The Ruins Of Us

A Monster's Name

Dinner was homemade, the elements brought together like a family meal cooked by a doting mother yet with the first spoonful, I assumed everyone could tell the difference- what was lacking. With my sister and brother gone I stirred the broth absentmindedly.

Each turn of the spoon sparked irrational intrusive thoughts to invade my mind until the steam curled above the bowl and shifted into nothing. Perhaps if I allowed it to cool down, Jake would snatch it from below my nose, chastising me for the waste. But no one did, no one would.

Instead I peeked up to Willow through my lashes. She enjoyed it how I would've weeks before, her smile wide as she shared about her day to a younger girl. Willow's carefree nature was abnormal although understandable, from the beginning a warmth, a fire, dazzled around her form and brightened the eyes of those she met. I had read of people like Willow with their infectious personality and ease of social ability. If anyone were to be the main character of a story it was her, not the orphan, the damned, the girl with damage. Protagonists had hope and while mine existed solely for my siblings, Willow's was carried in every fibre of her being.

"You good there green?" Ruth voiced from beside me, her elbow nudging my own. Almost like she was checking if I was still alive.

"As I'll ever be" I monotonously replied. It'd barely been a day, if not that and yet my grief remained, the wall caging us stared back at me like a taunt. A constant, sickly reminder.

"You'll heal, in time"

"There is no end, who knows what could happen, time means nothing now"

"With that self-pitying thought you'll never move on"

"Self-pitying? You don't find this pitiful? Look at us, look at where we are, look at what they've done-" I nodded to Ruth's exposed brands, "how dare you say that?"

"You think you're the only one's whose lost? As you said: look around. We're all just trying to get by"

"Doesn't mean we can't be upset, losing someone doesn't just go away because you could've had it worse"

"No, but it's because of that loss that we carry on. Thinking that we'll see them again" Ruth comforted.

Soon after another woman began nodding, Willow even reaching across to take my hand. It was a small gesture, one hardly lessened the ache in my chest yet when Willow squeezed, my eyes couldn't help but well up.

"Don't worry Liv, we're all in this together" Willow smiled, her eyes bright with faith. She squeezed my fingers one last time before returning to her food. When her warmth disappeared so did my building tears, the conversation still left me bitter but looking to the other women my loneliness lessened.

After lunch we returned to the laundry room, everyone much quieter with the food in our stomachs. Jake, Tilly and I would've definitely taken a rest to bask in the food coma but onwards we were forced. Where before my energy had been mindlessly spent talking to Willow, I could feel the ache in my shoulders and fingers without her. She was forced across the room while I worked beside the woman who interrupted us earlier. She was quite stoic, seemingly unaffected by the work and more so by the meaningless chatter that dwarfed the room.

Despite being in an enclosed place, humans continued to find entertainment in stories and gossip. We had not changed in that respect.

"NN4812!" A guttural voice called from the top of the stairs. We all paused, our fingers no longer scrubbing, bodies moving in sync with soft huffs as we processed the number.

The burn seemed to sear deeper into my collarbone, a phantom of pain spreading under my chest as my hands froze in place. Time seemed to stop in our little laundry room while all eyes remained fixed to me.