The Ruins Of Us

Out Of The Sun

The night was dark, as it always was: foreboding, lustful, loathing. But it bought one respite, there were no shadows in darkness, just a void where nothing could come. Nothing could go either and as I stood, hands to the wall, I pressed into the unshaven wooden panels hoping I would sink right through. I would melt the barrack wall with little more than a push and on the other side would be floral wallpaper with the smell of grass riding the gentle, summer wind. In my ears an echo of Tilly's laughter would carry across the hall and the distant sound of Jake's hands at work would ground me.

My hands pressed further, praying the dream would seep into reality. Splinters dug into my palms and from it, blood escaped through hot pricks against skin. Nothing would release me, not a single soul would free me from this dreadful torment. I was to remain.

I fought back the sardonic laughter, perhaps this was our karma. We had murdered that couple in cold blood, not a whisper entered our minds of pleading for mercy. We did not beg for charity, not for love, not to replace the parents we'd lost. We survived with brute force and with brute force my blood would be taken. My only solace was the hope Tilly and I would escape, with my sacrifice we could leave and find Jake, return to the place we once called home.

We grew in the dead zone but within those borders we were ghosts. If only I had not wandered out for water, if only I stayed put just as Jake said I should. Quietly, I pulled myself from the wall and crept to the sinks, the mirrors above revealing the reflection of a skinny, stubborn but weak girl who had nothing to her name but loss. That Dr. Vampir was right, Liv was too ironic of a name.

Dark circles now permanently marred my under eyes, my face had slimmed and whether it was from the stress or lack of food I couldn't recall. As a result, my blonde hair was limp and more lifeless than it'd ever been. I was becoming a stranger day by day, only the memories of before kept me tethered. Again and again I recalled my family's faces in quick succession, the deep snores of the women behind me keeping me at the mirror. But as I stared, slowly I could barely recognise the woman looking back. I ran, I abandoned, I forced my sister into their submission just like they'd done to me. Was I any better of a person?

On my collar bone the scar of my new name remained prominent. It was not a tattoo I could cover, pen I could scrub from my skin, it was a part of me. And soon, blood, a part of me would be running through the Vampirs Aleksi sold it to. I was lost, stretched too thin between too many elements.

"You are not sleeping" Ruth whispered from beside me and from the mirror I was pulled. My eyes turning to the older woman.

From her expression I could tell she could see through me, just as I had done. It didn't take long for a look of pity to ripple across the wrinkles in her face.

"I couldn't sleep",

"Nightmares?" She assumed too quickly.

My eyes flickered to the shadows that should be standing over her shoulder, her head shifted back before returning.

"You could call it something like that" I shook off.

"Most women here have nightmares, it's perfectly normal"

"I can't remember it being like that in the old world"

"Much has changed with the new world"

"It shouldn't have" I muttered.

"There are many things that shouldn't have changed, change isn't always for the better" Ruth tried to comfort.

"They made sure of that"

"They still patrol this late, it's best to remain quiet" she warned.

A low scoff of laughter escaped me, "they will hear anyway, it's in their nature"