Abandoned Tracks

Chapter Twelve: Adrian's Diary -- 2

Alex’s eyes scanned the faded ink of Adrian’s diary, eager to uncover more about the connection that seemed to span decades. He turned the page, delving deeper into the intimate thoughts and emotions that Adrian had poured onto the paper.

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**June 10, 1971**

It’s been a few months since I first saw Ethan. The initial admiration I felt for him has deepened into something more profound, something I struggle to put into words. Watching him from afar, I've come to realize that my feelings are not just admiration—they are an unspoken bond that goes beyond mere affection.

It’s a quiet, unspoken bond. I dare not utter it, for fear that the very act of acknowledging it might cause it to vanish. I feel it every time I see him, a warmth that spreads through my chest, making my heart race and my hands tremble. But I keep it hidden, a secret that only this diary knows.

Ethan graduated today. The ceremony was grand, filled with laughter and celebration. He stood tall, receiving his diploma with that same charming smile that has captivated me from the beginning. As he walked across the stage, my heart ached with a bittersweet realization. I have three more years of study ahead of me, but Ethan’s journey here has ended. He will move on to greater things, while I remain here, tethered to this place by my studies.

Watching him from the crowd, I felt a deep sadness mixed with pride. Sadness, because I knew our paths would no longer cross as frequently. Pride, because I knew he was destined for greatness. My feelings for him have grown into something so profound, so consuming, that I can’t imagine my life without this secret bond.

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**August 1, 1971**

Ethan comes from a very affluent family. His father, Richard Blackwood, is a well-respected lawyer, known for his integrity and sharp mind. He’s the kind of man who commands respect the moment he enters a room. Ethan’s elder brother, Michael, has followed in their father’s footsteps and is already making a name for himself in the legal world.

Ethan’s sister, Eliza, is about to start her college journey. She’s vibrant and full of life, much like Ethan. Their mother, Margaret, has a background in art history and runs a successful gallery in downtown Charleston. She’s a woman of refined tastes and an eye for beauty, traits that seem to have passed on to her children.

Learning about Ethan’s family only deepened my admiration for him. It’s clear that he comes from a lineage of remarkable people, and he embodies the best of all their qualities. His kindness, intelligence, and charm are not just products of his upbringing but are innate parts of who he is.

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**October 5, 1971**

I’ve become an expert at observing without being seen. I often find myself watching Ethan from a distance, my heart swelling with unspoken emotions. Every glance, every fleeting moment of eye contact, fills me with a warmth that I can’t quite describe.

He frequents the same café where I spend my afternoons. I sit at a corner table, pretending to read, while my eyes follow his every move. He has a way of making even the simplest actions seem significant. The way he laughs, the way he gestures when he talks, the way his eyes light up when he’s passionate about something—all of it leaves me spellbound.

There’s a park near campus where he likes to jog. I go there in the early mornings, just to catch a glimpse of him as he passes by. The sight of him, hair damp with sweat, determination etched on his face, fills me with a sense of contentment that nothing else can.

I’ve memorized his schedule, knowing when and where I might see him. It might sound obsessive, but it’s the only way I know how to keep this feeling alive. The moments I spend watching him, feeling his presence even from afar, are the highlights of my day.

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**November 12, 1971**

I can’t describe this feeling. It’s a mixture of joy and longing, warmth and ache. Every time I see Ethan, my heart feels like it’s both soaring and breaking. It’s a strange paradox, this bond that fills me with such happiness and yet such sadness.

I’ve taken to writing poetry in an attempt to capture what I feel, but words seem inadequate. How do you describe the way your heart skips a beat when the person you care for walks into the room? How do you put into words the way their smile can brighten even your darkest days?

Ethan doesn’t know I exist in this way. To him, I’m just another face in the crowd, another student at the College of Charleston. But to me, he’s everything. He’s the reason I wake up in the morning with a smile, the reason I go to bed with dreams of a life I’ll never have.

Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to talk to him, to share my thoughts and feelings. But then I remind myself that it’s better this way. This bond, as silent and unspoken as it is, brings me more joy than any other relationship I’ve ever had. It’s pure, untouched by the complications of reality.

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**December 25, 1971**

Christmas has always been a lonely time for me. My family isn’t particularly close, and the holidays are often just another day on the calendar. But this year, something changed.

Ethan’s family hosted a grand Christmas party, and through the window of my small apartment, I watched as their house came alive with laughter and celebration. The warmth and light from their home spilled out into the night, a beacon of joy in the cold, dark winter.

I stood there, watching from a distance, and for a moment, I felt like I was part of it. Ethan was there, of course, looking every bit as perfect as always. He mingled with guests, his laughter ringing out like music. I imagined what it would be like to be there with him, to share in that joy, to be part of his world.

But I know my place. I am an observer, a silent admirer. And that’s enough for me. As long as I can see him, as long as I can feel his presence, I can endure the loneliness. His light is enough to brighten even my darkest days.

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Alex closed the diary, his heart heavy with the weight of Adrian’s words. The bond Adrian felt for Ethan was profound, deep, and unspoken. It resonated with Alex’s own feelings, and he couldn’t help but feel a connection to the past.

The diary entries painted a vivid picture of a young man’s journey through affection and longing. Adrian’s admiration for Ethan, his secret glances, and the warmth he felt were all so relatable. Alex felt as if he were living those moments himself, experiencing the joy and heartache that came with them.

As he closed the diary and placed it back on the desk, Alex knew that he had to uncover more. There was a story here, a connection that spanned decades, and he was determined to find out what it meant. The mystery of Adrian and Ethan’s past was becoming clearer, and Alex was eager to continue his journey of discovery.