My Toxin

Chapter 5: A Moment of Vulnerability

The next day, everything seemed to return to normal—or at least as normal as it could be. Marjorie was still determined to keep me in the friend zone, but after the whole Andre situation, I was just relieved that she wasn't upset with me. Next time, I promised myself, I'd be more careful not to get caught.

Marjorie and I were at my university apartment, surrounded by textbooks and notes. The room was modestly sized and cosy, the soft glow of desk lamps casting a warm, inviting light over the scene. The familiar scent of freshly brewed coffee lingered in the air, a comforting presence amidst the pressure of exam preparations. She had an important law exam coming up, and I was helping her study, though the atmosphere between us felt tense.

"Okay, let's go over tort law again," I said, flipping through her notes, trying to keep things on track. "What are the main elements?"

Marjorie ran a hand through her braids, her fingers lingering as she tried to focus. Her eyes darted across the page in front of her, but I could see the strain in them. "Duty of care, breach of duty, causation, and damages," she recited, her voice tight with tension.

"That's right," I said, offering her an encouraging smile. "You've got this, Marjorie."

She nodded, but the anxiety was still etched deeply into her features. Her fingers trembled slightly as she picked up her pen, the weight of the exam looming over her like a dark cloud. "I just... I don't know if I can remember all this, Alex," she whispered, her voice barely audible, as if admitting her fear would make it more real.

"Hey," I said gently, reaching out to touch her hand. Her skin felt cold against mine, a stark contrast to the warmth I wished I could provide. "You've been preparing for this exam for weeks. You've got this."

But then her breathing quickened, and I saw the telltale signs of panic in her wide eyes. She clutched her chest, her voice trembling as she gasped, "I can't breathe, Alex. I can't breathe."

I knew this all too well—another panic attack. We'd been here before, and I knew exactly what to do. "Marjorie, look at me," I said, my voice firm yet calm, anchoring her in the storm of her own mind. "You're having another attack. It's going to be okay. Just focus on my voice. Breathe with me, okay, love?"

I took her hand in mine, guiding her through slow, deliberate breaths. "Inhale... exhale... that's it, just like that."

Slowly, her breathing began to steady, the frantic rhythm easing into something more controlled. The panic in her eyes faded, replaced by a fragile calm. She leaned into me, her body trembling as she sought comfort. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice breaking. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"There's nothing wrong with you," I said softly, stroking her hair, letting my fingers weave through the braids she was so fond of. "You're under a lot of pressure, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed. I'll always be here for you."

She looked up at me then, her eyes filled with a mix of gratitude and something else—something deeper that I couldn't quite place. "Thank you, Alex," she murmured, her voice so soft it was almost lost in the quiet of the room.

As she gazed at me, she shifted, moving closer until she was straddling my lap. We were eye to eye, our breaths mingling in the small space between us. I leaned in, pressing a tender kiss to her forehead, hoping she could feel how much I cared for her, how deeply I loved her.

And then, without warning, she leaned in and pressed her lips to mine. The kiss was soft, hesitant, as if she were testing the waters of something unknown. A surge of electricity shot through me, and for a moment, I was too stunned to react. But then I kissed her back, my heart pounding in my chest as if it were trying to escape.

Her lips tasted of inexperience, of uncertainty, and I could sense the innocence in the way she moved against me. This was her first kiss, I realised, and I relaxed, letting her take the lead. Her eyes were closed as she explored, our teeth occasionally clashing in her eagerness. I kept my eyes open, a slight smirk tugging at the corner of my lips at how utterly adorable she was in this moment.

Eventually, she opened her eyes, those big brown orbs searching mine for reassurance. But then, as if suddenly realising what she had done, she pulled away, her eyes wide with panic. "I... I can't," she stammered, her voice shaking as she backed away. "I'm sorry, Alex. We can't do this."

"Marjorie, wait," I called after her, but she was already grabbing her things, rushing towards the door as if she couldn't bear to be in the same room with me any longer.

Her apartment wasn't far from mine—I could have caught up with her if I'd wanted to. But I didn't. I needed some time to gather my own thoughts, to process what had just happened.

The apartment felt oppressively empty without her, the silence swallowing me whole. I sat down, my mind racing with a thousand thoughts. I had wanted to kiss her for so long, but not like this. Not when she was so vulnerable, so unsure.

I'd make it up to her tomorrow. She had an exam, and she didn't need the added distraction. I needed to focus on my Business Economics report, which I'd once again left till the last minute.

The next day, I found her in the library, her eyes glued to academic journals as she absorbed the last bits of knowledge before her exam. The determination was back in her gaze, though I could see traces of guilt lingering at the edges.

"Hey," I said softly, sitting down beside her. "How are you feeling?"

She sighed, looking down at her hands, fingers fidgeting with the corner of a page. "I'm sorry about last night," she said quietly. "I shouldn't have kissed you. It was a mistake."

"It wasn't a mistake," I replied gently, hoping she could see the sincerity in my eyes. "But I understand if you're not ready for this. I just want you to focus on your exam for now. Can you do that for me?"

She looked up at me, a small, tentative smile forming on her lips. "Yeah, quiz me on these, please?"

I nodded, grateful that we could at least pretend things were normal for a while. I helped her revise while simultaneously working on my report, keeping an eye on her for any signs of doubt. But that kiss... it wasn't a mistake. She made the first move, and now that I'd tasted her lips, I knew there was no going back.