Del Rico #2: The Other Wife

Kabanata 11

Del Rico #2: The Other Wife
Kabanata 11
Horrible

Some may say, I am becoming stubborn. That I don’t have anything now yet still, I’m so full of myself. But it’s not what they think it is. This is something more than my pride. This is more like… anger that I consumed and I wasn’t taught how to handle it properly.

Come to think of it. May tao bang kayang kontrolin ang galit nila? Ang panibugho? Ang sakit? I doubt it.

Inumang ko ang gunting sa buhok ko, pinantay iyon sa kaliwang kanina ko pa naputulan. Wala akong magawa ngayon at naisipang pagdiskitahan ang buhok ko.

Wala akong kasama sa bahay na ‘to. Lahat sila, wala ngayon. I ask them to have their time. They know I won’t kill myself anymore. Why? I just don’t want to die now.

I believe before I kill myself, I should kill those who hurts me. Of course, kahit si Oliver Hanio lang naman ang nagkasala sa akin, pakiramdam ko ang dami-dami na nila.

Maybe I am bit more of my head now. No one will like me. Katulad ng sinabi ni Bastian. Kaya nga siguro daw wala akong kaibigan dahil mahirap akong kaibiganin at mahirap akong pakisamahan.

He said, breathing the same air here with me feels like he’s still suffocated. Kaya hindi niya gugustuhing manatili rito. And that he’s too unlucky to be married to me.

Sorry for him, then. I was born like this since the day they saved me.

I watched as my hair fell on the ground. I have a short haircut now. Hindi sobrang pantay ang dulo noon pero sino naman ang may pakialam? No one visits me here aside from Berlina. Bastian never really showed himself after that.

It’s fine. I don’t care.

After I was satisfied with my look, I left my room and went to the studio. I asked Manang to clean.

Madilim doon at dalawang ilaw lang ang bukas. Pero iyon naman ang gusto ko. Na-setup ko na ang lahat kanina.

Ilang hugot ng hininga bago ko pinindot ang camera. I sang but I made sure I wouldn’t remember that no one is here with me and that there's a camera that’s taking videos of me.

I imagined myself, surrounded by the people I hated. Surrounded by pure chaos, pure demonic things and I am the only one who can see it.

I sang with my heart out. My lyrics, full of revenge. My voice, never to mention that it sounded so weak and powerful at the same time, feels like knives that want to hurt someone.

I shut my eyes close, I imagined it… the pain… running towards me. I felt it. The hands… the voice… the eyes that look at me with disgust. I saw it. His face… with horns glowing, eyes dimmed and claws out, waiting to devour me.

And so I found hell where devils live. and they don’t want me gone.
I cried, I bleed, Oh, oh,
I poured my heart out, I begged for freedom,
yet the claw of yours was too strong.
It gripped me until I could feel the pain,
Open my eyes and witness yours with nothing but coldness,
I want to show the same but I can’t
I’m too broken.
No coldness for me… all was anger for everybody who maybe… doesn’t deserve it.

The tune of the song was too loud and it popped my heart out. Even the sound of the bass was full of anger, the guitar was going wild but it accompanied the voice that I forced myself to expel. I am not for a rock song filled with anger, reproach, and threats. I am for gentle music, full of finesse, and the harmony is pleasing to the ears of anyone. But here I am now…

“That’s a good song.”

I stopped humming and snapped my head where that voice came from. My emotions vanished when I saw the familiar silhouette of the man I now hated but with reasons.