on temporizing || Dream SMP Timeloop Fic

Chapter 37

181. (credit to astral)

"So you-- you threatened XD into editing reality?"

"No, I used sup-- sofa-- sophisticated persuasion techniques," Tommy sniffed. "He heard the wisdom of my words, and agreed to my very reasonable requests."

"You tricked him, didn't you."

"I tricked him," Tommy admitted. "He's a fuckin' idiot, do you expect me not to take advantage of that?"

"I expect you to have enough self-preservation to not trifle with a god who can smite you."

"He also got smote by a cake," Tommy pointed out. "And it's not like he can do anything permanent to us."

"He's a god."

"And very easy to manipulate."

Dream pinched the bridge of his nose. "One of these days, you're going to get both of us smote."

"Ooo, fun loop idea - whoever gets smote first gets something from the loser next round!"

"Tommy no--"

~~~

"Techno! Techno, get out here!"

Technoblade narrowed his eyes at the door, suspicious of the amusement threaded into Philza's voice. "One second," he called back, sliding a bookmark into the book he was perusing and setting it down on the table. After a moment of hesitation, he pushed the door open.

The arctic wind blasted him in the face. After he'd given himself a moment to adjust to the cold, he stepped out and set a particularly unimpressed stare on his longtime friend. "What."

Philza was beaming, face alight with a particular brand of mischief that Technoblade had fallen prey to many times. He had a pig on a lead at his side. Technoblade glowered. "Phil, if this is another one of your attempts at a joke--"

"Heh?"

Technoblade stopped. Looked around. No parrots in sight. Slowly, he turned to Philza, who was grinning like a loon.

". . . Phil," he said. "Did you learn mimicking?"

"Nah," Philza drawled. He tugged the pig forward by its lead.

"Heh?" said the pig.

"Heh?!" Technoblade said back.

Philza doubled over, cackling his heart out. His friend rounded on him, spluttering with indignation.

"Phil! Phil, what is this? What-- how-- heh?!"

"Dun-- dunno, mate," Philza wheezed between bouts of laughter. "Just-- woke up and-- th' pigs were-- heh-- ahaha--"

"This isn't funny," Technoblade protested. The pig "heh"ed at him. "Stop heh-ing me!"

"Heh," went the pig.

"HAHAHAHAHA," went Philza. Technoblade debated the pros and cons of kicking him and tried to convince himself that it wouldn't be worth it. The longer the laughter dragged on, however, the more tempting it became.

Fortunately for Philza, he managed to regain control himself about five seconds before Technoblade reached his breaking point. As he straightened up, a crow alighted on his shoulder. Philza tilted his head towards it, wiping the last tears of mirth from his eyes. "Hey, mate. What is it?"

The crow clicked its beak. Philza's voice emanated from its throat. "You little shits."

"Oh whAT THE FUCK--"