The Ruins Of Us

Starting To Unravel

Four days until the celebration, four days and the barracks were buzzing with anticipation. In the days since I'd seen Aleksi, I was appointed to the children, overseeing their chores for the celebration. They created flower crowns as well as hanging ornaments from twigs and string, all decorations came from the Earth. If this was a holiday in the old world they would've had pencils and paper, glitter and glue, stickers as well. In the new world, there was nothing manmade but it's all the same. It kept them distracted, it gave them something to look forward to.

"Mine looks terrible" Tilly huffed beside me, every flower missed a petal or many, no in between.

"It just takes practice" I encouraged.

"What's this all for anyway? It's so stupid"

"Don't say that, everyone's working hard" I reminded.

"What for though? This isn't Christmas, it isn't Easter or someone's birthday", I could feel her growing frustration. She did take after me. I wondered if she still would if Mum raised her.

"It's just for fun. Come on, just try again"

The encouragement only made Tilly puff out her cheeks, her expression sour. She said what I'd thought, knowing it all was pointless. Nothing about the celebration felt genuine, it was strictly for building morale.

"Who was that alien? The one before?" Tilly asked casually from the blue, I was quick to fix my hand over her mouth.

"None of your concern" I chastised. It was better for her to hate me than get hurt. Some secrets were lethal.

My hand slowly pulled from her face, "he didn't seem so bad" she pouted.

"They're all bad Tilly, you can't forget that"

"But he said he'd look after me, he can't be a bad alien"

My teeth ground together. Unlike Tilly, I knew it was a ruse, something to push her away and allow for our secret meeting. Aleksi was sly and she was too young to realise.

"Just don't let your guard down, they're dangerous", my voice remained low.

"Why don't you ever listen to me? What if I'm right and you're wrong?", Tilly's voice was just as small but full of emotion.

I could feel the incoming tantrum. It was brewing behind her teary eyes as they drowned in frustration.

"Because I'm the one who looks after you and I know best"

"You're only bossing me around because Jake's gone"

A pang shot through my heart. The mention of his name so clearly spoken reminded me of every regret. Each decision I paid for simmered with fury before ultimately giving way to a boiling self-hatred. I didn't bother to answer. It was immature but I couldn't always be her mother, sometimes I just wanted to be her sister. Giving her the cold shoulder spared us both; me, a hoarse voice and Tilly, an argument that'd brand her without a trace.

"What do you think happened to him?" She asked. I looked into her wide blue eyes filled with questions and curiosity. She wanted answers and in my position, I couldn't reassure her in any way.

In the cabin it was easy to explain why things happened and why things looked the way they did, everything was familiar. I was just as new to the lair as she was.

"Probably another camp with the men, he might be preparing for a celebration as well. We could be doing the same thing at the same time... almost like we're doing it together"

"Do you think he misses us?"

My heart clenched, "we miss him, don't we?". She nodded enthusiastically. "So he definitely misses us. I don't think anyone would miss my cooking though"