had vanished out of thin air. Her head was a mess. She had got in a taxi and was being driven home.Her eyes were tearing rivers of water and sadness but she was mature enough to not let herself break down completely infront of an unknown person.
She waited to go home.It was only a 5 minute ride, she payed the driver and went up the stairs to her apartment as fast as she could.
Asi broke down to her knees immediately as the door behind her was closed. She couldn't help but cry her heart out.
"Everything was going just fine!Why?Why would he reappear back in my life?? Oh,God!"She thought to herself.
She knew that crying and being sad over a piece of shit wouldn't get her anywhere so she decided to call Elif.
He had to leave the town.Right now.Or else she would go insane.
"Yes,Asi. Tell me!"
-"I came across Alaz today when I left work.Do something."
"God damn it!Asi, okay. I'll take care of it. I'm going to send an equip and deport him back to Istanbul.Please remain calm-"
Asi hung up.
Her brain and heart was a mess now.What would she do? What if he tries and enters her life for good again? Would she he able to handle that? Would she try to stop him from doing so or would she let herself live it knowing damn well it won't end up good? Because it's not like it was good before, why would it be good now?
How could it he good now that she isn't alone but she carries a baby in her belly?
Asi had always wanted a family with Alaz,deep deep down, still wanted a family. But after what had happened between them, she didn't want a family for herself anymore, she wanted a decent family for her daughter. She didn't want to raise her daughter without the other parent and.. even if he wouldn't accept her, just let her know she has someone to call a father.
She had always seen what type of man Alaz was, and she still tried to hope for the good, still tried to keep him in straight lines because she thought he was worth living a good life, a healthy and loving life with her and their baby.
But the problem was Alaz not being able to see that.Not being able to recognize that Asi loved him more than she could love anyone else and even herself.He was too blind of family's problems and..you couldn't fully blame him either.He never got to be loved.He only loved.And he loved Asi.Like only he could love her.But the idea of her giving him love back was strange to him.Little Alaz was hiding somewhere in him, deep down in his heart.
Little Alaz needed to be loved, wanted to be loved.But the man Alaz came out to be, thought it was best to bury little Alaz somewhere not to be seen or heard and decided to carry on his life with an impactful lack, the lack of love.Real love.Unconditional love.The love little Alaz deserved.
Asi could uncode Alaz's almost unexplainable feelings, only with a look.And Alaz was scared of that.
Asi knew Alaz better than Alaz knew himself.Because Alaz denied himself but Asi not for a moment did she think of giving up Alaz, because their relationship was more than a romantic attachment, their loved each other on a human level.
From their life experiences, Alaz and Asi both knew that live like this rarely occurs to people in life. But know that it had happened to them, they knew they couldn't leave it to fall to pieces without even developing decently in the first place
But they had let it crumble to pieces and each of them was now hurting from it on his own.
Asi was hurting.She could feel this sensation deep in her heart and her impulse had been affected by this emotion.She was hurting with a baby inside her.
Alaz was hurting.His feelings had got so intense to the point where he felt numb.He was still hanging to the hope of trying to be with Asi again.
And this time with a baby by their side.Their baby.She hadn't aborded it.
He never wanted her to abord it anyways.It was all he ever desired but thought was incapable of handling.A family with her.That baby would only do Alaz good.It would give him a reason to grab into life and never let go again.It would learn him the essence of life,love.
But what if the way he loved wouldn't do their baby any good? Asi already had fallen a victim of his. What was that baby's fault? It doesn't deserve a father like Alaz.Another Taklacı.
This thought still haunts him to this day.
He had denied himself love because he couldn't be able to love himself first.How could she love Asi and their baby properly?
"Maybe..I should just go.As she said."
He thought.
But..he was already there.So close to her.Only a car ride of a few minutes could take him to her and their baby.
Could he give up this easily?No.
So he didn't give up.
"I have nothing to lose and everything to win." That was what motivated him to regain Asi.And now he had to regain her and their baby.
He knew he had to do it.
If he failed again this time to be a proper lover to Asi and a proper father to their baby, he would literally just end himself without thinking it twice.
His essence was gone without them anyways.What was the point of wasting oxygen without a strong reason to live?
_________
Thank you to all the people who read these short chapters and vote for them.I started this out of thin air so I didn't expect much.These still remain really short but I will lengthen them with time.Let me know your opinion.Much love :)
